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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I really love my boyfriend, but he did something that reallyhurt me and makes me angry, as insignificant as it may sound and I can't let go! So, he was angry with me on Tuesday. That day I called him and he told me that he had seen so many really hot chicks in the street (he knows I'm insecure, especially about my small chest). I asked him what they had that I didn't and he said "They were really voluptuous".Yesterday we made up and I asked him if what he had said was true. He said it was. He told me: "Of course, it's just a matter of looking around and you'll notice there are really fine girls all over. You honestly didn't think you were the only hot one, did you?". Of course I didn't, I'm no model, but why does he have to be so blunt and vocal about that! In such situations keep it to yourself or LIE if you have to. Of course I don't like liars, but I prefer he lies about his attraction to other women.I know, I know "All guys appreciate beauty, they can't help it", but I can't get past this, since I've been told I'm ugly my whole life and I can't wear cleavaegey tops 'cause I look ridiculous all flat! And now when I go out I can't help but notice these women who dress with a lot of cleavage and are obviously more attractive than I am and his comment just keeps playing in my mind "There are really fine girls all over"... I know it's normal for him to have a wandering eye and that it probably means nothing but it hurts, it makes me feel less special and less sexy and desirable (and in consequence, less sexual towards him... why bother if he can't appreciate what he has?). However, if I tell him how I feel he just thinks I'm being insecure again (which really annoys him), that all guys look, other girls aren't this jealous and insecure over these matters, that they don't care if their boyfriends look, that they don't nag and that he is a guy and guys look, and that if Idon't like it then there's the door! He says with this type of beahivor it seems like I want to break up. But I don't, it just hurts but he thinks I'm overreacting. Why can't he understand that it hurts? Oh, and there's no way I'm gonna start trying to make him jealous, since he'll take it the WRONG way and it can end up messy (he's the jealous type, and has issues because most of his exes cheated on him so he's sensitive about everything that involves attraction or flirting to other guys). Plus, I don't get a kick out of checking out guys (especially since in my town most guys are ugly anyway), I don't get that arousal or fantasies that guys do when they look at hot chicks. I just feel nothing. guess I'm not visual. I need to interact or have my ego stroked (by being checked out, for instance, it kind of makes me feel like I'm hot and desirable... and what woman doesn't like that?).Ok, so long question short, how do I deal with his wandering eye? Now I just feel paranoid of going out because I know I'm not as hot as they are and I get really jealous and envious of how he thinks of them instead of me! Like I'm not good enough and not special. As I already said, it plain HURTS.
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flirt, his ex, insecure, jealous, liar Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): This is really disgusting and I feel so sorry for you having to put up with such a sad boyfriend :( :( :( Who completely isn't acting like a boyf at all!
Please dump him. :)
Save your self esteem and happiness :)
DUmping him- in the short term it will be hard and horrible, but in the long term you will be happy and closer to finding a better man :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): Bibu, I appreciate your advice, but why do people always assume that if one is insecure, then one IS overweight? I'm not. I'm slim, just not Playboy hot. I don't have big breasts, a huge butt, gorgeous face, long legs, very blonde hair... I'm not fat. But that doesn't mean I'm hot.
My problems can't be fixed, short of surgery. Some can't be fixed at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): He's obviously not worth your time. This is going to destroy you if you don't get out now. Other women are lying to you when they say they don't get insecure. We are naturally insecure. Tell him if he doesn't stop you will leave- and MEAN it! If he doesn't- leave and not look back. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 I hate that answer "all guys notice other women, they can't help it." They can help it. My boyfriend tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world to him and all other women have completely lost their appeal, that he doesn't even notice anymore. I don't know if he's telling the truth, but it doesn't matter because it's what he says and he NEVER comments about another woman's good looks and works hard not to check out other women (of course he slips sometimes, but who doesn't). My point it, you deserve someone who will tell you that instead of making you feel bad. That's incredibly insensitive of him. It sounds like this is overtaking your life to an obsession. Your partner is right for you if they make you happy and like a better person. He should make you feel like you're the most beautiful woman in the world. If he doesn't, you need a new partner.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 December 2009):
If he's telling you there are hot women in the street, then he's not worth a moment of your time. Your his girlfriend and you're supposed to be number 1 in his life. If you're not, he's not good enough.
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