A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been seeing this married guy for 6years and we were together all the time. we started out the best of friends and then it turned into love on my part, I love this guy so much, everytime I ask him about a permanent relationship he reminds me that he is still married even though his wife has left hiim for the third time, and he say he is finished with her, and I asked him about why haven't he made me permanent, he tells me he loves me, and i am the ideal woman, he made me feel really special , I am hurt and confused because I put alot into this relationship and I don't fully understand if you got someone as good as i have been to him all these years, I always remained faithful to him even though at one point he had a wife at home. He doesn't understand when i tell him that i feel as if i wasted all these years trying to be with someone who never intended on being with me like he said in the beginning. how do i get over this hurt and pain and move on. he gets mad and say i am not going to preseeure him into a relationship so soon after his marriage ended, but the kicker is i have been there acting as his woman for 6 years. please help as my heart is hurting bad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): Sadly this man will NEVER be yours. why? Because he has decided. You cannot blame his wife or any other external source, it is him and him alone. He doesn't value you or respect you. He is content that you are merely his mistress and that you should know your place. You have given him too much of power over your life. You need to decide now. Do you continue as just his mistress, nothing more and nothing less or do you start your life without him? When you decide what YOU want then you need to stick to this decsion. If you decide that you will remin his mistress then you should not complain. If you decide that you are worth something, then work towards having him out of your life. What is so sad here, don't be surprised if he starts another relationship with someone else. He is on the look out for new blood, after 6 years you are now old news. He may want to celebrate his new found single status with a new itch. (He took his wife back 2/3 times(?), shows you that his marriage was NEVER OVER. I wonder if it truly is).
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (28 June 2009):
 I hope that you can see the disconnect between his words and his actions. He tells you he loves you and you're the ideal woman, but he says not to pressure him into a relationship? You've been in a relationship with him for six years!
He will never be the man you want him to be. That was evident by his running around with you behind his wife's back for such a long time, and it's even more evident by his treating you like a dog. Even if you did get together, what makes you think he will not treat your relationship the same way he treated his marriage? He obviously has no problems with cheating on someone for years and years. Think about that.
I'm sorry but you have to leave him. He is no good. If he really thought of you as the ideal woman he would have made you his main woman years ago. He would have left her years ago. He would have committed to you years ago. See my point? At this juncture it is best to cut off all contact (and I mean all, this guy obviously talks a great game, don't take the risk that he will lure you back) and move on with your life. You have already wasted six years. Don't waste a minute more.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, tj1031 +, writes (28 June 2009):
I would think in 6 years he would have figured out who he should be with. If he has not, you should not stay around him anymore. Especially in his case in which his wife was leaving from him several times. Life is short please don't short change yourself. Sounds like he just want to drag on the status quo. I just don't see how he can make you feel special if he cannot even address your concern about your relationship with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): one rule i have is never get involved with a married man as you are asking to get hurt. in any relationship there is a chance a person can get hurt, but with some one who is tied to another you are risking that 99%. dont listen to this guys crap any longer as he is just leading you along and you are and already have wasted your time and could have been with someone for life, leave him once and for all. and even if he did end up with you, could you trust him, after all hes cheated on you with his wife? and how would you like to be in that womans shoes? not very nice thing to do really, mess around with someones man.
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