A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i am 19 and have been having a hidden relationship with my 38 year old step mom for almost 2 years. Sometime last year it turned sexual. Now she is divorced from my dad (since last week)and is waiting to move to an apartment with me (1 month). Both sides of my family know somethings up and that im moving in with her. My only problem is how will my family ever accept us. This is someone who they have all seen before. how can i put into words what happened it seems so unacceptable for a older woman younger man relationship without the fact that she married my dad. basically i don't know how to talk about me and her. how should i reveal my relationship to my family and friends? plz anyone with advice, my head is torn on what to do but my heart says follow through
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 A dog? That is part of your justification?
Look, try this. REVERSE THE GENDERS. What if it was a step father hooking up with his step daughter? Now how do you all feel?
Read the book The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz.
She was in a position of trust, guardianship and protection and YOU WERE A MINOR.
You trying to justify something that you know is wrong is very much like a sex abuse victim calling an abuse a form of relationship.
Do not move in with her, and take some time to find a sex therapist. You are a victim in this, not a partner.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 im glad to see that you are definitely NOT rushing into this and you are being very mature and sensible about wat may or may not happen. as long as you know the consequences it may have, and are happy about your decision then go for it. like all relationships there are going to be bumps in the road, some bigger than others. deal with them, accept them, move on and you will be happy. wish you all the best. and i hope you and your dad can find some ground to stand on together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to thank everyone for there responses, it really helps to read what anyone has to say. Dont take it personal but i still need more advise to try and look at it from many different angles ( i cant get it out of my mind, and it drags me down, i guess i kinda feel depressed about the whole situation). Yea i know no matter what i do someone will be hurt at some emotional level.
the divorce was inevitable between my father and step mom. There has been divorce papers 3 times in the last 5 years. also they havent slept in the same bed for over 2 years. so for my own peace of mind i dont think we are a reason for them to divorce.
and sorry to be closed minded but me and my step mom are the proud owners of a 2 year old siberian husky so by the middle of next month we will be living together. I know it might not be forever and ever but at the same time deep in my heart i love her, so my plan is to give it a shot see what happens. Im going into the relationship knowing everything might not last forever, that people my be pissed at me, that my dad may never want to talk to me (me and my dad were never really to tight), and that it could blow up in my face years down the road. I'm just gonna take it day by day and just see what happens. once again i can't thank everyone enough this is like my outlet where i can just try to calm my mind.
any and all sugestions comments question are more than welcome
VERY INTERESTING
i found this in the movie the bucket list
The egyptians before entering there after life had to answer two questions. there answers would affect there placement in the after life.
1. Have you found joy in your life?
2. Has your life brought joy to others?
i will prob be sending more in daily as my mind races
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (10 August 2008):
The issue is NOT the age difference between you and your step mom. This issue is that you have betrayed your father, your own flesh and blood.
Relationships are hard enough to make work, and your started out as an affair and a betrayal of family. You will both repeat the same behavior patterns, and it is just a matter of time before one of you betrays the other.
Do not move in with this woman. Go live on your own and get your head strait. As it stands, based on your age, this started when you were a minor and legally she could be arrested pending what state you live in, as she was a guardian of sorts to you.
You are in an unhealthy and dangerous relationship. Get out of there right away. No good will come of this.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (9 August 2008):
 Are you happy being with her? Is it OK? It's a big age gap. A really big age gap. The thing is, you're at a totally different point in your life to her. I wonder whether you should have just kept it as a 'fling' and not be moving in together, etc, although obviously it's gone that far now and it's going to happen.
To be honest, if your family knows you're moving in with her, won't they be thinking something already? Or do they think you're moving in in the 'son' capacity?? You either come clean - and shock everyone - and take on the chin the rejection you'll probably get from some quarters, or you just live together and don't say anything. It will come out at some point, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, as it's not certain how long it will all last, is it? Not meaning to undermine it, but I think it's too great an age gap and things will be good for a while, and then change ... so why tell everyone?
I am almost 39, by the way, so I can imagine it all. It's going to be hard on your step mom when / if it ends. Be kind ...
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A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (9 August 2008):
well you have to be prepared for the fact that your dad is going to be very hurt and angry. wat you did is very unfair to him and he is going to be deeply embarrassed and hurt. did she divorce him because of you? this is the thought that is going to ruin him. to be honest i really dont know how you could do something like that to your father. he will feel betrayed. your family probably wont be jumping for joy either, and you cant expect this woman to be welcomed as your girlfriend.
my advice is to just come clean and deal with the consequences, you made the decision to be with her, and you are going to have to see it through, even if it means dealing with the results.
you also have to deal with the fact that in order to be with this woman you may lose your family. you have to ask yourself wat kind of person she is if she is willing to break up a family like this. and if things dont work out in the long run wat are you going to do? she is alot older and may realise that she needs a more mature person to be with.
also the fact that she has been in bed with your dad should not do much for your confidence.
its up to you, but know that certain parts of your life may crumble if you stay with this woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): For me, the thought that a woman could be mentally comparing my performance in the sack with either my father or my son would be enough to ensure I gave her a very wide berth indeed.
I'd seriously suggest you consider doing the same, otherwise I think you'll find a massive can of worms will be opened pretty soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): we cant help who we fall in love with.. you are still very young and its a big commitment to take moving in with someone and who has had more life experience than you. you may need to deal with your family sooner than you think and you need to be prepared for their reactions, you have to think about if they couldnt accept it could you live without having thier support and would your 'partners' support be enough? what happens if things go wrong down the line and you have burned your bridges. you have alot of time ahead of you and you should go slowly and into this with a realistic view,.are you ale to support yourself and your partner and vice versa? i think you may need to wait until your dads divorce has been finalised to vkeep things as simple as possible..
i hope you find some peace soon. good luck and at the end of the day you are the only one who can truly no what is best!
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