A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a new relationship with a guy I met online. He moved from Paris to Canada about 2 weeks before we met (we met online). Anyways, it's been going great, he's respectful, caring, romantic. But the other day, we were together and he was playing on his laptop and I couldn't help but notice a girl take a topless selfie. At first I didn't think much of it just thinking it was some random internet picture. But I recognized the room and girl, it was one of his friends. I didn't tell him I knew. So when I asked him who it was he told me it was some random girl he met in Paris. He said he didn't have her facebook, he didn't text her and he didn't want to talk to her. He just kept saying he wants to be with me. But I know he talks to her everyday because I always see him messaging her and she likes every one of his pictures on facebook. So why did he lie? Then when I confronted him and told him I know he lied to me, he said he did it to protect me because he knew that I knew the girls he talked to. He said he's not trying to hide another girl from me. And I know this girl is in Paris , but really, why lie? He said he forgot about the photo but he saw it at the same time I did and just blocked my view when he noticed it. I started to feel like I was overreacting, because this did happen before we met, but I'm not comfortable with the fact they still talk after she sent him nudes only one month prior and the fact he lied to me about her. Do you think he's hiding something? Am I overreacting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): Have you considered that she is still his girlfriend and their regular chats are part of their long distance relationship. That she has no idea you even exist?
A
female
reader, Cosette +, writes (3 January 2015):
Lmao @notsohappy, you're right. But I told him I'm taking a break from him. The picture was sent a month before I met him but he lied about it after. Before I act like a total b**** I want to make sure I'm not being the crazy jealous girlfriend lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): Yeah he is hiding something. Obviously these two dated. Maybe they "broke up" because he was moving abroad. Or at least agreed they would date other people. Obviously they still have feelings for one another as they are in touch everyday. And likely so because they plan to get back together at some point. It sounds to me like that was his girlfriend before he took off to Canada. And then tells you she is just a "friend." I've known a lot of guys who refer to their exes as "friends" in the presence of their new flame. And it is usually to throw you off and to justify his communication with her and whatever else goes on. He's not stupid. He knows if he came right out and told you who she really is, you'd take issue with that and the jig would be up. But this way, he can have his cake and eat it too.
Should you be mad? That's pretty subjective. Though, I know I would be.
Should you brush it under the rug? I wouldn't. It's pretty lame. You deserve better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): Nowadays guys seem to think it's okay to have a girl on your arm, and one "behind the screens." Using devices is just a conduit to real-sex! Sexting or cyber-sex is still cheating!
The alternative to video porn, is interactive live-cam video with strangers and/or friends with benefits. There are ladies who don't mind sharing guys who have girlfriends. It makes them feel super-hot being a home-wrecker. Until it happens to them!
What goes around, comes around! The karma is a bitch! "Literally!!!"
He's in a new relationship, and in his transition from single to boyfriend; he's got to give-up some old habits.
Friends who send you naked pics or pics of their body-parts, aren't just friends. They are f*ck-buddies and friends with benefits. They are not allowed to be had if you're in a committed-relationship. They have to be cut-loose. If your partner won't give up his/her FWB, you are in a committed three-way relationship. Some folks try to have poly-amorous relationships on the sly, and tell you you're their "number one." Jokes on you! You don't want to be a part of some guy's sleazy harem. He needs a live-in to split the bills, do the housework, cook, and give sex on demand. While all the other girls "stroke" his "ego."
When you're catching people in lies about other people with whom they are actively having sexual-interaction, even if only by phone, you have to reconsider maintaining a relationship with them. When he goes back to Paris to see his family, who else do you think he'll visit?
If you discover first-hand a guy won't be honest about what he's doing and why, he doesn't deserve your trust. He has lied from the very beginning, that's a red-flag. If you catch a man in lies about cheating, they are habitual-cheaters. They'll do it again and again. They don't fear the consequences. Your trust is already damaged; but your heart is stubborn. You will want to give him yet another chance. You've already attached and invested your feelings.
Somewhere down the road, after his eighth "second-chance," you'll get your heart broken. It already has a crack in it.
You're going to do what so many women do. Sweep it under the rug. Snoop around on his phone, tablet, or laptop. Find things, confront him. He'll lie about it. Sweet-talk you. Then he'll find a better way to hide it, and you'll be suspicious all the same. You'll fight a lot, and there will be a repetitive cycle of breakups and reconciliations. You'll develop trust-issues, you'll be a paranoid mess, become a full-fledged drama queen, and he'll get tired of you and dump you. Leaving you a damaged-mess for some other poor undeserving guy to come along and deal with. Let me put that another way. Some undeserving guy to suffer through!
Some insecurities we have are due to things that happen to us beyond our control. Outside influences.
Some insecurities people create and cultivate within themselves from their own mistakes. Forcing other people in their lives to have to tip-toe and walk on eggshells around them. Not me!
I don't care how hot he is, how big and long his man-parts are, or how sweet he is to you. You've caught him in lies. Dump him!
Easier said then done. I know. If you can't trust him, then what's the point?
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A
female
reader, Cosette +, writes (2 January 2015):
I guess I forgot a word. I didn't see a girl taking a topless selfie, I seen a picture of a girls topless selfie on his laptop lol
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A
female
reader, Cosette +, writes (2 January 2015):
Well he showed me the album and it says he saved it in mid October 2014 and I met him the first week of December 2014. He hooked up his phone to the laptop and it showed his phone files so that's how I know it was on his phone But when he saw it, he casually tried to block my view by moving in front of the screen.
I just don't get why he tried to pass off this girl as someone named sofia when I know for a fact it was his friend. And then lied saying he doesn't talk to her anymore when I see him constantly texting her. He even told me he didn't talk to her at all yesterday but The image he sent me shows that he did talk to her yesterday. I wasn't concerned with her or his other girl friends at first but his lying and constant texting to her and him keeping the photo suggests he's attracted to her still and still likes her. Especially considering how often they send photos on snapchat, when he barely sends me anything. I told him, I'm not putting up with his lying though and I'm taking a break from him.
Thank you for your answer, it's definitely helpful to get a second opinion :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 January 2015):
 Why did he lie? Well, come on, you're not dumb. He lied because he know he was doing something bad... When people are caught red handed, they have a tendency to want to lie and get away with it, rather than be truthful and facing the consequences.
He's a cheater. Doesn't matter if he's not having sex with her in real life. She's on his lappy getting undressed, and he is there watching it all too happily. He talks to her about who knows what, and my guess is: he doesn't admit to knowing her because he knows their conversations aren't platonic. My guess: they are flirting/cybering.
He SAYS he wants to be with you, but his actions tell you: he wants to have both you and who knows how many other girls at the same time.
You're not up for sharing him? Then ditch him. Guys like him, in all honesty, they do not change. The relationship is new and fresh, and even your regular, general cheater waits until things become boring before they trail off to newer grass... This guy is off watching a woman strip her clothes of while you are in the very same room. He lives for this drama and having several women at once... it's his preference. So my advice to you is: you caught him red handed, you KNOW he is full of shit and lies to you, has cheated on you (yes, this is cheating, how can she have sent him a pic before you met, yet YOU SAW THE PIC ON HIS SCREEN...so obviously this pic is NOT from before you and him met), and you have no reason to continue being with him. If you stay, then you lose your right to complain about him cheating on you, because staying while KNOWING he does this, means you accept it.
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