A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidMy husband is not keen on celebrating bday. He never celebrates even his bday, but I like bdays esp mine. I always do something special for me ony bday, take a trip or buy expensive stuff for me...We planned to do a trip this year and my husband agreed. Suddenly yesterday he told me he do not want to go, after I did all the planning, booked tickets... But he wants to hang out with his friends. So I told him I'll go alone, because I was looking forward to it. He won't talk to me after that. What should I do, I am not cancelling my ticket, I booked with my money not his, why does he behave like an asshole. Am I not supposed to celebrate my bday even I need to do it alone. P.S - I don't have friends, I have been always a loner and I like my company, so no pity party :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): Go with your plans,he seem to be immature why should he cancel out on your bday,is his friends more imp than you?GO ON
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2021): He is a selfish arsehole. Very immature.Go and enjoy your birthday, make the most of it, relax and have fun in whatever way suits you. Forget about stupid hubby while you are away, it will spoil it. When you get back ask yourself if you want the rest of your life to be like this and if not how you can improve things. He is not the sort you can talk to so think it is a case of stay and put up with it or end it. He acts as if he has no feelings for you and regrets marrying you but gets something out of staying with you that makes it worth staying - perhaps it is the same for you? You say you don't want friends, which is fair enough, but what happens if you split up, will you be totally alone then?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2021): I'm sorry. Party on your own. Time him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2021): So, he's the one who cancelled on your plans, left you to celebrate your birthday alone and wasted your money and now he's the one who isn't talking to YOU!!??
Pardon my asking, but is he a controlling, manipulative a@@hole by any chance?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 November 2021):
 Stick to your plans.
Your husband doesn't celebrate birthdays. Ok. YOu do. So this is a "agree to disagree" kind of issue. You can celebrate yous however you see fit if he wants to participate, GREAT! If he doesn't, then you do YOUR thing.
My husband can be forgetful. One year he forgot my birthday. Totally. It wasn't until the end of the month when a package arrived from overseas that he realized "OH shot, I forgot". He felt so bad that the following year I had 3 birthdays. It was ok, I'm not a big birthday person. Not for adults. For kids? Yes, they should have that special day. But each to their own.
CELEBRATE! if he doesn't want to participate, his loss.
You know the saying you can drag a horse to water but you can not make them drink? That is how I see it.
I have to ask though, what is his aversion to celebrating birthdays?
And why would he rather hang out with friends than go on a little holiday with you? He sounds rather selfish.
Overall, how is your marriage?
It just seems so strange to me. My husband is NOt big on birthdays either, so that works for us, but we STILL make sure there is a card, a little gift, and a cake. Nothing big. Maybe a dinner out with the family.
Do you do anything for his birthday?
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (1 November 2021):
 I don't know why he agreed to going away for your birthday and let you go to all the trouble of booking it all, then let you down at the last minute.
I think to cancel on you then not talk to you is very immature indeed. I don't know how long the pair of you have been married but i'm guessing that he has not just adopted this attitude over night and that you knew he was like this before you got married, which leaves me wondering why you married him in the first place.
Don't cancel your ticket, keep to your original plan and go away and celebrate your birthday. While your away have a think to yourself if you are really happy in this marriage, and if you really think being married to him is really the best option here.
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