A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been seeing my boyfriend since august. Have been official since december. When were together when were not i dont hear from him. In previous relationships i have heard from my partner at least once per day, even if its just dropping me a text. When we first got together we would talk daily now im lucky if i get one text every 2/3 days. I did used to text him but his limited responses made me stop. He is quite busy but i dont really think thats an excuse. It takes 30 seconds to type out a text. I dont want to bring it up for a fearOf appearing needy this early into the relationship. What do you guys think?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 it takes my husband way longer than 30 seconds to type a text. a phone call to say hi is faster.
I went through this with my hubby when we started out dating.
once we got serious (after about 4 months) but were still LDR it drove me crazy to not have daily contact with him.
AND I hated being the one to always initiate the contact. So I talked to him about it. I can't recall if we did it on the phone or in person (we saw each other every weekend) or by email (to this day (living in the same house) we use email pretty much daily to communicate things) but basically I said:
"honey I know YOU don't need daily contact but I'm a bit of a wuss and I need some sort of daily check in. Even if it's just a few minutes." I'd like to call you each night before i go to sleep (I go to bed HOURS before he does) He was like "sure whatever" and most nights I'd call and he'd take the call and we'd talk... either 1 minute or 1 hour or longer... whatever he was up for.
Shortly after I started my nightly "bed time tuck in call" he asked me to call him at 8 am every morning to make sure he was awake. This call could take 30 seconds or 3 minutes depending on his level of awake....
So I would suggest you let him know that you would appreciate daily contact initiated or at least approved by him... maybe like my husband he HATES texting... ask him which he prefers and go from there.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 February 2014):
 I think after six months of being together, I would feel like you do. He seems to be making very little effort and I don't blame you for how you feel.
This would be perfectly acceptable for me if it were a casual relationship. But to be official and go days without speaking seems a bit distant. at least for me.
Maybe this works well for some people. But I'm like you and I require a bit more than that for a relationship of substance.
I don't think it will appear as needy to express your needs in a relationship. it's normal to have needs. Even the least needy people have some needs.
I say express to him that you're feeling as though talking every few days isn't meeting your needs and that you really like him and care for him and hope maybe you two can come to some sort of a middle ground. Hopefully this will make him realize you need a bit more communication.
It doesn't mean he doesn't care. It just means he's different than you. He may not even realize this brothers you.
Good luck.
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