A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i need help i dont know what to do. in my 30s living with parents and i feel like i did when i was 16. they pay all the bills so i dont have them worries but i suffer from depression and find getting a job hard. i was starting to feel a bit better had counselling looked into volunteer work and its all so hard to even get that. you have to pay for courses and also im gay i would love to be a house wife and adopt but on the council list for a flat and you cant adopt i looked into it as you only get a one bedroom and i need a two bedroom but cant aford a private place without a job and even with a job how i can work and adopt a child at the same time. i feel lost and empty have no family apart from mum and dad and not many friends who i really see. i have my girlfriend but shes looking for work as well. i just feel i dont have a life at my age and everything i try or look into doesnt work out. what else can i do. i dont have brothers or sisters and i dont have a guarantor to even get a private place. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): yeah your right i do need the job first and i am starting to get more interviews now. only thing is most jobs only want to offer a few hours a week and very hard to find full time. most of them i see are under 20 hrs a week and i can do that as im at home but to really be able to move on and move out i need full time. i cant even drive because lessons are too much and cost to run a car.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): First things first, which is you need to get a stable job. Set aside the idea of adopting a child or being a stay at home wife. You need to first get a job and establish your own financial independence so you can then have these other options.
"yes health comes first im going to do more counselling. i just feel a bit stuck in a rut because i need a well paid job and i see lots of women stay at home being a house wife with kids and i cant have that."
Yes lots of women are stay at home wives with kids. And you know what, a lot of them are also depressed (I know, my friends are). They complain that staying at home all day, day in, day out, with no social interaction other than children, or other moms, makes them bored, aimless and depressed after a while. So, being stay at home is not all it is cracked up to be. You know the stereotype of the 1950s suburban housewife who has the white picket fence, successful breadwinning husband, beautiful kids... and when her husband is at work she secretly drinks vodka to numb her pain or has affairs with the mailmen....as with all stereotypes there is a grain of truth in it.
Feeling out of control of your life is for sure very depressing, that's a well established fact. Having nothing you pursue work out, makes you feel out of control and depressed. The only option I think, is to keep pursuing until something comes through and succeeds. You may need to change up your job hunting tactics or strategies, you may need to 'put yourself out there' more or in a different way, but you need to keep trying until you succeed.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): good answer thank you very much.i look into more hobbies and group work. yes health comes first im going to do more counselling. i just feel a bit stuck in a rut because i need a well paid job and i see lots of women stay at home being a house wife with kids and i cant have that.my parents have always put me down all my life and never had any reason to be proud of me because i havent done anything. all my cousins are married and got jobs and their kids have even grown up doing well in good jobs and got married and have a family. im left on the shelf alone. i also look about 18.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 Hi
Not sure why but this post reminds me of a post a while back. Depression is indeed debilitating.
However your post sounds like you really want to get things moving in the right direction. You are recognizing that your life needs more LIFE in it. And you are also feeling as if you are running out of idea.
I am here to suggest some options. Hope they help
And in your case it is important that you follow all your Doctor's medical advice. Otherwise the depression can become over-whelming.
Sounds like you have explored many options and some seem impossible right now.
But you would still like to see some improvement in your life.
Right now, your housing and employment situation unresolved. In view of that and your maybe a baby might be a bridge too far to aim for, while your own life still needs a little tweaking to get things to a more bearable state.
Your health MUST come first.
After that I think it is time to reach out to people, even if that means you have more contact online with people with a shared purpose.
Can you learn to knit? A neighbour might be able to help you learn or there are many online instructions about how to knit. Why am I going on about knitting? Because you have me a clue. You would love a baby. What about helping tiny babies who need help?
Very very tiny vulnerable premature babies are always in need of tiny clothing when they are born. They rely on volunteers to make that clothing and along the way they make new friends with fellow makers of the clothing.
Here are two of the web sites that offer opportunties to help.
http://www.bonniebabies.co.uk/ (turn the sound down before you click on the link)
http://www.ukhandknitting.com/knitting_for_charity.php
http://www.do-it.org.uk/search/opportunities/1847689/Knit,_Crotchet_or_sew_for_premature_babies_or_those_who_dont_make_it. (it’s a very long URL)
Then there are chances to consider joining a fitness group near you. Or if that is too difficult consider getting a Wii so that you can exercise at home.
http://www.curves.co.uk/
Then there are support groups where you can meet other people who will understand what you are really going through and be able to offer advice.
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Depression/Pages/Depressionselfhelpgroups.aspx
http://www.depressionuk.org/
And once you get your confidence level to a more positive level then maybe a group like or similar to one of the groups below might become more of an option in the future?
https://www.hensdancing.com/franchise/uk-women-s-franchise-opportunity/
http://www.theathenanetwork.com/
Best wishes
Abella
...............................
|
