A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This may seem strange coming from a male but i just dont really care about sex anymore. Its not that i dont like it, but i just dont have a NEED for it like i used to when i was younger. Im in my mid 30's now and while thats not old i am feeling like my libido is turned way down.Part of me worries im subconsciously unattracted to my wife now, but i honestly dont think thats it. i can easily go weeks without thinking about having sex, on the other hand my wife lately has gone the opposite direction, she used to never ask, would be too tired or not in the mood but now its almost every other day shes trying to get me in bed. and i think its upsetting her. Sometimes i just do it to make her happy.I know if any woman is reading this shes saying "welcome to our world" lol. but what should i do? should i go to the doctore to get tested if i have low testosterone or is that dumb to think about at 35?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2020): Consider yourself lucky! My desire has been reducing as I turned 30. Honestly it’s been tough. In my long relationship, I have had to suffer as I have always had a high sex drive.
I can’t wait until my sex drive totally drops to near zero than I will have the fun: anytime I get asked by my partner, I can finally say I’m tired and go sleep. I can finally jus make all excuses under the sun.
So I would say your blessed you don’t have this need. I don’t even have kids and I used to be mad about sex. Now I’m so happy it’s winding down.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2020): I agree with just about everyone here....Go to the doctor.It could be something serious example....prostate cancer.Get checked out...call today.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2020): I go with the consensus. See your doctor.
Have you two had any serious arguments where some very nasty words were exchanged? You may be internalizing some serious resentment towards her.
Communicate with your wife to let her know you're dealing with a few things; and you may seem distant at the moment. When you suddenly lose interest in your partner sexually, they'll become suspicious. They'll begin to feel rejected, and resentful, and they'll jump to conclusions. This could be a subconscious-reaction to her rejection. She turned you down when you wanted her. It's humiliating and crushing to the self-esteem. You were vulnerable. You don't like her very much for that.
Your wife consistently rejected you for sex; and that tends to have a psychological/emotional affect. It hurts. You get tired of taking "no" for an answer; and then you'll resign yourself to celibacy. The wall goes up. "I don't need you either!" She shot herself in the foot! Now that the shoe is on the other foot; suddenly she wants sex! Like the saying goes: " You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!"
You're too young to lose interest in sex with your wife.
Don't dismiss the possibility that: "Part of me worries im subconsciously unattracted to my wife now, but i honestly dont think thats it."
You need to reflect, and self-evaluate through introspection. Assess the quality of your marital-relationship. Don't be afraid to admit to yourself if loss of physical-attraction is a possibility. Dodging judgment and condemnation from us is unnecessary. It is what it is!
If not a medical reason, you'll need to determine why you're disinterested in sex altogether. It could have a permanently damaging-effect on your marriage. You have to be honest with yourself in order to resolve the problem. If it's her weight, hygiene, lack of response during love-making, or suspicion she's cheating. Face it, and determine if and how you want to solve the problem.
It's unfortunate when it's regarding her body or appearance. There are factors such as health, childbirth, eating disorders, thyroid, and aging; that aren't really her fault. You have to be honest, even if it hurts. If you love her, and she loves you; you'll find middle-ground to work it out. Provided the problem isn't too far-gone and/or irreconcilable to overcome.
It's more likely a treatable health-problem; but rejecting your mate, and depriving him or her of intimacy has to have emotional consequences and repercussions. If it's not a health-issue or temporary in nature; the relationship may not survive.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (14 November 2020):
 Yes it is quite early on in your like for a disinterest in sex.
It seems you and your wife are at the opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to your sexual desires.
I think it would be a good idea to go along to your GP and seek some advice, and just get checked out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2020):
 I think you should go see your doctor. It's a BIT on the early side for a man to drop his libido. It can be low T but it can also be many other things, so get an appointment.
It is also common for women to get a increase in libido from 30'ish to menopause.
How IS your sex life? Boring? Could it be that neither of you put in much of an effort into sex. And trust me, there is nothing easier to make you lose your libido than bad or meeh sex.
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