A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My boyfriend went into debt buying things for his ex. But he doesn't spend very much money on me- he did learn and grow wiser from having made so many mistakes from that relationship but I am still mildly jealous that she got him to spend vast amounts of money and I cant. How do I get over this? I don't want him to spend money on me but I dont want to feel jealous.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 Been there sister! When I first became involved with my b/f I felt like I was always living in his ex-girlfriend's shadow. Even though they'd broken up 2 years before, he was not over her, and still hoping she'd come back. As time went by and we became closer, I found myself comparing our relationship to the one he had with her. It was torture because he did everything for her and put very little into the relationship with me. I knew part of it was a protection mechanism so he wouldn't feel like a fool twice. I'm sure on some level he didn't trust women after that because she made off with all his furniture, hocked the engagement ring he gave her among other horrible things. For the first 2 years we were together he didn't even remember my birthday, much less buy me a gift or card. It was tough feeling like "second fiddle" made doubly worse by my own insecurities. Even after we moved in together things came up. At Christmas he didn't even want to decorate the house, yet when she was with him, he went all out for her, bought her this huge tree (yes I stumbled onto some old photos when he was out of town). We lived in a beautiful house (the house he bought for her) but he never took an interest in the yard, just let it get run down and yellow. It was as though he didn't care to mow it for me, I wasn't the woman he had planned on being there with, so he just didn't care about things like that. Oh yes, there were many, many things I had to work through before he finally began to see how it was affecting me. It's been a slow process but he has finally began to pull his head out of the old relationship and put it into ours. I wish you the best.
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