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anonymous
writes:Hey there, not sure if I can really say much or express how i feel right now but I will try.Me and my girlfriend now ex, had been toghther for 5 yrs, however every year we split up, due to arguments, niggling, and sillyness, prob caused by lack of communication, if im honest its had its lows and highs. and when im with her I just felt that she wasnt giving me 100% of her - she never told me she loved me very often.... and never complimented me much... where as I always did...anyway we had just had a great time on holiday together, and came back argued about a silly thing, and then I did the guy thing instead of talking about it went out and got drunk with the guys at the bar. The next day didnt turn up to speak to her till later, and she finished with me on the spot!So left it for a week, met up as it was her birthday, and gave her present - tiffany bracelet. She got upset, and we spoke but she just kept saying its too late..... Its now been 8 weeks, and i still miss her terribly, love her, but she wont see me, I called her last week, to try and sort things she said she wasnt ready to see me.....SO what do I do?give her time? or call her? or give up? she said that she is keeping away from me, to make sure she doesnt get hurt - as she thinks ill move on before her!.... which is crazy all i want to do is see her, make her realise what we have together.... i keep thinking how can she not be thinking about me, or even making any sort of effort....Im so lost, im 30 and thought i was going to propose to her at xmas.... its all feels ruined....
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drunk, move on, on holiday, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell to those of you involved...We got back together since this happened and got engaged!however since feb we split up she moved out, and i think it is over, again we didnt communicate, let the small things become big... sometimes things arent meant to be no matter how much u love someone.her exact words were after 7 yrs.... I am leaving, I dont love you enough to stay. She moved back with her parents, and that seems to be that!.....Life is tough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the update is as follows, over xmas and new year, the only time I was in touch was at xmas, I left my mobile at my friends on xmas eve, didnt get it back till xmas day at 10pm. with a text from her saying merry xmas in one message, and in another saying she couldnt believe i hadnt been in touch on xmas day and thanks!.... I explained I left my mobile, but she just said that its no big deal.
We have barely spoken since. I got on with life at xmas, dated 3 girls, and got on with things..... still miss her emmensily, but im giving it time apart - she knows where I am should she want to find me. thats all I can do i guess...
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (17 December 2008):
 yea hunny I think she would have stopped contact all together had she felt nothing
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think what will be will be, she doesnt know about the tickets, she tried to get them she couldnt so I used my contacts and got them.... ill send them by email on xmas day. Thanks i guess you are right, i admit I stopped myself 4 or 5 times frm writing something back like she is heartless etc....thanks for your help.. its tough, but i guess if she wanted nothing she wouldnt be in contact....
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (17 December 2008):
Hi Love
This may be the hardest thing yet, If she is still hurting as her mates have told you, She could be getting advise from her sister to take things slow. I no you really wanted Christmas together love and I can feel your pain but maybe she needs to do this with her sister, You no just get away with family for a break..Hard on you YES! Sometimes we have to go through the shitty times to once again appreciate the good times..Also maybe she felt she couldn't see you just before she left as she may get upset if this is right what her friends have said.....Give her the tickets hunny, You got them for her so do as was planned...After all the holidays have calmed down hopefully you two will carry on talking and then things may fall back into place again. I no its frustrating not knowing were you stand sweetheart but I can only hope as you do that things will work out better next year for you both TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthey wud be for her and her sister next year..... its driving me nuts, she was all fine on sun, then her pals still say she still hurt we are split....
arghhhh i just want to get up and leave!
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (16 December 2008):
Hi Hunny
I'm sorry to hear this news, Em! not to sure about the tickets love is she planning on taking you when she comes back
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey there here is an update - we had been gettin on well with each other calls texts, and some chat....
however it always fels on her terms.. she is heading off to NYC for xmas with her sister - I wanted to catch up before hand, however she says she has no time. yeh im angry gutted, that the person 3.5 months ago said that she would not want to be without her boyf at xmas...
just when you think things are going ok - they then fall back at you - and you have to climb that mountain again....
Thats the closure I need i think - she doesnt want to see me at xmas - then thats it.
bought her tickets for a concert she wanted to see as a gift as well! should i give them to her anyway?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlittle patience i guess
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (3 December 2008):
Thats honest hunny you cant be more honest than you have been of late, You as you said have learnt a lot during this time which is a good thing no matter what, Just try and relax and do stuff to make you happy as hard as it is, I no been there done it!!!!!!:) ANY TIME YOU NEED A CHAT LOVE I'M HERE HOPE THAT TALKING ABOUT THIS HAS HELPED WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks - she emailed me this morning, saying how she had a good time on sunday, and said that she prob thinks its best to not see each other all the time - as it will take time to become friends.....
I emailed her this.....
"I was messing about that sorry if offended - thought Sunday was good as in we got on had a laugh, and enjoyed each other company….as friends…. I don’t think you can ever take that side of our makings away…. Its just light hearted chat…. No offense was intended.
