A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so about 3 years ago I moved from my hometown. It was the start of my eighth grade year. New friends, new achievements, and a new life. I had just lost my grandfather and my life was shattering right beforemy eyes. When I moved I was scared that I wouldn't be happy and my life would just get worse. After a few months in a new school, I realized that I couldn't have been more wrong. I had been given a blessing when I moved. I developed beautiful friendships and began so involved in school. Other than that, I started becoming infatuated with my science teacher. I was fourteen an he was like twenty seven. After a few months, he began to flirt with me. He always looked at me from head to toe, complimenting my outfits. I was flattered and my friends even began to notice and would tellme how much he would stare at me. I started falling n love with him and when I left to go to high school, I started to miss him so much. I grew depressed at a cerain point becaus I missed waking up, seeing his face second period.This sounds cheezy but it was the first time I fell in love.I went to this stupid sicick ( i dont know how to spell it haha) party. The lay told me that I had someone in mind and she told me I'd have a true loe in december that year. Soon enough, December first that year (freshman yr) I saw my former science teacher. After seeing him in my dreams and thinking about him day and night, missing him..my heart kindled and my face felt red. I was shocked and saw him at a school get together. When I saw him and he started to talk to me, my heart started to beat so fast and I lost control.He def. sensed I was nervous. I was so happy but nervous. I was never blessed with great boy talk or flirting. Plus, hes thirteen yrs older than me, how do I approach him. I LOVED him.. how embarrassing? and what if he didnt feel the same.A couple months after that I saw him again at a funeral. My former principal had passed away from cancer and it was the weirdest thing. When everyone was praying in the church, I looked to the other side of the church. There he was, my former science teacher. We met eyeto eye when no one else saw. We were rapt into eachother until i broke the gaze. I feel like fate kept bringing us together. Eveb though we had never spoken in that way about eachother and how we felt. I mean how could I say that to him? how could I expect him to say that to me? Sophmore year was a drag, no sight of him as much as I prayed to see him.This year, my junior year, I have seen him two times but within those brief two times, he hasn't spoke to me nor given me eye contact. I wondered if hewas embarrassed becase the last time we sae eachother he probably felt intimidated by me. I get nervous around guys and tend t not givetoo much conversation and attention and pob came off rude in his eyes or like I hated him. But I dont! God, I love him!of course, he'll never know that. I just dont know what to think or do anymore. I realize I'm not alone now after looking at other advice columns and teens falling for their teachers. I just want the same good advice. I can't get through a day without thinking about him. I wanted to write him letters so many times but wasn't brave enough. I love him and I can't tell him. It hurts me because I dont want to put him in an uncomfortable position. He would either not feel the same, go to prison, or lose his job. I'll be eighteen in a year but still. I think deep inside I feel he does love me but I'm not sure. Or he has a huge crush on me but you can never be sure. what do I do? please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys very much! I will admit that hearing certain advice was tough but it was probably something that I needed to hear. Lately after listening to your advice, I have felt peace within myself. I'm feeling happier that now I know what it is exactly I need to do for myself to help me cope. It's a shame that my first love had to hurt so bad but everything happens for a reason. I can't wait to just start over completely in two years when I go off to college. Thank you again you guys! Now all I need is a boyfriend! haha
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I completely agree with DiovanLestat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): well, if you are mature for your age in a couple of years it won't matter. If things do work out with the two of you, just remember to always be yourself around him. Don't change who you are to satisfy him. or you will never be happy. good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): Even though you may think that intellectually and physically your grown up, emotions are a whole different ball game. Emotionally, emotionally you are far away away from adult. You feel you can deal with a relationship with a grown man, but love and relationships are not like the movies, there are all kinds of little things that you only understand through age and experience. I hope you checked some of those links I sent. A couple from young people who had entered adult relationship and found that the costs were very high. A teacher wanting to quit because he's frightened of the student who loves him.
Many male teachers are like the guy in the link. They prefer to be people nearer to their own age. You may be mature for your age, but this guy is nearer to my age. Me and him can laugh about things we remember, we can talk about having the same problems in life, we can complain about our aches and pains, and talk about "things were different in my day".. What happens when he wants to take you out to meet his friends and family? He has a job, he has money, he wants to go places and do things, you are still at school and have no money. You are probably living on only pocket money. Parents pay for young people, and you don't want him to feel that he has to act like your father.
From what you say, he finds you beautiful, and probably very charming. He likes you, but so what?.. Sometimes you can like something but you can't have it. He might be thinking, what a pretty girl, pity she is so young, I wish she was my age, I wonder if she has a sister." Your dreaming about love, he's a grown man, he's probably thinking about sex. But he's an adult, he can go and have sex with somebody legal, and if he falls in love, it will probably be with somebody he can marry.
I know all this is breaking your heart honey, sorry, but you said you were mature. OK, this is how the story goes. It's not about love and wonderfull things at all, sometimes it's about sex and attraction. He may find you pretty, but your still a young teenager and he's an older man. Your experiences and emotions are very different. At the moment a romantic relationship with you would probably hurt and lead to disappointment. You don't really know him, he's a guy at work, doing a job, because he has bills to pay.
What can you do, well many of us adults have suffered rejection and disappointment, that'a what makes us have more control over our emotions. Many aunts and uncles have been through this, they used to feel liked you, they were sad because they liked a special teacher. Many adults have also cried for hours and felt sad like you. Your not alone babes, this is how you get to be an adult and control your emotions. You get up in the mornings, get on with your life, suffer your disappointments, and get up and carry on, but make sure you learn from the experience. Your in pain, your in love, how can you cope? You can cope? By making sure you survive, thrive and grow.
