A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the last 4 months I have been in a relationship however in the last 2months my girlfriend (And best friend) has been "Off" with me, certain things have been buging me, for example she says things like "I hate love" and "I don't trust anyone" on top of this she has been very hard to talk to, I have confronted her meny times but I never get a reply. She says she loves me everyday in fact, however Im unsure if she means it now. can anyone give me some advice on this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): To me it sounds like she is just looking for reassurance and attention. It's kind of a manipulative (and immature) way of looking for attention but that's how she is, I guess.
It's like the same when someone says "I am so ugly." He or she is just looking for someone to be like "No you're not. You're gorgeous."
Or if you tell someone "You are so pretty." And they're like "No I am not. Nobody likes me." And then they are expecting you to reassure them that alot of people think she is pretty and everybody loves her. It's a little game and its very tiring to deal with.
I used to do that when I was younger. I used to say stuff like that to my mom, looking for attention, and she would just agree with me. If I said "I'm ugly," she would just shrug her shoulders as if she agreed with me. Her not playing along to my neediness is what got me to stop doing that. When you stop giving in to their neediness and just ignore the immature little game, they'll stop doing it. Guaranteed. Cause they will realise that is the wrong way to get attention.
A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 If she said that she hates love and that she doesn't trust anyone then why is she with you?
Its clear that she's making a point. If she tells you she loves you yet she doesn't trust anyone then apparently she doesn't trust you, and iwthout trust in a relationship there is no love. Alos how can she ask you to trust her when she doesn't trust you. Remove the log from thine own eye to see the spec in thy brothers eye.
that means she needs to see her faults and fix them before she blames and tries to fix other peoples prblems.
Just let her know that you care and that your not going to hurt her. If she doesn't believe you, then there is really no point in the relationship is there?
~Hope This Helps~
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): @phiatiger
I don't really know,she won't open up to me.
she's been hurt before and I think she recons I am gunna hurt her aswell, even when I promised her I would never hurt her. I tell her everything, I just wish she would show me some love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Have you got anything she needs to know? I mean these comments sound like insecurities to me, like she is hoping they will get you to confess something and confirm her thoughts. If there are no secrets then next time she comments simply ask why she says those things when you Love and trust her(if this is the case of course).
Also springing to mind is that there is something she may have to confess to you and that is what is making her insecure.
Both of these things can be solved by talking as adults about exactly what is going on in the relationship.
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