A
male
age
36-40,
*s77
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for a year. I found out about this guy on facebook she has him as friend on facebook and instagram, she had feelings for him when she got divorced years ago. I don't know if she talks to him or text him on a daily basis...But how should I trust her? Is this a red flag? What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2016): There is only one thing to do.Ask her to remove him from Facebook and Instagram.I know some will disagree but when people are lingering on social media, it provides an instant and tempting opportunity to keep in touch with them. All the while, by the very act of having them at your fingertips, that once contact begins, it continues. And blossoms into something that it should not be. Leads to somewhere it should not lead.So, want to eliminate all threats? Possibilities? Then eliminate them from social media. For starters.Look at it this way: If you are on a DIET and know that you can be tempted by the bag of chips in your pantry, why not throw it out instead. AND make sure whenever you are in the grocery store, you DO NOT BUY CHIPS ever again.So many problems begin and end on Facebook and other forms of social media. Problems which never existed before this age of instant communication and gratification.I do not like all the women on my boyfriend's Facebook. And I told him just that. He actually did delete a lot of them for me. And I felt better. Because it shows he respects our relationship by doing this.It is not because I don't trust him. I just don't trust these women. I do not want him to be accessible to them like that. I am from the school that you need to protect relationships. If you are friending women, liking pics on Facebook or Instagram, creating private chat opportunities in Messenger, etc. it just opens up this can of worms that should never be opened. So many people are attention whores and look for validation. Intentions are comments are taken out of context. One message leads to another. It is all needless, mindless DRAMA.So, to avoid all that and keep yourself and your relationship SANE, stay off social media or remove all ex boyfriends or girlfriends. And remove the possibility of them causing trouble for your your relationship and then ultimately ending it.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2016):
 you ask how should you trust her, well the question is has she done something to break your trust? She has been with you for a year, she has a male friend who she may have or may not have got with in the past, that does not mean she is going to cheat on you, not at all. Where you checking up on her facebook? Are there more reasons why you are insecure?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2016): If she has been open with you about her past & present with this guy? And she shows no signs of "trouble" besides still staying in touch?
Chill. Sometimes people do go from lovers to friends and that's it. Keep an eye on it but don't trip out & obsess over it.
If she has been close friends with this guy the whole year that you are together? And you only recently found out that they have shared fluids in the past?
You absolutely had the right to know from the beginning. This guy is not in her past, he is in her present. That makes it your business. When she hid truth (and don't fall for any "I didn't think that past stuff was relevant" bullshit), it effectively meant that she was seeing an ex-fling behind your back all that time.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 June 2016):
The first reg flag I see is your Jealousy.
"Anger is cruel and destructive, but it is nothing compared to jealousy."
Your Girlfriend has a history with this guy before you...and that could be all there is. They were close once, been there done that, and now good friends.
Unless you ask...NOTE*** ASK...her nicely, what's going on and hear her side...what is the point of being jealous?
If she does have something going on with him...Awesome...Now you know to get the heck out of there, and let her become someone else's problem.
Still...zero need to be jealous.
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