A
female
age
30-35,
*ellys
writes:Please help me--I am in a 1 year 7 month secret relationship with a 31 year old man. We love each other to bits. Can he get in trouble with the police if my parents go to the police? And we both want to try for a baby--can he get in trouble for that too? Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): It's difficult to know how to advise you on this issue without knowing both of you. 16 is old enough PHYSICALLY to have a child, and many third world mothers are indeed younger than this. But they generally have the entire family's COMPLETE support right from the start, which you will not.
You and your guy could be ready for a child together but you may just as easily be heading for trouble. The most important thing to consider here is your EMOTIONAL capacity to be a mother at 16 and his capacity to be a father at all. Parenting sounds easy but it is a very complex and exhausting job. While there are plenty of places you can go to for help, it can be very lonely, depressing and horrible if things go wrong.
Having a loving relationship with a man doesn't automatically mean that you're ready for a child - if neither of you have the necessary skills to tackle life's problems, no amount of love is going to help. You both need sufficient school education, life skills and an understanding of household economics to succeed. It is also not enough for your boyfriend to have these skills - you must have them too.
A simple test to see if you're ready is this: imagine your boyfriend left you once the child is born. Do you have the skills to raise that child on your own? If there is any doubt in your mind, ANY doubt at all, then you are not ready to be a mother.
A
female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Well, you have to be 16 and over to have sex, so on that face, the law cant touch you at all. Although, you having a child, it IS your decision, but like DV1 said, your still a child yourself, your not classed as an adult until you are 18. Having a baby, its hard work and you have to be extremely mature and responsible, im not saying your not mature or responsible, im just saying that you should be prepared. Good luck, and i hope you for the best. xxx
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A
female
reader, Having Problems??? +, writes (24 June 2007):
hey in the uk its not illegal so long as your 16 and both party's consent to it instead you might want to think about why he wants 2 keep it a secret not to sound cruel or jujmental but you could be dating a pedofile for all you know or some perve who has a fettish for young teens im 17 myself and i would never go with a guy more than 5 years older than me sorry but u gotta stop and think about this u could be making a huge mistake
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Your age appears to be 16/17.
DV1 should look into UK law before hitting reply so hastily. It is better not to reply than reply inaccurately.
The age of consent here is 16, so you are doing nothing wrong in law, and the law can do nothing to stop you.... whether you are doing the nasty, having babies or whatever else.
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A
female
reader, AbbyTomko +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Not if you are over 16 no all the best xx
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Yes, he can. You're still a child, and he can be caught on rape charges, not to mention a child shouldn't be having a child.
DV1
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 I don't know what the age of consent is in Britain, but I'm afraid that he's doing something illegal. Where I live, in Latin America, sex with someone younger than 18 is statutory rape. So, yes, he may be in legal trouble.
Now, my dear, I think that he should be more worried about moral trouble. Maybe he's taking advantage of an underage girl? He's 14 years your senior, and an adult. He should know better than asking a 17 year old to have a baby. This is no time for you to become pregnant and raise a child. In my opinion, you should put off having a baby until you're something like 27. You don't know the world yet, and he knows this.
I'm afraid that he may be keeping the relationship secret for a reason other than legal trouble. Perhaps he has someone else? Perhaps he doesn't want others to know about you?
I would be very careful if I were you.
Good luck.
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