A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I could really use some good advice right now as I'm steadily destroying my relationship with my boyfriend of nearly a year.I met him after he'd been split from his long-term(8years) girlfriend and mother to his two children 6 and 3. She finally threw him out after a year of him not giving her affection anymore and generally being distant with her. He says he got 'bored of routine' and admitted that he'd fallen out of love with her cos she had changed in some ways to when he first met her. When they met she was 18 and he was 22. At first he said he was devestated about the breakup but more because of not being able to live with his children, and wondering where he was going to live. but after about 5 months he felt ready to date again and was over her. He said the only thing that still bothered him was the thoughts of his kids being looked after by another man when she meets someone else.The thing is, I kind of have this sick jealousy thing going on about her. I got with him after they'd been split for 8 months and at first he was very apprehensive about getting into another relationship - I told him to go and leave me alone till he'd made his mind up and he did, for 2 weeks then he came back to me fully committed. We have been together since and he has told me he loves me and I can tell he does BUT...I am ruining it cos I can't help myself but be insanely jealous about their history together. It makes me feel almost sick to think of them trying for a baby and then how happy they must have been when she did get pregnant. I feel like saying really nasty things about her cos I hate her so much for having children with the man of my dreams.He has said that he wouldn't swap me for anyone and he's never had this much fun with anyone. He has also reassured me that he would never want to go back to her under any circumstances. I think i tend to compare myself a lot to her - she's more placid than me etc and I worry that he doesn't love me as much as he loved her. Help how do I get over this jealousy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): hey brownwolf, Thanks! That really put things into perspective - afterall, I've got what I've always wanted & what am I doing? Instead of enjoying it like I should I am sat there being jealous of someone who he doesn't even love anymore!!
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (1 November 2010):
Well, let's see...You have tried being jealous, that did not help. You tried anger, and nope. Your guy tried reassurance...nope.
So...Let's try LOVE!!! That's right...LOVE.
Love her for giving him up, cause now you have him. Love her for making things so bad, your man (thanks to her) does not want to go back to her at all...Hmmm...Yep That works :))
You got the man of your dreams, and you spend your time dong what??? Be jealous... Yeah ok. I think you have better ways to spend that time an energy...Yes :))
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Thanks for your answer xlaurenx, I am the OP.
I think what really worries me is that when he came along I had so wanted to meet someone like him and was overcome wiht happiness at my luck. I had been single for so long. Whereas he was in a nice caring relationship for years, so it kinda feels as if the scales are weighed heavily in his favour in that I need him more than he needs me if that makes sense.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): You just have to accept that he has had a life before you-just as you had one before him! There is nothing you can change but I am glad you recognise if you carry on how you are you are going to risk ruining your relationship.
There is no need to be jealous. If she was so great he would still be with her but he's not, he has chosen to be with you and loves you.
It can't be easy having proof of their happiness together in front of you in the form of their children but he no longer wants her.
Please try and come to be civil about her, in both thoughts and actions as she is the mother of his children, as you may be one day, and when you two have children together you would want her to respect you so you must try to respect her.
This is just my thoughts on it so take as much or as little as you want :D
Good Luck
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