| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Well, I have a sad situation. My husband, does not desire any sex. I don't know why. He suddenly lost his erection once, and than next time he couldn't get it up at all.He went to doctors, but they didn't find anything wrong. Now, he never wants me. And I feel sexually deprived.I look very sexy, I think, I did put on weight but look very feminine/ Other man looks at me a lot/.I masturbate a lot,as I feel very horny.I'm terrified,as I don't want to leave, it's really horrible ,because he is not bad to me ,or anything.What should I do? Should I just keep masturbating? i never did this before. Maybe this situation will force me to leave. It is so bad to have a man beside you, who won't touch your body.It has been like this for a few years now. He says its not me. But I don't know how to believe him. Is it ok to stay in a sexless marriage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): BABY DUCK!
I think,you really understand my situation. I think ,you are probably just finishing, what I just started.
i was always very concederate and caring mother.I would do anything to save this marriage.
But ,when you start thinking ,suicide,or divorce,than divorce is the answer.
It is so painful. He says ,when ask him about his feelings toward me," Do you love me at all? And he says...Yes...with one word...
But ,never touching, hugging complementing, innitiating,or just looking nice...
So obviously it is not true. And I guess, he needs a new woman before ,he says, No ,I don't..
I feel, now or never, my energy is running out. I feel ,if I leave now, maybe at list I don't have to be dumped,and destroyed even more.
What kind of love is that ,what you can't feel? What do you think? thanks for your support.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Embarrassment is a powerful emotion. He's been embarrassed. He is probably mortified, and doesn't want to share these feelings with you. Talk to him gently. I sugest perform oral sex on him, and get his confidence up again, no pun intended... Also, you may want to tlak to a therapist about how to handle it. You deserve to be satisifed. You're in your prime. I hope you can work it out. Also, long term marriages have challenges - boredom, resentment, lack of fire... but, rekindling an old relationship can be fun, too. I'd plan a weekend getaway: good dinner, wine, a comedy club, perhaps. Reconnect as a couple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Thanks again!
The problem is ,he thinks,he is the victim, because,he can't get an erection, yet, he himself does not know why.
He went to so many doctors,and they all suggested, it is a psychological issue, but he is still looking for a medical reason, as he won't take the dealing with the real issue.
He is not ready to face this internal issue.
I'm way too drained from this issue, just like him.
How a man, who wanted so much sex before, can turn to be a dead man?
He was still horny a few days before his problem started, the thing is for an extra information here.
That his problem started suddenly , maybe a week after we had the biggest argument in our life.
We were fighting front o somebody else, what wenever did before.
And the woman who is our friend asked
''Why did you love her at the begining?
And he answered,,
''I never loved her, I just stuck with her""
He never ever said this before.. But a week later he went limp in the midle of the intercourse, and since than he stayed like that.
So it would be logical to think, it was from this argument ,where he told what he really feels, but he says no way, so it leaves me in the dark.
It is very strange, how long something like this can stay under cover?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Yes, i odn't know what to think.
Thanks for your help. I wish ,if I could just leave tomorrow, but divorce is such a draining thing, and I'm just not having the energy for it.
I don't think he will change ,because he didn't change so far.
I told him ,I will leave, but he really thinks, I will never act on this.
I think, I really don't have more things to offer.
Very sad, I never thought ,I will have to deal with such a painfull issue.
Also ,what am I going to say to my kids?
The truth? That we can't have sex? kinda lame..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Yes, i odn't know what to think.
Thanks for your help. I wish ,if I could just leave tomorrow, but divorce is such a draining thing, and I'm just not having the energy for it.
I don't think he will change ,because he didn't change so far.
I told him ,I will leave, but he really thinks, I will never act on this.
I think, I really don't have more things to offer.
Very sad, I never thought ,I will have to deal with such a painfull issue.
Also ,what am I going to say to my kids?
The truth? That we can't have sex? kinda lame..
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A
female
reader, kayliv  +, writes (5 May 2009):
 im sorry but thats just a males aswer to everything, put out or get out. its a marriage u should try ans solve problems together, and if he feels he's losing you or u resent him its gonna make him worse. just be patient and work together thats what marriages are about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Just put your foot down and tell that he can fill your needs or you'll find somebody else that will. It's really just that simple.
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A
female
reader, kayliv +, writes (5 May 2009):
i think whats going on is he's afraid to try sex again just incase this happens again, put yourself in his shoes for a second and imagine not being able to get an erection to satisfy his wife he must feel very be littled. i no its frustrating for you but i think you should sit down and talk to him properly about this you might be suprised by what he says. your his wife he is still going to find you sexually attractive and all his worries are probably mental. take things slow after you talk to him, try lots of foreplay, oral, licking teasing, and if he gets an erection game on, but if he doesnt dont be put off just have patience and be there for him. goodluck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): I go through this too. I used to be very consumed by it. Then one day I decided my obsession over his no affection and no sex preference is done, because it was wasting my energy thinking about it.
So, I decided to masturbate when I need to.
Then, I decided if he can't love me that way, his money can. So, I do what I want when I want to in order to take care of myself. I buy what I want, do what I want with friends and traveling. I decided also that if I lose him as a result of me making my own life to be happy, then that's fine.
So BabyDuck is right on when it is said: "Create your peace..." Nice one Baby Duck.
So in choosing to stay with him, those words are exactly what does the next best thing.
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