A
female
age
51-59,
*riendly girl
writes:I am so lonely after my husband had died, he was my best friend know he is gone. And do not have anyone to chat with at all. How can I make new friends or just have somebody close to talk with. I am fun person but people are so shallow and stupid. Give me were to go I have tried a lot of things even going to school, nice social clubs. Give some real advice, please!
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 June 2008):
Keep in mind that if you have this inner belief that "people are so shallow and stupid", you're going to have a hard time making friends. If you change the way you think of people, you might discover that shallow people are deeper than they first appear, and stupid people are smarter than they seem at first. Also, I wouldn't mind having a friend or two who were shallow or stupid, but who made me laugh and loved me with their whole hearts. People aren't perfect and you and I aren't either, sometimes its better to take what people have to offer you rather than criticise them for what they can't give you. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): I know this sounds weird but my sister moved to nyc a while ago and she had a hard time meeting people and making friends. So she joined this online site where you get connected with friends, NOT lovers. Its strictly for friends. And I seem to remember her mentioning that she had met a couple of cool girls that way...that's just one idea even though its kind of awkward...
Or maybe you can try to rekindle with old friends by joining facebook or myspace...I have rekindled with a lot of people from high school who now I am in touch with and we are friends again after having lost touch for years...
But most people meet friends through their neighbors (I've always had cool friendly neighbors), school (all my friends I know through school), work (most people make friends through work), sports (alot of women play tennis or other sports where you can make friends), through friends and family (I have always made friends through mutual friends)...
Do you have any family or siblings?? They are your "friends" by default.
Anyways, hope my suggestions could help. Take care..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): I am not from the States but the UK but am sorry for your loss. The weird thing is I could have written your words although I am married. I am unhappily married and loneliness is everywhere for me too as friends have kind of left me (us) alone now and we have changed area to somewhere horrible. I think what I am saying is that your loss and your isolation I am sure are different in this instance of not having friends because, like you, I think friends are so hard to find particularly at our age. I am determined to have a small, really good group of friends and the kind of things I have thought about joining or doing are as follows (they are my interests but also I think its a chance to really talk or engage on a more deep level with people - not just idiots hanging around in bars):
Reading group - people read a book and discuss its contents
Discussion group - philosophy (I don't know much about this subject but it sounds stimulating I saw it listed in the local paper)
Dancing (Ceroc or Salsa) - fun, safe, polite, sociable and more adult than clubbing. Dancing is supposed to be great for the mood.
Volunteering / Charity work - I want to set myself a one off challenge because my esteem is low I hope I will meet like minded people who either want to achieve too, or like helping people. You have to find a charity that really motivates you.
I also want to change where I live. I know my marriage is realy over so I have started to think about the place itself and am motivated to go and have a look at some new towns or areas - maybe stay a couple of days in each.
I am a great believer that if you are clear and write down what you want somehow you will get it otherwise you can flounder around for weeks or months going around in circles. I hope this helps. The main thing is to find positive energy GIVING people not those who will drain you.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 Lotusmama88 had some very good points. I really think that following your passions will lead you to others that have similar outlooks on life. There is nothing as attractive as a person who is engaged in what they are doing. You're bound to meet other kindred souls if you just throw yourself into what you love to do.
I feel strongly that people aren't given extreme challenges in life without a reason, that God only gives you as much as you can handle. He must have thought you were a very strong soul to have lead you on this path. I have faith that there is a reason behind this. Big hugs and God bless. I have a few spiritual beliefs even if I am not a church goer...
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (9 June 2008):
 UUUUnfortunatly, good, down to eartj people are super hard to vome by. I lived in so-Cali all my life, and got sick of the plastic energy all around me. Like you, I tried going to clubs, went to college, etc, seems like they are everywhere!!! I finally moved to Hawaii about 9 years ago, and there seems to be a good flow of naturally happy, down to earth people out here. The thing is, most of the good people get sick of the hoo-ha and move to remote places. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cant imagine losing the one person that GETS you, and you feel comfertable with. After that, it must feel hard to find someone to connect with:(
We are around, just not in the places where a whole lot of fakeness lurks;) Good luck on your search, keep us updated.
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