| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm just gonna' jump right in here...Almost a year ago I lost my Dad. At the time I was in a relationship that was coming to an end. Anyway, when my Dad passed my partner at the time told me she was pregnant. But because of the timing of my Dad and the state of our relationship she decided to get rid of our baby. This made me the lowest I have ever been in my life. The loss of my Dad and of a child. As a result my partner at the time and I went our separate ways. I decided the best thing to do was to move back in with my Mum. Anyway almost a year has passed since my Dad's passing and what my ex done. I'm in a much better place now. I think I'm the most content I've ever been in my life. A couple of months ago my friends suggested that I should maybe start dating again and I thought it was a good idea too to start dating again. Since then I've been on a few dates, but I've just not been interested. I then took this girl out at the weekend who was absolutely stunning. Great personality, but again I was just not interested. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't seem to be interested. I like to live the quiet life. Go to the gym. I go the gym most days. But I just keep myself to myself. Is it just because of what's happened? Like I said, I'm really happy now, but I just don't seem to be interested in having a relationship.Thanks in advance for everyone's advice.
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 IF you are really happy then don't change anything..
BUT I am betting that because YOU asked you are PRETENDING to be happy. You've suffered tramatic losses in the last year and perhaps pretending to be happy is what's really going on.
The mind can convince us that we are happy even when deep down inside we are not.
For example.. my bf is 38 and had never had a serious relationship. He has been alone most of his adult life. He convinced himself he was happy as a hermit. Then he met me... now he can't imagine not being part of a couple... HE would have happily gone along without a partner until he died...
Humans NEED companionship. That's why solitary confinement is such a punishment. Its' a bio need.
IF you are TRULY happy then keep things status quo but I suggest some brief therapy to determine if you are truly happy or just convincing yourself you are.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): You've been mouring for several things, the death of your Dad, end of your relationship and the loss of the baby.
This does obviously take it out of you, you would be a cold fish indeed if it hadn't affected you.
We can build walls round us,create a cocoon where nobody will have the chance to hurt us...this is fine, it allows us to mourn. However, we are still here, living and breathing, the world and our lives in front of us.Don't spend forever protecting yourself... When you are ready you will meet somebody again, probably have a family one day too
But not if you don't get out there and take some risks,nobody is forcing you to date but wouldn't it be good to feel that glow of love again one day?
...............................
A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 A relationship just might not be what you need at this time in your life. It's a good idea to keep dating to keep yourself out there, but if you're not interested then you're not interested.
I've had dates where I haven't had the slightest bit of interest in the other girl or seeing her again, there's nothing overly wrong with that, just sometimes you're not feeling a relationship.
You might also just need to wait for the right girl to come along again
...............................
A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 It sounds to me like you have a nice little quiet life you have built for yourself, a very controlled environment you like to keep. It's like a science lab. In your lab you have all your little gadgets and habits you are totally content with because you know 100% what it's about. You've tested them all so you know they are not hazardous. But if you let a foreign substance enter into you little lab(aka:quiet life) then you could jeopardize the entire stability of which your life stands on.Hope you enjoyed that illustration. Look, basically you seem emotionally indifferent to people. To find love is to be open to others and see possibilities. Your young and eligible but you can't find interest in any woman if you have no interest holding another life dear to your heart. We all get hurt, fall on our face, and then get back up again. Sometimes this happens numerous times in our lives. But that's okay. It's more important to live life than to preserve it in a little jar. Live---is a verb. So go do it. Contentment is good, and there is nothing wrong with that, if ultimately you see yourself in the same situation ten years down the road. But if in ten years you see yourself as a family man then start being more open. Notice the life around you. Some people are so full of life it's intriguing. Maybe a woman like that would finally catch your fancy and inspire you to take risks. Wishing you the best! Now go LIVE!
...............................
|
