A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A while ago something happened which I never thought would happen to me...I fell in love with my best friend. I spent a while wondering whether I should tell him or not and one day I did. Finding out that he felt the same way was the happiest moment of my life...it was perfect...I thought nothing could go wrong. But as always things sometimes are too good to be true. Before I confessed my feelings he had found out this other girl likes him and he had promised that he wouldn't hurt her. So although he tells me he loves me, he is with her, thinks it's just a fling and will probably end soon anyway. I don't want to tell him what to do and to an extent I understand...but it's getting harder and harder to do so. It hurts to hear her talk about him...it hurts not being able to be with him and my life has kind of come to a halt.It wouldn't be as bad if he didn't love me as well....but knowing that he does...and knowing that without her everything would be perfect...I am so confused right now..I've started questioning whether he really loves me or he's just stringing me along...I am so scared of the latter. But then I also think he would never do that.I just don't know what to do or to think...What is the best way to cope with this? Does he really love me or am I being really naive here? What should I do next?
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female
reader, rena3312 +, writes (6 March 2010):
 This is a tough situation for you. I am surprised that he is still going for this other girl after you told him your feelings. It's time for you to play the game, girl. Since you have told him your feelings and he has feelings for you, it is obvious that his feelings for this other girl are strong than his feeling for you. Absense makes the heart grow fonder. Now it is time for you to play the game. You are not just casual friends anymore. You took your relationship with him to the next level. Now you need to play the game at the next level. You will need to start taking comfort in the fact that he sais he does have feelings for you too. Then, you need to back off and play it very very cool with him. Stop calling him, texting him, when you see him, smile and be sweet, but NOT friendly. Find other friends or busy yourself with other activities. Let him see that you have a different life than just your life comsumed with him. He needs to know that you are hurting here, but don't let him think that you are mad at him. By you backing away from him emotionally and physically, it will make him realize that he will not want to lose you, and he will need to make a desicion. Things may not work out with this other girl, but you need to give yourself some self dignity and pride and play it very cool now because you have already shared how you feel. It is his turn to start making the proper relationship moves. You may lose his friendship because of this....but it is better than going on in your friendship and never taking the chance to tell him how you felt and always wondering "what if". Things are not over....don't be upset....- I recommend that you do some reading at the library about playing hard to get. It will work, and he will freak out because he will not want to lose you. He needs to make a choice between you or her, and really, he should not be with her if he already told you that he likes you too. I recommend the movie - "My Best Friend's Wedding" with Julia Roberts. Go rent it and take comfort. Things will get better.
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