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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am married but I am in love with another wonderful man, and he feels the same way about me he wants me to leave and come to live with him but its very hard for me to leave everything I have here just for love. what do I do? he lives in a one bedroom apartment, I live in a 1800 sq foot house, it would be like going from riches to rags for me but I am almost ready to do it. I have never felt this way about anyone before please help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): Do it- you don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what if!
A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (14 December 2006):
 Try working on your marriage rather than spending the time with this other guy. Things look a lot nicer right now when you have such an ace place to live in but also the love the guy brings you. Once you move in and realise what you gave up, arguments and tensions will most likely ruin your view of the guy and then you'll end up out of love and with pretty much nothing else.
Try find the love you're missing out on with your husband. There must be something about him that got you interested in him, you wouldn't have married him otherwise.
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A
female
reader, lostfamfantasy +, writes (14 December 2006):
Hi!
I am so sorry you are in a tight spot like this one. You see, what I am gonna tell you is hard, but real! only my experience thou, so take what you like and leave the rest.
5 years ago I was also married to a kind man who would have done anything for me *well, only after he knew I was leaving for good...mmm. Anyway! I decided to separate because I was feeling exhausted from my marriage, so you know? 10 day later I met a wonderful and charming man... so? I felt in love and in lust with him like I have never felt in my entire life, BUT I had the guts to leave him (afterall, he was also seein another taken woman he felt in love with) and went back to my husband. I gave it a whole year to feel it out and the fact was that I couldn't I wouldn't stop his memory from running up and down in my head... he helped me doing that too, since he called me every other week while bein in europe (and seeing that taken woman, but I didn't know it at that time)... Anyway! so I went back to him after a few months he told me he had broken up with someone... I felt so good for few months and even moved in with him, I traded my 3000 sqfeet house looking over the golden gate bridge, and all the luxuries of a wealth household to move into a shared apartment where we didn't even have a dryer! I was happy for only few weeks until I realized that I was pregnant, he was kissing his buddy (girl) and that he didn't want to have our baby!!!! I was devastated but in love! needless to say I was blind! I gave him all I had even all my money and security and emotions and my body and his child and 5 years of love... for what? so he ends up cheating and leaving me and his baby.
My 2 cents? if a relationship is built in deceit and desperation, it will end pretty ugly. I know I could have left before! believe me! I tried every other month to be stopped by his tears and promises. Now I am broke, with a baby and no money for food... lingering memories of a great job (i left to please him) beautiful homes, 4 porsches and mercedes and lots of money to go around for few lifetimes is all gone... and a broken life of my daughter's all for my BLINDNESS!!! for LUST and LYING TO MYSELF.
I am learning my lesson.
If this man truly loves you he will wait for you and whenever you are ready. Remember, the most important person in your life is YOU!!! If you are having these doubts I strongly advise you to stay put and breath and test the waters... besides there are other ways you could still be together without you having to rush. Rushing makes for a very bad advisor.
Take care and have courage to take care of YOU first. If you must flee your husband, flee on your own and see your lover in the side. Don't give up your status nor your money. Read up in codependency a bit.
Lots of luck and love to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): hi
this is a very difficult one , but it shouldnt be?
i do understand eaxctly how you feel , i was in a similar situation, though mine was to do with my children not finacial circumstances. if you do truly love this man , i beleive you would go ahead and move in with him , despite everything? i think maybe if you feel it is ' just for love' as you phrase it , it is not 'true' love. if your cureent marriage is failing maybe you should consider leaving , and setting up on your own for a while, you could maybe continue the realtionship with this man , and see how it goes? or else reconsider your feelings for your husband , and try to make the marriage work. 'true ' love would vastly outway the benefits of a luxury house etc , afetr all this can be a very lonely life , and should you decide to move away from this, you may be capable of possessing some of this luxury alone, or with your new man eventually.
i sympathize with you greatly , but you must make the decision for YOU , not the new man , and be absolutely sure its what you want
best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): I say, don't do it. What if you guys don't work out. U're gonna end up losing everything. Just wait a little while longer. I think you'll regret it.
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