A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 40, married and have children. I don't feel any attraction to my husband anymore and I've been hiding the fact that I'm attracted to other women. I think I'd be happier with a woman, yet I've never had a relationship.My husband's first wife died and I raised his kids, although they are in their teens/20's now. Together, my husband and I had other children who are in grade school. So, I feel this huge responsibility for staying for the sake of the children. Even if I didn't have feelings for other women, I want to leave him. Question is: should I do it now or wait around 8 years until my younger children are older. I feel like I have a responsibility toward raising my children and would be selfish to leave my husband just for my own personal satisfaction. I feel I have a job to do raising my kids and that I should finish my job and then find myself later. Other times, I feel that I'm being dishonest and should just get it over and leave my husband. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): you need t confess your sexual orientation to your husband. then move out. this will leave him free to move on, in time, to find the happiness he deserves. this will also allow you to accept yourself and what you desire. maybe in a short later while you can also have the new realtionship you desire.
you are leading a false life and this is not right. don't just use the kids as an excuse, for the next 8 years you want to consume your hb's resouces and participate in his finances. then you want to move on. totally unfair and very selfish of you. he should be able to move into another realtionship and be with someone who will love, cherish and be exclusively his. you deserve the same as well.
A
female
reader, cranberry28  +, writes (18 August 2009):
It's always easy to tell someone to leave a person if you're unhappy but you're showing how you would affect other lifes as well. You need to consider though that your unhappyness will shine trough one day and that it might be better for children to grow up in an "honest" environment, where nobody has to pretend to be someone one he/she isn't. Children are much stronger and able to cope with changing environments way better than most people would think and in my point of view you should get rid of the thought that raising children is a job and it is especially not only your job! And who says that you wouldn't be able to raise them after your coming out?
You may want to explore your sexuality a bit more before you make any definite decisions, especially since you've never been in a lesbian relationship. Even if it's not the most honourable thing to do you could start flirting with women, go to gay bars or join a sports club with a big share of lesbian members (like soccer, just out of experience ;) ). Living a lie for eight years and risking ending up unhappy should be the least thing on your mind.
...............................
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (18 August 2009):
 i think you should tell your husband hes desserves the truth do you want to bring your children up in a house built on lies, plus when there older they will kno and under stand more. divorce is probably harder on older children they often feel they have to choose sides.
Maybe there are things your husband can do to bring the attraction back the sex could be better he could change his apperance you can be more romantic with each other.
Maybe your fantisies are causing your heart to wander or you could just need an exciting crazy night out with a chick. i dont think your husband would object n you experimenting but that depends on his beleiefs.
I think it would be a bad idea to leave your husband and for a woman, how would you explain to your family to your children eventually. you married for better or for worse if you cant talk to your husband about this then i wont judge but you should ask your self what kind of person you are.
Youve thought about your children and yourself but what about your husbands feelings.
...............................
|
