A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm married, she's married, we're having a baby.We worked together and flirted with each other. I stopped in to work one night to ask her if she would like to have drinks, and a couple of days later she stopped in to work to give me her email address. I initiated the first contact by asking her out, and after that, she initiated everything else from our first "date", first hug, first kiss, and first sexual experience. We eventually fell in love with each other and are now having a baby together, even though she was on birth control. Neither of us is happy in our marriage, however, we both have doubts about our own possible future together for many reasons...how we met and got together, the way we handle certain situations, past experiences, etc. She has a daughter with her husband, as well as 2 step kids. I have no kids prior. In the end, we both want to be with each other, and only each other. Am I, or, are we wrong for wanting to wait until we are absolutely sure it will work before we jump into anything like this? I was told by someone a long time ago that if there is any doubt, then don't follow thru. Anyways, she recently broke it off with me, and won't talk to me now. She says it's because I'm still with my current wife and she says I show no signs of leaving. I love her with all my heart, but again, there is doubt from both of us. She has given me the opportunity to just walk away from her and our baby girl (due in a couple of months). Her husband says he will raise the child as if it were his own, but who knows how he will be once she is born and sees my face or other features on her. I just can't walk away from my soon-to-be child and her mother. I'm very heart-broken from not hearing from her. I know and understand her being upset about our situations, but my thoughts were that I want to work on things together, where we are, to make sure we will work out in the long run. Without us talking and seeing each other, it's tough to work on our issues together. And yes, I do understand it's also hard to do that where we are. It's like a viscious circle. She would rather me be on my own first, or we both leave together and just jump into it. I know people say you can do whatever you put your mind to, but I honestly don't have the financial capabilities to be on my own. Am I using my wife? No. But I do care for her and her feelings, as does my babies mom care for her husband's feelings. We just don't love our spouses. We love each other. That's why it hurts so much to not be in contact with her after 15 months of "dating". She says it hurts her too much to hear me say I love her when I'm still with my wife. I'm lost...what should I do?
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female
reader, aye +, writes (4 August 2007):
 i would divorce my wife if u dont love her and congrats on the baby u need to be there for your little girl get a apartment of your own and a good job this u need your daughter to no her real daddy
A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Excuse me, The very fact that you could cheat on your wife is terrible. Can you answer my question, what is it that could be so bad that you would betray your wife. You don't say vows for the fun of it. Now please know that I am not judging you. I just saw my mother go through hell when my father cheated on her 5 times with the same woman and my mother kept taking him back. I have no respect for this kind of person. Maybe I am a bad person for not understanding the whole unhappiness issue, but when you put a ring on someones finger, you should stay true to them until that ring comes off and the papers for a divorce have been filed. Your very last question, you think it hurts your mistress, what about your wife? I feel sick to my stomach.
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