| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I'm a married guy, that has been in a very loving stable relationship with my wife for over 10 years. We have a young child. My dilemma is that i have fallen deeply for a much younger co-worker. I do not know how this girl feels about me but i am very concerned about my feelings for her. The co-worker is almost like an amalgamation of the five previous girlfriends that i cared for the most and its like their best qualities have been distilled into this charming girl. She is stunningly beautiful, well educated, witty, intelligent and our brains seem to be working on the same wavelength much of the time. I can sometimes sense what she is thinking just by looking at her and vice versa its almost like an invisible language. We've had various conversations about all kinds of topics and it always surprises me how i could sit and talk to her all day long. I even have to say that the attraction - though she is beautiful is not sexual. Before i was married i had a very active social life and had "realtionships" with well over 60 women but i have never come across anyone that i have been so strongly attracted to.I have come to the realisation that i have very very strong feelings for her because in a few weeks she will be leaving to start at a new firm, and i feel like i am losing a confidant and best friend and its a rather shattering feeling.I am also ashamed of the way i feel because though i haven't physically cheated on my wife i feel that i have mentally cheated,and i know that i shouldn't be feeling this way about another woman but i can't help it.Perhaps fate has played a cruel twist and shown me the women that was meant for me but 15 years too late.But when all is said and done i would never jeopordise what i have with my wife.But how do i get over this crazy misguided feeling of loss. Any suggestions would be welcomed.
View related questions:
best friend, cheated on my wife, co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Smart Guy +, writes (8 December 2005):
The more women you meet the more this will happen, it's just statistics. If I am gone from my wife 10 hours a day and spent that time with a group that included some interesting and attractive women, I would eventually feel that way. I know, we often wish we could have multiple wives, but that's really too hard to do. If she is as awesome as you think, she would stay away from a married guy, 'cause it's just too much of a pain in terms of complexity and issues and emotion. Try your best to not get too involved and plan more things with your family so that you look forward to them.
A
female
reader, Thistle +, writes (8 December 2005):
Well your feelings seem to be very strong for this woman therefore I would be seriously considering re-evaluating your marriage. I would never want to be with a man that had such strong feelings for someone else because yes in a way you are mentally cheating on her. Let's face it, I am sure you spend a lot of time at home thinking about this woman too. You sound like a pretty decent guy so I would suggest to make a decision and dont think that you'll be happier by having a relationship with this woman while you are still married. Marriages end for different reasons and some people cheat all the way through their marriages, dont fall into that trap.
...............................
A
female
reader, angle_eyes10 +, writes (8 December 2005):
hi,
there is nothing wrong with liking this girl, its admirable that you havnt done anything, many would have. its hard not to get close to the people you work with, as you are with them the majority of your time.
its nice to hear you wouldnt leave your wife. there are a few suggestions.
if you are unhappy in your relationship with your wife, then it's probably best to leave, considering you have a young child together, i think it wouldnt be wise bring a child into the world if you arnt happy in your current relationship, however, you do sound very happy with your wife.
life is full of many paths and sometimes life tests you, and it looks like your passing with flying colours.
what would you say ( if you have a young daughter) if she met a married man with a child, what advice would you give her?
as ive said before, there is nothing wrong with having a close relationship with someone in work. i think it would be best to not attemp to keep in contact with this woman from work, as, if you do, im affraid that you may cheat in the long run, as you seem so attracted to her, so my advice is to leave her go, unless you are unhappy with your marriage.
hope this helps, Angel.x
...............................
A
female
reader, spedmjr07 +, writes (8 December 2005):
First, you need to assess your emotional situation. If your marriage to your wife means anything to you and you love her with all your heart, then you need to forget about this co-worker and chalk it up as a weak moment in your life. If there aren't any problems in your marriage now, then why start any? Do you want to see your family torn apart because you had a weak moment? You need to say some prayers and take a cold shower! Whatever you do, do not tell anyone at work, at home, or at a bar how you feel because you don't know who knows you or is watching you. Last, if you have not acted on your feelings for this co-worker, the last thing you want to do is open your mouth and tell someone because it could get back to your wife. Why start a problem with your marriage if you have not acted on your feelings? If you have acted on your feelings already, you should be ashamed of yourself!
...............................
|
