A
female
age
36-40,
*ola2010
writes:i am in a very hard siruation.. ive been in a relationship for nearly a year (know him for 20. i love him soooo much and he ses he lovs me two.wer always on the fone he is like by best frend.. however there is no future as there amre many complications.. i have known this other guy for 3 years but dont know him very well... i did like him a lot a first but then forgot about him wen my bf came along... recently this guy has been making a massive effort with me and wants to take me out on a date... there is a future with this guy and he is everything that i have ever wanted... but i dont know what to do.. am in love with my bf with no future pleaseee help :'( Reply to this Question
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male
reader, paul739 +, writes (26 May 2010):
ok well I'm not the best person to seek advice from to be honest because I haven't any experience with different culture relationships, but what I would say is that it is YOUR life and you have to be happy so don't throw away something you have with someone you love just because of your parents. You have been close with this guy for a long time so I think you would know by now if your parents were majorly unhappy.
You have been dating for some time and you haven't had to adapt his culture so far and I think it would be unreasonable for you to have to lose your own culture anyway because that makes you who you are? I wouldn't worry about people not in employment as that is a short term issue.
I think it is a bit much of your parents to say they want you to settle down. You can't settle down until YOU are ready and until you find the right person.
Do you have to settle down right at this moment? If you love your boyfriend why not just carry on as you are and review the situation in 6 months or a year.
Ask yourself do YOU think you could love this new guy or is it just a way out to keep your family happy? Put yourself first. That may sound selfish but this is YOUR life and you have to be sure you are with someone who makes you happy.
A
female
reader, lola2010 +, writes (24 May 2010):
lola2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks paul739 :)
the reason why i say there is no future with my current bf is because he is asian and i am europian my parents will find this hard to accept unfortunatelly.. however they make come to terms with it .. and i think it will be the same with his parents and if they do accept me it will mean i have to adapt to their culture, i dont think they will want to get involved with myne.. and thats something i do not want to loose.. thats one of the major reason..he is not in empluyment aat the moment and again this wiill be hard to accept for my parents.. my parents also want me to settle down now and have told me if i do not find someone they will intreduce me to some guys and see how it goes.. my current bf says he is not ready to settle down as he is to young...
however the new guy is looking for something serious and wants to settle down.this new guy is my race, and he has a stable job.. something my parents will like..
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A
male
reader, paul739 +, writes (24 May 2010):
Why is there no future with your current boyfriend? And how can you be believeing there is definetely a future with this new guy? You have not even been on one date with him and you are considering ending a relationship with someone who you claim is your best friend and who you love. You say there is no future and I can't argue against that because I don't know the reason why you say that but I would say if you love him and he is your best friend could you not work towards building a future no matter how hard it may seem? Is it worth throwing it away for someone who you barely know (yet think you have a future with him??!) If you end it with your boyfriend you may not only lose the relationship but lose his friendship as well and good friendships are hard to find especially ones that have been built up from an early age.
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