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*aptop1955
writes: im a middle aged man,in june i went to spain and met the girl of my dreams,i traveled to spain 4 times to see her she came to london,i though everything was great,unfortunately i got carried away and went to fast,resulting in getting dumped for going to fast and being told althro she had feelings they wasent as strong as mine at this stage,i have promised to slow down but it hasent changed her mind,i want her back so much but dont know what i can do,i had already bough her xmas prezzy a bracelet so sent it anyway and friends out there are telling me she loves it,im hoping it may make her think
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Even though you bought her a present, I'm sure what is a beautiful bracelet, you really need to slow it down a bit. Sure she loved it...I would too!!! BUT, if she says your going to fast, or the attraction or mental state is not 100% there, you should let it flow to "get" there if it was meant to be. Being you live not around the corner from each other, I'm sure that plays a very good part. Women of a "certian" age...and I will assume somewhere close to your's...do look for stability, a kind and loving heart, but most importantly...one who is going to stick around till the "end". Most women, like men to, have been through it all..hurt, lie's, cheating...you name it right? We also don't want to pass up a "sure" thing, but if you come on so strong...we tend to back away, thinking there has GOT to be something wrong with this guy. Back away..for a bit...see if she come's around. IF she misses you, you will know it. It's not that WE want to play a game..no sir not at all...far from it. But, we do want to be sure in whom we love, whom we get totally involved with and whom we want to spend the rest of our lives with. I know you do to...however, presents can be wonderful, but what means the most is your sincerity...and backing it up..not just with words, but with actions. Talk, find out what she is all about, what she wants in life, see if there is some common ground.
Take it slow...let the wrinkles work their way out...in time you will know. But by all means, no pressure.
I do wish you the best of luck in your new love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): In order to readdress the situation you must know what went wrong. Did she explain you why she ended it? If it is because of the distance, it should only be solved by moving closer, but most people would not risk their jobs and present situation for... a land of promises! would they. As there is always the probability of the situation not functioning properly. Usually it is easier for the younger to accept these risks as they can be more adaptable, while matured persons seek stability. You should know what caused her decision, friends' pressure, her own judgement, what she saw/estimated inconvenient, and... you should for the moment talk in terms of friends. Phone and internet contacts, until the tension is sedimented. Did you behave as in a relation? - visiting her four times is hardly a relationship. Presents will most likely NOT change the situation. It is also relevant what drew her to accept your "relation," not only what changed her mind.
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A
male
reader, laptop1955 +, writes (27 December 2007):
laptop1955 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks mandy,i wasent possessive we lived in different countries but i did fall for her very quickly
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): Hi Hunny,
It may make her think hunny, I dont want to sound like im making this worse for you I can only go on a relationship I had about 3 or more yrs ago, The guy I went out with was a nice guy when I met him (now please dont take this as you ok its not) we were togrther a matter of months and he was to possesive and by that I mean he just would not leave me alone in the end I had to finish it and that took another 2 months....
I dont no your g/fs past relationships.. To come on so heavy with another can do the opposite of what you want...
I no when you care about someone so much you cant help it sometimes it comes naturally so if she does get back to you as much as you love her take things really slowly I no sometimes this can be hard as your inlove and excited to see that person cant stop telling them you love them and so on....The slower you take it the more she will come to you she wont feel she is not the right one for you if she has room to breath, women we are strange creatures we need to breath and to be free spirits not all I guess but im going on my friends and there experiences to...
I do hope you have good news and she gets back to you as you said her friends have told you she loved the braclet I hope she tells you and things can be worked out hunny TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK WITH LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Tiger-Spirit86  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 It may help but it may backfire. The best thing to do in your current situation is don't push as she will think you aren't as in-love with her as she first thought, also she may feel pressured, tell her you want to be friends, take it slow, and eventually she should come around and want to try again.
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Hello, Well at least you've accepted your actions, and tried to apologise to her and presented her with a gift. I think you really need to do a very large apology, and indeed the gift you sent her could of made her think more about her past relationship with you - but might still be concerned about your tempo. You need to ring or text her, asking her how she is - haven't spoken in a while etc - and slip a few sorry's into the convisation - ask her if she liked the gift, and then finally ask if she'd like to meet up again some time. Then you'll be able to clearly analyse her bodylanguage in conjunction to yours, and see if you're getting the vital signs from her that she may still be interested. Just don't be to pressured on her, as no one likes to be forced into decisions - let her reply in her own time. Ryan
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