A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with a woman I can't have.I'm married. She just got married.We work together.I don't want to ruin my kid's lives.I have not done anything physical with this woman and in fact we have barely even talked about it. But we both know how each other feels.I know I should just ignore it and push these feelings under the rug - and I've been trying to do that for the past year, but no luck. In fact my feelings for her keep getting stronger.I like to think that someday we will end up together, but that could be 10 years from now. My kids are young and I don't want them to have a mixed marriage. I don't want a divorce. I love my wife, but I love this other too.I am suffering from pain in my stomach. My stomach is tied in a knot a lot of the time. Whenever I am with her I feel better, but then get sad when she leaves. I want to tell her how I feel and get it all out on the table, but why? What would the result be.I made a promise to my wife and I have responsibilities I intend to stick to. This other woman is very pretty, fit, and I love just about everything about her. But, I was with my wife first.What should I do? How should I handle this? How can I stop thinking of this other woman in any none professional ways?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): 'sniffing around some guy'. i actually like the way you express your thoughts. the other bits worry me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): how about setting some boundaries for yourself firstly and then this other woman.is this just a fantasy you have concoted in your head. this woman is recently married. i am assuming no one forced her to marry her hb? so what gives??you think you can be together 10 years from now. are you insane? are you going to rob your wife for the next 10 years? if you want this other married woman so badly then divorce your wife. allow her the freedom to meet another man who will not stray. allow her the opportunity to get on with her life instead of her being stuck with a selfish hb who would wants to trade her in in a few years time. but being the selfish man that you are, you want it all. a dutiful faithful wife and a bit on the sly. you will NEVER release your wife. you will never allow her to meet her true soulmate, allow her the opportunity to have mindblowing sex with another man. no, you will steal her life and you will use her until you have no more need for her. selfish and cowardly and only serving your own interest. instead of investing in this fantasy you have created in your head, invest it in your home, your wife and your INNOCENT kids. if you cannot then do the only decent thing and release your wife.as for the other woman,. she is married for goodness sake. i am sure she is also years younger than you. your lust for her is consuming you so if you want a HR issue with your work colleague then stop messing about with her. allow her to make her new marriage work. this woman will want to have a family one day an an older perv in the owrk place , she can do without. let this woman get on with her life and her man. you either get on with your life with your wife or end it with your wife.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): You cannot betray your wife and children. This other woman has a husband who loves her. This is all a fantasy. Find a way to limit the time you see her, move jobs.
Look at your wife and children and imagine their pain if you told them you were leaving them.
Look at the other womans husband and imagine how hard the punch might be.
Talk to someone...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Hi
Wow, sounds like a real sucker. I respect you for resisting this and trying to get some help instead. Now, were you in love with the lady before she got married? Was she aware of how you felt then? If she was equally in love with you, then I think that you two would have started something by now, so really, I think that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
Now, you are around fortyish, right? could this be the mid-life crisis? And maybe you want more out of your life now? Consult someone, like a counsellor to see if this is the case. Trust me, it is quite normal.
And, well you say you talk to this lady a lot? Do you share things with your wife too? DO you guys communicate etc? Perhaps over the years and through all the responsibilities, you guys simply lost touch and the romance got lost? You should try to take her out and romance her like you used to, you know.
Like you say, you have a family together and your marriage deserves a shot. Try to recreate a romance, who knows, you might be very happily surprised by what turns up!
Try it out, and really, I hope that this turns out to have a happy ending.
Best of Luck
...............................
|
