A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I was involved with a guy for about a year. It didn't work out because he couldn't commit to me and last week I found out he'd actually been in love with someone else when he met me.I made the decision last week to cut contact with him. It's only been 8 days but I've generally started feeling a lot happier without him in my life. However, this morning for some reason I woke up feeling absolutely dreadful. I really miss him. I haven't seen him for over a month and I miss his body and his voice and the way he made me laugh. We had such a good time together and I'm so sad that it's over and that he has been so happy to drop me.. It's like physical pain. I know I mustn't get in touch with him and I won't, but do you have any advice about how to feel better right now? Thanks I advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): I meant to say:
"You're going through dopamine withdrawal; and that makes you only look back on the good times."
Sorry for the typo!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): Well, it hasn't really been that long. You're going the dopamine withdrawal; and that makes you only look back on the good times. I'm sorry to say, but your relationship wasn't a very long one to start with.
The fact is wasn't so long works in your favor. It also shortens the recovery time. You're supposed to feel awful. It's a loss, and you're feeling grief. It is also a bruise to the ego to be rejected. It would easy to be kicked in the gut than to be dumped by somebody. Trust me, I know the feeling!
Go ahead and mope around a little bit. Let the emotions flow. Call your girlfriends or sister(s) and have a "kick him to the curb" celebration. Even though technically, he was the one that dumped you.
It only means he was meant to be around for a short-time, and someone better for you is making his way to you. Only meanwhile; you've got to get your sh*t together in preparation.
You can't have any leftover baggage when the better dude shows up. It could be awhile. Even another year; but you have time to heal, do some self-improvements, and be selfish. Re-establish your independence; take time-off from serious relationships. Date for fun and companionship. Living for relationships is basically a sign of weakness and dependency.
Don't give me that stuff about biological clocks and all your friends are married. They're just waiting for divorce to happen; and that same clock is counting-down time until they become single and divorced-mothers. Freeze your eggs if you're really that concerned about being a mom. You don't have to be married to be one. Most married-women end-up becoming single-moms eventually, according to statistics.
Do some stuff you've been putting off. Contact your old friends, not exes!!! I mean real friends. The ones you neglected while clinging to the guy who is still in-love with someone else.
Finding your best match is a process of selection and rejection. It takes time and perseverance. Competing with time will only make you desperate, force you to settle for bad choices, and repeat the same mistakes. Being single is not a curse. It is just down-time, me-time, and an opportunity to do the things on your bucket-list. Just when you're happy, single, and content...he shows up and steals your heart. That means things are falling into place and you're better prepared emotionally.
You were already happy, and didn't need a man to supply your happiness. Instead, you can both share what you have to offer between you in equal-amounts. Having something to give in exchange for what you get. Not just because you were in a hurry to wear a wedding gown or push-out babies; but because it was the right time, with the right man.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Of course, you still miss him. A break up doesn't mean your emotions are erased and vanish overnight.
It's normal to feel conflicted.
You know (logically) that it wasn't going to work because HE was not willing to commit and already interested in someone else. Emotionally? you miss the familiarity of having him around in your life.
Keep your chin up, do things you enjoy, spend time with family and friends and WHEN you do get those quiet times where you reminisce and miss him - TELL yourself it wouldn't have worked. that he was WRONG for you. (because he was) and then FORCE yourself to think of other things or call a friend and talk about SOMETHING else (not him).
It will get better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2017): It's always hard at first but deep down you know you made the right decision. You deserve better. Chin up and get some nice things planned in your diary to look forward to and don't look back x
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Fill your life with fun, friends and family. Know that you will get through it. You managed before him and you will afterwards.
Although you may not believe it there is someone better for you. You need to get this out of the way so that your fate can unfold in the best possible way.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 time for your Girl friends, take your mind off him, make an effort to fill the blank spot, join a local help group where you can give others your help can experience, this way you get to feel good helping others have been dealt a different hand than you,
and One day you might find the man of your dreams there helping others when you are ready to move on
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