As I say - I would hope to have a xmas drink and see you before u go away….. but I’m not going to chase you … its up to you if you feel its best, to me with you – Its never been about what’s best - End of the day – we are always going to be in and around each others life due to our friends – whether you/we like it or not. I’ve said if you meet someone or I do – I don’t think they will ever replace or get near to what we have felt…. But that’s been my opinion even after 2 months of knowing u- and that was the difference I never gave up – and never changed my belief In you.
I said I would always advise from now on with you about honesty and feelings – cos from my beliefs, and strength– the small/large things that you saw that made u want to “build a life around me” is the man you spent on Sunday with…. And is the person all my friends know who I am deepdwn – The other things were things that were to happen to show me my lessons for the future with or without you.
So as I say I hope we can do all the things and be true to each other as friends if that’s what u want….no half hearted effort, no confusion. That’s all I’ve got to say on that – I hope that we will share drink and a laugh be in contact, and stop all this cagyness with contact etc – do what u want, I don’t really care what’s best (I’ve said that before) - – if u want to contact me then do it, if you don’t then it shows me a lot…..
I hope you don’t take any of this offensively, as its not aimed to anything other than open and honest as mentioned above – as emails can be misconstrued which we both know – that’s why I have always said better to talk on the phone or face to face"
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (3 December 2008):
Hunny if what her friend said is true then she is giving you hope, But I don't no really she is saying one thing her friend is saying another. The only thing you can do is have time out..Try not to let this rule your life, I no its hard love, You have come to a lot of realisation since you to haven't been together but she has found time to speak and see you..So her friend may be right...As you say she still surrounds herself with people you no, This can be terribly hard after a breakup. I no you are dreading Christmas this was your time and you have a lot of thought on what it was going to be like, That is hard..All you can do is what your doing, Get on with life and no that no matter what happens you have said it yourself you have learnt a lot about how you feel. Hopefully this will turn out ok hunny , She obviously thinks a great deal of you or she wouldn't bother speaking like this at all..This is also hard for her as she has said..I'm sorry I cant give you solid answers I do hope as always things get better for you and this all sorts itself out in time TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok so I spoke with her again last night, and we spoke about alot more... She said that she is not looking for anyone and it will take her a long time to get over things...
We both spoke about where we both could have been better and understanding....
she mentioned that "what meant to be will no pass each other".... so who knows....
not sure why she said that....
her friend said she thinks she is taking time out, to give me the wake up call, and to see a reaction from me, to stop partying to calm down alot... to show her... her friend said give it time - how much time?
The other thing is my mate Si is friends with her, and he sees her every week, I trust him with my life but it still sort of aches me, that she said she doenst want me in her life yet she wants to be surrounded by reminders of my life...
we split on the 21st september - and everyday is still tougher than i thought, dont get me wrong imconfident, but I realise alot and thats a miracle to know what I want from this - is that I love her and want to be with her....
but how much time do you give it? should I go NC again? what should I do? im going on holiday in a group, her best mate is going at xmas - I actually think xmas is going to be the hardest time of all!
Please let me know your thoughts....
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (30 November 2008):
Oh I'm sorry hunny,
TAKE CARE AND LOOK AFTER YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey just wanted to give an update - met her today, had lunch, and spent afternoon with her.... Great day.. got on like we always did. however we spoke about breakup... and she said its too late, we have split up a few times now. in 5 yrs... the main thing being that we always used to shy away from arguments and not discuss things... me mainly. but she thinks it would not work if it hasnt....
very gutted, and missing her tonight - but i guess everythings happens for a reason.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits been 2 months, and its eating me up, but your right there is nothin i can do - I will knows when to give up hope - and I reckon that will be around xmas - as xmas day will be the hardest thing for me to not be with her in 5yrs.
....... time will tell. thanks xx
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (19 November 2008):
Hi Love
Sometimes its easier to say these things to your friends than it is your fella, One reason being the thought of saying something that may scare him away or he may not understand or you simply cannot get the words out or, She may have opened up to someone in the past and been knocked back so is worried...Hiding is saying to me she feels scared she doesn't no what to say or how to say it and the more she thinks about seeing you the more she feels these feelings, Catch 22 going around in circles.. She is scared of being hurt, If she comes back will she be hurt? That is maybe going through her mind and the staying away feels safer more secure. Its not good its not the right or wrong thing its just the way she feels, She needs to feel secure within. You cant help this if your not around, But maybe she feels a pain in the arse if she were to tell you how frustrated she actually feels with herself at this moment for feeling this way. I do hope you to can meet soon, Try not to get angry and hurt love, I no its difficult, its a bloody nightmare to be honest :) What about sending her some flowers a simple red rose with thinking of you can work wonders (just a thought) Sounds to me as if she needs allot of love and if she could only love herself a little then I'm sure things wouldn't be half as bad. I no what its like been there got the T-shirt cup n pen!!!!
