A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm very young and am having a baby with my boyfriend (who is the same age as me).As anyone expects, his parents have reacted badly. But now it has come to an extreme. First his parents book him anger management behind his back, then they took away most of his privacy, and now they want us to split up. And of course I am saying "NO WAY!" His mum who is a VERY spiteful woman (and unfortunately is Japanese) has gotten a lawyer (which everyone thinks is a waste of money) and is seeking legal advice. So to make sure that she can't do anything and also to help my boyfriend out i gave a few numbers for him to ring. His parents found out that he rung those number and they are very angry. Now don't you agree that he has just as much right as they do to seek legal advice. Anyway the point is, is that I am now 4 months pregnant and we both want it a lot. But the problem is, is that not only do his parents disapprove and want us to split up, but his mum also wants to take the baby from me by adopting it and never letting me see it again. She has even rung the DOCs (they called my mum and found no problems). so i guess what I'm really asking is, if anyone out there may have some kind of advice for the legal side of this situation and some emotional advice?I'm not looking for "forget it" answers, I'm really looking for a way to solve this or at least cool the conflict. My boyfriend and i have already decided to keep our baby and my parents are supportive (just to clear it up a bit). I live in Australia.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 I'm affraid that you dont have any right's, and neither does your boyfriend, as obviously you are still children yourselves.
All I can say is that if my son had come home and told me he was going to be a father at 14 years old, I would have been devastated, so I can totally understand his parents feelings. Although I dont see how they could take the baby away from you, without permission.
I wonder! Do you really understand what you are letting yourself in for?. And I also wonder, when you say your parents are supportive, do you mean they approve of your situation or they just except it and cant be bothered to argue about it?.
I really hate to say this, but you are in for a very hard time because you seem to think that having a baby is going to be easy.
My daughter is married and 28 years old, her first baby was due last thursday. She is totally terrified that she wont be able to cope or be a good mummy. And yet you seem so confidant that its all so easy.
Well!!! I wish you luck darling because you will need it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): He is 14 years old. He is under his parents authority, he belongs to them not you. You are 14 should be under your parents authority, you belong to your parents...
You are both too young to be able to demand rights. Because he has behaved very badly and got you pregnant, his parents no longer trust him and have now taken over his life. Why should he get privacy, he had privacy and he went behind their backs and had underage and unprotected sex. He has shown himself as immature. Unless your family want to put him up and take total responsibility for him there is little that you can do.
If you wanted to protect your boyfriend, and you knew he had strict parents, you should never have agreed to have underage, unprotected sex with him, so the fault is partly yours. His parents are holding you to blame as well, because you are pregnant, his life is now spoiled, because he will forever have to look after you and your child.
From what I can understand about Japanese culture it seems that education is very important and at 14 years old he should have been studying books, rather than playing around having sex games with you. Your parents are supportive, but I see no mention of any type of punishment. His family are different for them this is a very bad thing to do, and he is being punished for doing something that he knows to be very wrong.
That's the reason why they want the baby. At the moment you are talking like you and him will be together forever and everything will be fine. They don't see it like this, they are not as happy as you. They know there is a high chance that you and him will break up because childhood relationships rarely last, and they become stressful if there is also a child. That's why they want to adopt the baby, or at least make sure to protect his rights as a father.
They are very angry, with you and him, and probably your parents too. And to tell the truth, I don't blame them. You seem to be living in some dream world, where you and him have a baby and everything is just right. Well it probably will be, your parents are supportive and will probably do everything, whilst you pretend to be a mother, and continue with your life.
His parents don't agree that life should be like this. He is now a father, and yet he is a child. They are taking over big time, he has to grow up fast. There will be no more fun and games. It's more important than ever for him to get a good education and do well at school, because he needs to earn good money to provide.
You think everything will be alright, you and him have decided to keep it.. sorry, but do you and him work, where will you get the money to pay for this child. Babies are very expensive. You and him are parents, but you have no money, so whose child will it really be, yours or the person who provides money and puts food in it's belly and clothes on it's back... Sorry honey, but you are in for a very big shock once the baby is here.
What can you do to make things better... GROW UP... you are now becoming a mother, you had unprotected sex and you are now pregnant. This is the real world, you wanted to be an adult, well adults take responsibility and make hard choices all the time. Prepare for your baby, study hard whilst your pregnant so you can also get a good job. Tell his parents what plans you have made for your baby, and ask for their advice. Get some baby books and read them all and find out how to be a good mum.. Maybe if they see you planning and taking responsibility for your future and your actions then they will start to relax, but at the moment, you seem like a girl who will (in their eyes) drag their son down. Start acting more like an adult and a parent to be and you might start to earn their respect...
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A
female
reader, hello kitty +, writes (1 September 2008):
girl, stand up and take your baby. his mum cant take the baby from you its your baby. she has no right to it. it yours in your stomic. so stand upi and tell her if she want a baby she need have herself some sex and get herself her OWN frikin baby and as for you bf. make a plan and if he is willing to live with you ask you mohter and dad if he can move in. or tell him to get a job or get a loan then you can rent a flat. dont let some one get in the way of your happiness. there will alway be spitful peolple the best thing is to know how to handle them and stay out of there way and they will rot in hell
DD xoxoxoxoxo good luck girl
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 September 2008):
Well having your 14 year old son come home and tell you he is going to be a dad is hardly what a parent dreams of. It's no wonder they've taken away his privacy, he abused it by having unprotected sex with girls when he had it. As for anger management, unless he's angry, a psychologist won't treat him so there is no problem there.
I think you just need to back off and stop antagonising his mother. Leave her alone for a while to calm down. You are hardly making life any easier and you are going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life.
Legally she can do what she wants but unless you are an unfit mother then they can't take your baby away. Ignore her for a while and just work on being pregnant and figuring out how you are going to raise a child when you are a child yourself.
As for your boyfriend, he's just going to have to ride this out. He's disappointed his parents big time and will have to work hard to get their forgiveness. If he can't see you for a while then you will just have to wait. He has to see the baby though so keep informing him of scans and everything else and then see what happens.
Worst case scenario, you have to wait for a couple of years to be together. You can do that - you are going to be linked for the next 20 years at least by this child so it should be fine.
Good Luck!! xx
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