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female
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*B
writes: My partner and i have a brilliant relationship except for his parents. They ring us every morning and expect him to call out to their house in the evening doing stuff. Even on his day off he still has to do things for them. Getting too much cause we can never do or go anywhere unless they say its ok. He works for them so they want reasons as to why he is off. Also they can't go out for nights only for us and its ringing the whole time until we are there. Don't think our relationship will last much longer. When they click their fingers he must jump straight away. Its not fair. They check hes bank and credit cards and question him on what he spends his money on. He reckons i'll have to get use to it. Its been 2 years now and i can't take anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): Your partner's parents are "right in the middle" of your relationship and you have a right to be upset, dear. Your bf stays in a 'safe' neutral territory and refuses to rock the boat, at the profound risk to his love relationship, with you. He has to make changes-these are 'his' parents. If he doesn't make changes-your relationship will slide further in oblivion and then cease to exist. The the both of you need to sit down and make a plan together of how much you both will permit any or all outside interference from his parents. Work it out together..calmly and maturely. If you can't do this on your own...call in a couples therapist to assist the two of you. I think your relationship has to have boundaries established in regards, to the parents. Your relationship take high priority first, always. The next step would be time for your husband to deal with his folks. They are his parents and his responsibility. Support him about his good choices, successes but accept his failures or difficulties. This is unconditional, mature love. Realize, he needs to find a voice to cope with demanding and controlling parents..it takes time. Your husband should be clear with his parents that he will not stand for outside interference. He must make them understand that if it is between his love partner and parents, that he loves them but he will always choose his love partner, first. And now...it is time for you to step back (detach) for awhile and stop tormenting yourself by reacting and fussing about their poor treatment of your bf, their son.. it is a given. Let it go. A detachment that can be respectful, polite and kind, and when needed - distant. A detachment that will eventually help you laugh and cope with the parent's predictable, silly, controlling antics. Your bf just needs to sit with them and lovingly tell them...he needs to live his life with you...away from their prying eyes and interferences. But remember, his work life revolves around his parents...they will always be a big part of the picture. The most important thing he can do when it comes to your own time 'personal' together...he needs to just learn to say no.
So if your bf can calmly..lay out some ground rules for the parents--you need to step back and keep encouraging and recognizing his good solid efforts. I wish you luck and it sounds like you really love him. So be patient..this will take time.
Hugs, Irish
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (8 February 2006):
 Are his parents in total control of every aspect of his life? Why does he feel such a need to obey every order they give out? I think either they must have some serious money and he is afraid of being cut out the will or he actually enjoys it!
This is ridiculous situation to be in and I think you are gonna have to make a stand. But if you issue an ultimatum make sure you are willing to let him go. I feel he will shose them over you and he will never make you happy like this. x
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (8 February 2006):
Are his parents in total control of every aspect of his life? Why does he feel such a need to obey every order they give out? I think either they must have some serious money and he is afraid of being cut out the will or he actually enjoys it!
This is ridiculous situation to be in and I think you are gonna have to make a stand. But if you issue an ultimatum make sure you are willing to let him go. I feel he will shose them over you and he will never make you happy like this. x
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (8 February 2006):
 Ditch him he is tied to his mummy and daddy and you come well down the pecking order.
Trust me it will not get better asw he is fine with it all, he has told you to get used to it, you dont want to and neither should you.
Your parting advice to him should be to "get a new job and a life" along with a new partner.
There is just one passing thought, is his parents loaded!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): I'm assuming he's over 18, and if he is what business is it of theirs to check his bank account and credit cards to ask him where he spends the money HE has earned? Nobody should have to get used to that! He surely has a good enough relationship with his parents to say enough is enough as they are clearly taking advantage of him. If he works for them, they may say his job is on the line if he doesnt do them favours, in which case they arent very good parents. Tell him AND his parents to get real. Nobody should have to play second fiddle to parents in any committed relationship.
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