A
female
age
41-50,
*ost_inlove
writes:I'm feel like I'm stuck in this mess and really need some answers or guidance from ppl that have been through what I'm going through. So I have been with my fiance since 2007 around Christmas time of 2010 I have found out that he was cheating on me so after Christmas I had left him, so from January til October of last year he had been going back and forth with me and her than in February I had found out she was pregnant. I have told him I would give him a second chance. So we have been together since October of 2011 and after ppl were arrested and horrible things was said and he had taken our son away from me that I had to get a restraining order. They child is born and his family is using his son to try to break us up so he had made boundaries with his family. If the can't treat his wife with respect than they can't be apart of us or our1year son. He has done mostly everything I have ask him to. And proven that he wants to have his family back. But it whenever the bitch call or text he is like glue to his phone. He has told me he doesn't love her and not attracted to her. If he doesn't love me we won't be together that I know is true. So we had an arguments last about if I can't do this than I should just leave, he told me I don't have to help or care for his child, but I don't know if i can accept his affair child I'm afraid of how I or myself will react to seeing him interactive with that child my son is already really jealous when he holds his cousin baby. I owe it to myself and and my son to see if we can work. But I'm just so angry at him for having a other child when I don't want that child to b part of my life and I know that I will not have a family if i can accept him. I don't know what to do because my son lives his daddy so much and don't want him to hate me in the future. Help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): OP no one has walked in your shoes and no one knows your pain. Your hb had an affair and had a kid with the other woman. As long as he contributes for the kids wellbeing you don't have to see him/her. It is selfish for him to just expect u to accept his offspring. For your own sanity if u are not ready to see his other kid, then don't. U owe no one any explanation. U take all the time u need to heal bec the betrayal was a raw , life changing experience.
Yes the kid is innocent. However u choose whether u want any interaction with him/her or not. Don't feel pressurised to make a decision.
One day at a time OP. Heal and get stronger with your emotions. Right now u cannot even comprehend how/why he cheated and u now have to deal with his other kid. That is not fair. So be selfish: yes, selfish, and deal with this situation on a one day at a time basis.
OP this is not an easy decision and easy life but slowly when u start to heal, u will make wise choices.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Lost_inlove +, writes (26 January 2012):
Lost_inlove is verified as being by the original poster of the question He has choose His family over here. I know i still have alot of angry and resentment. I'm having a hard time letting him love me. I don't know if i can forgive him for doing this to us as of rite now. I am not sure if i can take in the child as a part of my family. I haven't seen this child it he has told me he wants to work on us first before bringing the child around. He has told me that he wants to move to Montana. We currently live in California. He wants to have a new start for our family. He had decided that its best for us and once we work on us he will have the child visit latter in the future
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (26 January 2012):
 I think that you are directing your anger and pain to the wrong persons! It was your partner that had an affair and betrayed your trust. The fact that this woman got pregnant was because your bf went out there and slept with her! The baby obviously is the innocent one in all this!
If you have decided to forgive your man for cheating and take him back...that means you are ok with the fact that he had an affair and you have to accept the baby! He/she end of the day is a half sibling to your son.
You man being hooked on the phone when the other woman calls is a whole other story! If he really loves you and really wanted to make things work...he would set the record straight with her to make you feel secure and happy! He needs to know this. He has to make a decision btwn her and you and stick to it!!!!
I think you have not forgiven him and you are hurt and angry (rightfully so)... and you are filled with resentment and anger. Its not healthy for you or your son! It seems to me you need to make some big decisions about finding out what will make you happy! I doubt you're in the right place! Good luck hun xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): Please seek couples therapy ASAP so you can work together to heal and recover from his betrayal. Its easy for him to act non chalant but its insensitive of him to think you should be over it. An affair and a child is a huge trial to overcome and he should be helping you with it. And his attitude is not helpful, supportive, or understanding.The both of you working together and realizing that You and Son, by his choice, are FIRST priority and are his FAMILY, the other child is his child and he does have rights to fulfill but you should both be developing a relationship with the child and your son should as well.Sounds loopy to suggest but it is the right thing to do and will have the healthy boundary of Dad remains Dad and he has no second family with this 'other' woman. She is no longer anything that takes your Place and your Relationship.She's a threat to put it plainly.Counselling- ASAP.
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