A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a female who's had self-esteem issues for as long as I can remember. It's only been a couple of years that I am starting to get back myself. But something happened that threatens to push me back. I like wearing short clothes. Nothing cheap or vulgar, just stuff which is knee-length or slightly shorter. But my relatives resent me for it and continuously tell me that it's unacceptable. My mother seems to agree with them. But something happened last week that left me a wreck. I wore something that was slightly ill-fitting and as a result the sleeves sagged enough to offer glimpses of my side cleavage (I was wearing a bra inside, of course). I was however, totally unaware of it, and nobody pointed it out, though my mom had earlier said casually that its sleeves were not tucked well. Anyway, as it happened, my aunt burst out at me before everyone saying, "Why the fuck is your bra showing? Everyone wears a bra, but we don't go around wearing stuff so it keeps popping out!" I was utterly humiliated. I thought of ways to express my anger, but bottled it up. I feel terribly down. I feel like a joke. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2015): You had a wardrobe-malfunction which happens to everyone. Like a guy leaving his fly open, popping a top-button on a blouse, or forgetting to zip your dress all the way to the top! It happens even to your kin, sweetheart! Let this issue slide and fade away, sweetheart! Stuff happens!
You live in India where culture places a lot of emphasis on how women should dress and behave publicly. I will never take a chance in telling you how to defy your culture; but you do have say about your fashion and how people should address you. Your mother is older than you are, and what is appropriate for her is appropriate for her "age." Your culture does not demand you to be a frump. Your culture is modernizing more and more; and ever embracing western fashions, which offers a little more risk-factor or compliments the figure.
If you dress with taste, and even a little personal-flair, no-one really has much to say about it. You're no longer a child, and India is not that backward in fashion. Your family is older and old-fashioned in their opinions. They maintain decency standards; because your behavior and appearance does reflect on your upbringing to some degree. You're a lady with class, and that is the image you really wish to project. It gains the proper respect you deserve and there are those in your culture who will hurt you to enforce old ways.
Full-length doesn't necessarily mean you're classy. That is a matter of behavior and demeanor.
You may want to please the family by incorporating those beautiful colorful Indian scarfs when you're around them. Offer them tradition, just to shut them up. Be yourself when you're on your own time. There is nothing wrong with being bashful, or modest, just keep your own standard of decency in mind. Nothing you've described in your post indicates your taste is bawdy or cheap. Just modern and fashionable.
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (23 October 2015):
Next time, try smiling about it and saying telling her that your's look better, that's why they are showing. LOL sorry, I couldn't control. A lot of people in our country tend to be that way. Don't feel humiliated. No one can make you feel that unless you allow it. You didn't do on purpose and even if you did it's your choice. So just chill. I know how it can be. But a smile on your face and a "so what" is the best way to express how comfortable you really are.
Good luck..!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (23 October 2015):
Why do you feel bad about what happened?????
First of all...No one said anything you, and you did not know your bra was showing.
second... Aunt or not...No one has the right to speak you like that. If your own mother does not talk to you like that, then your Aunt absolutely has no right at all.
Third...It's your bra, your body...And you have full right to wear what your want. I understand that cultures have different rules about how you dress, I get that. But putting someone down rather than kindly explaining to them "Hey, your bra showing." goes a long way in building self-esteem.
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A
female
reader, MyWay +, writes (23 October 2015):
Hi, I can imagine how you must be feeling. To talk about their disliking towards your clothes, I think this happened due to generation gap. The things we find trendy, fashionable and cool, the parents usually don't. This happens in between every 2 adjacent generations.
I think You just give it some time. The intensity of the humiliating feeling will fade.
If the people who listened your aunt's talks are your family, then there is nothing to worry about.
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