First love, person is teacher. Common, it happens all the time... Assessment: What happens in the majority of cases - nothing, the young person falls out of love because it hurts to know your not loved back. What can you do to ease the pain. Write a journal, put down your feelings of love, write about your teacher and how it feels to be in love. Then you will remember this emotional experience. When you are out of school, have a job, and are overage, well then your an adult in my books, and you can do whatever you want. True love waits, look him up when your older, adult to adult and tell him your taking him out on a date to thank him for help you focus at school...Until then, well babes, seems like you got a job to do. You love teacher and you want him. We make a plan. Get the best education you can, get the best job you can, get hobbies, interests and friends, be nice and kind, make yourself more beautiful than you already are, then track your teacher down. If it's true love, hopefully he will wait for you, most don't though. If he's not interested, when your an adult, well that's his choice, you move.
Maybe, who knows, you could be one of the small minority that actually manage to marry the teacher and do very well. So no more sadness, get your journal, get busy, and come back and tell us how you made out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): How mature you are doesn't matter. I'm 16 and I would say I'm reasonably mature for my age, and similarly, I 'loved' my teacher a lot too.
The reason I've highlighted out the lovED, is that I did feel like I loved her. I probably did at the time. I ticked most boxes when it came to it, however I never really thought about her feelings. And thats what you need to do too. He will be arrested if anything happens. He will be put in prison, and his career will be over.
If I were a teacher, and I know teachers out there who would agree, but they have had a lifelong passion of being a teacher, and they wouldn't give it up over a student who, eventually, will grow up and realize that they aren't attracted to them anymore.
I think you need to start getting over this guy. You hardly see him. He was probably looking at you in the Church because he hasn't seen you for a while. Teachers aren't stupid creatures, in fact they're incredibly smart. They know if a student likes them or not. They have been trained to detect it, and deal with it. Fortunately for you, he doesn't teach you anymore so he can't report you. However, I can guarantee, (and this will hurt) he does not like you.
Just like my teacher didn't.
So before you get too worked up on the situation, start thinking of ways to get over him. My suggestion is to try and find someone else to focus your attention on. Worked for me.
I know you probably won't follow my advice but you can do it now, or be forced to later. One day you will laugh about this.
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A
male
reader, roadman  +, writes (31 December 2008):
 I'm sure we all go through this at some stage,but the trick in these stories is look but don't even think to touch,keep your feelings to yourself,time will pass and you grow out of them,and get on with life!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): Sorry I've just quickly read your post, and I'll give you a very quick answer.. You and your teacher could be exactly the same age. You are at school to learn, pass exams and get a good job. He is at school to teach you learn the things that will help you in the future. A school is not a place for a teacher to pick up a date. You'll be 18 soon, legal... but until you leave school there can be no romantic relationship between you, he will loose his job, he will never be allowed to teach again. There can be no romantic interactions between students and pupils of any age.
Here, read a couple of these posts, and hopefully you'll see, why.. I'll be back to read in detail what you wrote and the advice you have been given to help you by the other aunts on this board. From what I can see the advice remains the same, not until your legal, and not until you are out of school.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-student-is-in-love-with-me-how.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-pupil-that-got-involved-with-a.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-falling-for-your-teacher-is-never-good.html
"I have seen him two times but within those brief two times, he hasn't spoke to me nor given me eye contact." There doesn't seem to be any romance on your teachers side, at the moment seems to me like he's avoiding you because he knows your getting funny ideas.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthx for the advice..it was helpful...everything made a lot of sense..
however what if I am very mature for my age..no one my age seems to be on the same page.??
what if I look at life differently and more mturally than some twenty five year olds?
what if I can handle this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): I see your problem.
never think of it as "cheezy"
Soon or by now your out of school.
ask him maybe to go out for caffee, or to go bowling.
I've seen many shows on falling for the older men, it can be hard, but your in love. dont feel bad even if its a teacher, think of it as a student from your class who was tutoring you.
dont feel nervous, and even if you are, everyone feels nervous, its just a sign of love.
embrace this feeling, and try it out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): I see your problem.
never think of it as "cheezy"
Soon or by now your out of school.
ask him maybe to go out for caffee, or to go bowling.
I've seen many shows on falling for the older men, it can be hard, but your in love. dont feel bad even if its a teacher, think of it as a student from your class who was tutoring you.
dont feel nervous, and even if you are, everyone feels nervous, its just a sign of love.
embrace this feeling, and try it out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): I'm sure he is attracted to you... but you have to remember this is a man whom is 13 years older than you are. It is possible to date your old teachers... I know, b/c I dated my old High School biology teacher.. after I was in college. (it was not planned) but this man is not going to tell you he likes you because of his job. I suggest you wait until you are of age and in college before you do anything drastic, like telling him you love him. you need to go to college and see what else is out there and after a year, if you don't find someone else... get into contact with him. But really... I think you will find someone else. b/c really you need to mature first.. there is a lot of things in life this man knows and has been through that you have not. trust me! dating a man whom is 10-13 years older than you are is a challenge. I've dated several. they don't think the same as a young man your own age. life is more important to them and they want more out of life than a young man does. Are you ready for that? to have your own family? being successful? are you ready to skip your generation to be with a man that is 13 years older than you? If you think it's difficult talking to a man now, think about what you would say to him if you were alone, in a house or room? What would you say? you need to think about that! It's not easy opening yourself up to talk to a mature MAN! You always feel stupid and very young! like nothing you think about accounts/adds up to anything he thinks about. Try and find someone your own age... if not, wait until you are of age and out of High School. don't get this man in trouble! Good Luck.
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