A
female
age
41-50,
*unshine99
writes:I just don't know why I feel this way about an ex. He is now with someone else and is happy. He always smiles at me when he sees me and comments on how lovely I look. We finished 4 years ago. I am married to such a wonderful man and love him with all my heart but I keep thinking about my ex. When i see him around i feel so strange, like I want to talk to him, give him a hug. We always said we would remain friends and we have but not to the point that we text or talk anymore, only to say hi now and again. He will always be special to me but why am I feeling like this when I love my husband so very much and he is my world and I would never do anything to hurt my husband, he makes me so happy? It makes me feel crazy. I shouldn't be thinking of my ex like this. Please help!!
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (27 March 2007):
 I think it is normal to feel such feelings towards an ex, especially if they were your first love. Was he by some chance?
I love my boyfriend to bits, and like you, would NEVER do anything to hurt him, but I still think about my ex. He was in the airforce, my first love, and boy did he have a nice body. My current boyfriend is my world, but it doesnt stop me from fantasising about what happened with my ex and what could have been. I see my ex every now and then and every time I do, I feel guilty because I shouldnt feel like that, or I think I shouldnt.
So long as you have boundaries, and you know that you can look, but cant touch, you'll be fine. You will probably always have those feelings, its what you do with them that matters. Fantasies are normal and quite healthy, so long as fantasies dont get in the way of reality and let you do something you will regert.
Its okay to have feelings for him still!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): Sunshine99, you don't say how long you have been married....or how long it was after you ended with your "ex". These questions, (why do I think about my ex?, etc.), are not easy for anyone else to speculate about. You can only examine your own feelings. Maybe it is "nostalgia", when you see him. Is it really him you begin thinking on so much, or is it just the time that you knew him,..and you were younger and "freer" and that is what you think about and remember? Just speculating here. There are certain songs, that when I hear them, still bring back memories of a certain "ex" of my own. But they are all bound up with memories of a different time. Those times can become sentimentalized, even though they may not have been so great at the time. I may not be making sense,(I often don't, lol), but I think you are concerning yourself too much. We can still have fondness for those we once had intense feelings for, without "betraying" our present significant ones.
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