A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Confused about my sexuality (possibly) question. I've been in one relationship with a female best friend of mine, in total secret, for 1/2 a year. this 'secret' relationship halted when she ended things with me saying that 'it wasn't for her anymore and that she had to move on'. this was followed by another year's confusing messages from her as she kept 'coming back' to me for emotional and intimate comfort for about another year or so. needless to say fights were interspersed amongst this so called 'friendship' period(s), with her only coming to me for intense bouts of 'friendship' whenever she was having problems with her 'current' boyfriend(s). somehow, as soon as she got back into good terms with her current partner then, we got into fights and wouldn't speak to each other for a period of time (months - most of a year), or until they had another fight. its now been a few years since our 'relationship' which was actually initiated by her and ended by her (hence my confusion), coupled with secrecy. NO ONE knows about any of this. my perception is that she doesnt or never did ever care about whatever we did have, and that all this torment has been playing on my mind and mine alone for the past few years. I care about her so much (partly because of the feelings I still have for her, but mainly cos that she's just such a bloody good friend of mine[whether this is reciprocated i don't know])I have NEVER spoken (told) anyone about this with the frankness I have done so here. But thank goodness 'dearcupid' is anonymous. As those of you who have been in love before might appreciate how tormenting it is when you find out the person you've given your heart and soul to has trampled all over it, but add on the fact that you can't TALK about it AT ALL - that you have to bottle it all up and pretend to all your friends that you are 'just fine', eventhough youre secretly dying inside. I apologize for the length of this message. I am now back into a period of 'friendship' -_- with her. I'd just like to know what your views are on whether or not I should ever tell her how I feel? or should I just keep it to myself and carry on hoping we'll be friends for a long time coming? As they say, is it really better 'To have loved, than to never have loved at all?'Thanks. and Hope you all have a good evening :)
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (15 March 2008):
 yeh you were a usefull diversion when the going got rough with her man and she probably strings everyone along. manipulative
i would end this while its on your terms to give her a bad taste of her own medicine and be free from the torment she carelessly and thoughtlessly caused you while bouncing from one drama (and bed) to another. you need to get out as she couldn't care less and her actions speak volumes. bit of a tumoreous user if you ask me. dont cherish the crap, leave her with nothing while you scrape what little dignity you can from this situation and press on towards a brighter more self honest and empowered future. this was not love (its no good loving if your loosing as it doesn't come back your way) simply a charade to confuse you and you can see the light...
drop her like a hot potato on the kitchen floor while you nibble some pink lettuce on the alfresco patio (i.e.out)
but you live and you learn eh!
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