A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Over a year ago my husband and i had a sexual threesome with a single male friend of ours after a night of drinking...this was totally my husbands idea..I was always attracted to this friend but had no intentions of taking it any furthur, even though i believed my husband at that time was seeing another woman behind my back.....After this experience, this other guy called me at my work, and said that he wanted me to come over his apartment alone...he said he wanted to talk to me about what had happened..Well i did and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex in his bed..it was the most incredible sex ive had in my life....he is well endowed and in great shape unlike my husband....after that day i couldnt get this guy out of my mind....over a year later and I am still going over his place, whenever i can, usually when my husband has to work nights..we have no kids so i can come and go as i please..My question..As i said hes single and lately i think that hes been seeing another girl, who is single like him..when he doesnt answer my phone calls i drive by his place in my car, to see if the lights are on in his apartment...i still cannot get him out of my mind...what do i do or say to this guy? I dont want to sound desperate, but i dont want to lose him.. My husband started this whole thing,a year ago, when he insisted we do a threesome, which he didnt even enjoy because he couldnt get it up...so i dont feel sorry for him...please help...
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 December 2017):
 Honestly why stay married? What do you get out off the marriage? If you want to be with this other guy then why not get a divorce and tell this other guy that you want to be with him? Are you scared that he does not want anything from you other than sex? If that is the case then at least you would know the truth. I would still end things with your husband it is clear to say that the marriage is not working.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2017): Femmenoir...your reply was interesting and very informative though i think that you forget that my husband was involved with someone else way before I was...he is guilty of all the things you accuse me of...before me!!!! I suspected and later on confirmed that he was cheating on me...Its evident from your in depth reply that it is based on actual personal experience so i will take that into consideration..
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 November 2017):
 You should either work very hard at saving or salvaging what's left of your marriage, or file for divorce.
You can't go on indefinitely, playing games between your husband and your lover.
Your husband actually deserves more from you.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (22 November 2017):
My question?
Did you ever love your husband in the first place?
From all you've written about your husband, i believe i can answer that one for you.
I doubt it very much!
You're clearly obsessed by this guy and you've already broken the sacrament, commitment & loyalty within your marriage, to your husband, so you've NOTHING LEFT THERE.
When a person's "moral compass" isn't present, what's really left?
I wonder how you'd be feeling, if you genuinely loved your husband and he did this to YOU?
You'd be devastated, utterly gutted, yet for you, it's like a walk in the park, heading down to the shops to buy a litre of milk.
How you can sleep at night, without an ounce of remorse, carrying feelings of guilt, or showing any empathy for your husband, leaves me dumbfounded.
Trust me when i say, YOUR KARMA will come back to haunt YOU.
You took the threesome ONE STEP TOO FAR and you're now keeping the ongoing truth from your husband.
Sure, he "INITIALLY" wanted it, but you DID NOT have to go through with it, especially when you knew you'd always been attracted to the guy.
You were attracted, a sexual opportunity presented itself and in the end, you went for it and thoroughly enjoyed it, TO THE POINT, that you went back for seconds and thirds.
You have been sneaking to his house to have sex with him, when your husband's away overnight and you appear to have "no shame".
This guy, he's not serious about you. He only "USES" you for sex.
You're his "booty call" and he views you as an easy and cheap target, ALWAYS PRESENT at his beck and call.
You and your husband had a threesome and this was the first sign that you were "open" to "open sex".
Next, he wants to see you in private and you go, because for you, you liked what you saw and you were actually happy to go back for more.
You're more interested in this guys penis size and physical appearance, than you are about saving your marriage.
How sad!
If truth be known, your husband isn't totally to blame here.
YOU ALREADY found this guy attractive even before the deed was done.
The fact that you can't get his body out of your mind and the fact that it's the best sex you've ever had, are the PRIMARY REASONS you are hooked on this guy.
You come across as very "shallow" and quite "cheap" in your behaviour.
What's solely "physical" will NEVER LAST.
You need to start thinking with your HEAD.
Blaming your husband fully, for your ongoing sexual behaviour, has nothing to do with your husband.
I doubt he's doing some random woman, or any woman on a regular basis when he goes away, yet YOU DO, because, YOU CHOOSE TO.
Why don't you confront your husband with this truth and see what his reaction is?
I think you don't want to, because you know what you're doing is plain "wrong", you know your husband will be angry and because if you can get away with it, you'll continue having your cake and eating it too.
This way, if your HOT, SEXY, WELL ENDOWED LOVER dumps on you, you still have your "less endowed" and less ripped" husband to go home to, right?
It sure beats being kicked out on the street.
You need to start making some serious changes, before your life really spirals out of control.
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (22 November 2017):
 I'm sorry but I agree with HoneyPie, I just want to add a few things, nothing a spouse ever does in a marriage can ever justify the other person to cheat. You made a solemn vow to be together and if you think you can sneak out every time you want something else is well wrong.Things couple do in bed is between you two and any other partner you tend to add in the mix, but if you feel that your husbands lack of sexual prowess and alleged lack of faith is making you go look for another well tell it to him straight to his face, you are his wife he deserves it from you.I know you suspect your husband of cheating on you with another but if you were basically doing the same the past year, I really suggest you just come clean and have a divorce. It's obvious that your heart's not in it anymore, and not once in your entire question did it say that you love your husband so if you honestly think there is nothing in your marriage worth saving, then just end it.ABOUT YOUR QUESTION,relationship shouldn't be based on lies, and if all things are settled you aren't sure if HIS FRIEND really does want you as something more than a sexual experience. Fix your problems with your husband first before ever thinking of being with another guy. I know how this guy may appear, I know you're think he's adding what's missing in your life, but if a guy can break a marriage just to sate his sexual desire then who's to say he'll be loyal to you when you two eventually get together. You are currently looking for adventure and I know I'm not in authority to say this but I think you need to get out there more and grow up before you can ever consider being married again. Like WiseOwlE said get a divorce and start dating, that's the short version.I wish you the best of luck and sorry for being a bit blunt.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 November 2017):
 OP, you're stalking him. You are MARRIED - act like it. This guy is not right for you and you are clearly obsessing. Let go of him and divorce your husband too.
Bear in mind that you cheated. You wondered if your husband did, but you *definitely* did. You're not happy, so divorce him. The other guy had no problems helping a married woman cheat, so he's also not that decent.
Take a look at yourself. What do you want in your life? This guy doesn't count because he's a bad idea. You clearly don't want your husband either, so find a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. Spend time being independent and single again, then start dating someone else.
As a side note, this is why threesomes are almost always a terrible idea, usually ruining relationships.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (21 November 2017):
Dump your idiot husband and be with the guy you want to be with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2017): Get a divorce and start dating.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 November 2017):
 What do you do?
You stop thinking with your crotch.
If you are not happy in your marriage, you either talk to your husband and put in the effort to FIX it or you end it so you can BOTH move on to better relationships.
Him suggesting the 3-some doesn't entitle you to cheat.
Him not being able to get an erection at said 3-some doesn't entitle you to cheat.
YOU could have said NO to the 3-some if you didn't really want one.
However, this is a PRIME example of WHY adding more people to a marriage bed is not a good idea. At some point, someone WANTS more, has regrets, loses faith in the marriage or loses trust in their partner.
You guys jumped into something while drunk, with no pre-set rules with no afterthought other than let's TRY adding a person to the sex!
You obviously don't respect your partner anymore. And the guy on the side? Well, he found himself a REAL partner not just his friend's sloppy seconds (you). So what do you do next?
You focus on what's next. Working on the marriage or divorce.
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