Plus just a thought but sometimes girls do go through there friends to get to there men when they cant say something outright to your face...I'm thinking and thinking here for you hunny ,I've spent a good 6yrs trying to think like a man ya know logical n all that..I can understand you want to yell at her for F sake sort it out I'm dying here!!!! Talk to me tell me what you want see me so we can talk...I no, bloody women eh!!!!!!!If I say to you give it time you will be wanting to yell at me so all I can say is I hope I've helped a little, Good luck and hopefully soon very soon you will get some response TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, lil update, I got a text on Sunday, saying she had been thinking about seeing me, and she is not ready to see me one on one yet.. - so I just replied im here if you need me..... and that I understand....
This whole thing is making me feel angry, hurt, and want to bite back at her - or say something...
its wierd cos I hear more from her friends about her feelings, how she said in august, she wont ever have chemistr with anyone, or click like we do...... if I heard more of that from her i wouldnt have felt that she was such a closed book! and get frustrated....
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Well that's a start love hope it all goes well. keep us posted love good luck, I'm sure she is the thinking type, not in a nasty way but she may analyse allot, take care love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Ok, another update,sorry, we have agreed to meet next tues, I guess, I just have to look at it as friends, and if we can get on with that then it may be good, or it may be bad... who knows.... and if we can find each other again then its meant to be!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): ive text her it was al very ok, how are you, wanted to say when u want to hook up or meet, but didnt. ended text back by saying i missed her.... guess thats all i can do now
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): yeh guess you are right... Its crazy, we were literally talking about what we are going to do for xmas, she said she didnt want to be away from me at xmas.... then a week later we split over nonsence.
we spoke last week for an hour goin over each other thoughts on things, alot of it was sensible, and understanding on both parts... yet she still hasnt got in touch... and when ever we had a tiff this silence would happen....
Am i better not contact her? or wait? email her text? or am i better to leave it....
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (11 November 2008):
Hi Hunny
The amount of times I've heard well its time she/he got over past issues...Its not quite as easy as popping your washing away :)..I understand more now and don't be sorry for name dropping, I just wanted to get a better view on things...You could have told me to bugger off but you did not, you apologised...Your not a bad guy hun :)
The big thing here is the arguments, If you can think hard and clear about all this and realise what starts the arguments off then maybe go see her and have a really good talk about things and about how you feel.. Sometimes giving it time helps it cool off a little, And I do believe you love this girl..Her saying she could take the easy way out and be with you.. I don't understand that as she is saying...Its easy to be with you, Is this because she is used to you? And can anyone but do there best in a relationship, Giving a 100% all the time, You do your best, You have good and bad days but as long as you appreciate that person, Trust that person. Surely telling someone they are only putting say 80% into a relationship will make them wonder what the 20% is there not putting in..Therefore making you feel bad...I would never say to my fella your not putting 100% in..I'm sorry but there are times I don't, Not every minute of everyday but I try to do the best I can... You have realised the points you wish to change, You have admitted you can sometimes be selfish..Has she ever admitted she can be wrong as well? I don't no how long you want to wait love but Id sort it out in your head first give the talk a try and if then she is not giving you anything back then its time to really think if this will work out for you TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): guess so, but how long does it take?.... its been 2 months... seen each other twice!.... a few calls and emails!....
how long should u give it ??? im not normally like this, but I realised alot since we split how much i want to be with the person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): i feel for you as im in a similar situation,but you have got to back off and see if she realises what you had was good and cant judge everything on her past experiences otherwise she will never find true happiness and get over her insecurities
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): yeh she been hurt in the past and says that she could take the easy way out, and be with me, but accept she would be in an argumentative relationship..... and she didnt want that...
the argument was stupid, but she was always insecure etc, she felt i didnt give 100% to the relationship.... i would say i did, but at times I was selfish, and sorry for the name dropping......
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reader, pepper27 +, writes (10 November 2008):
Hi HunnyFirst because you choose to compliment her, If the pressure is on to compliment you back then it wont feel natural to her..What's missing here is what did you actually argue about, That may shed a whole different light on your post love..Sometimes we think that buying an expensive gift is all our partner needs to be happy again but the fact you mentioned Tiffany just says to me..Name dropping as if you were so good to her that she had no reason for breaking up hunny..I'm not saying its you I'm just saying you have said you put everything into this relationship and she has put in nothing, Lack of compliments...She sounds upset, She cannot be upset for no reason love, And if you no that you have a problem communicating then should you not help yourself with this as running to the pub is going to leave anyone worried and upset when you have argued, I personally like to sort things out or I'm really unhappy...She feels scared of being hurt love there must be more to this for her to react like this and breaking up every year for silly little things, If this is the woman you love and cherish and want to be your wife after 5yrs I would think she would be wanting to save this relationship..Has she been hurt in the past love? What is it you argue about for it to come to this? I'm not in anyway being mean here I'm only trying to work things out so I can give you a honest answer...I'm not having ago at you sweetheart please don't think that, I feel after 5yrs for this relationship to end over silly and niggling reasons is sad TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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