A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 16 year old guy. I believe i been heartbroken for the first time and I have dated a lot and had a girl cheat on me before but i have never been this hurt before. Here's the story, I met this girl during cross country i thought she was cute eventually found out she liked me so i went for her but i failed to the point she avoided me, then towards the end of my sophmore year we became friends and good ones at that but i liked her again but had to hold it in, Junior year liked her again but we just kept getting closer and closer, then Senior year we became friends with benefits, then we just kept getting closer so i just had to confess my feelings for her she told me she liked me back then we had a thing going on then all of a sudden she just texted me saying i think we should just be friends i only like u as a friend. This girl sounds like a jerk but shes not, shes just really complicated and does not know what she wants for one she does not have alot of guy friends like only 1-5 at most, shes never had a boyfriend either. I dont know what to do, im really heart broken and shes been avoiding me so its liek so much for our friendship? what do i do, do i still try to get with her again or just try to clear the friendship up even tho it wont be the same.
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crush, friend with benefits, heartbroken, never had a boyfriend, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (1 September 2011):
You are welcome, good luck, it is nice to see you taking the bright side of the difficult parts of relationships, if you can take something from the enjoyable and unejoyable moments, life becomes a much easier place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionomg thanks so much, i dnt mind how you get your ideas or advice but they work and they are amazing i really apperciate it, im jsut going to give her time i guess. im finding out to many stuff from others such as she doesnt even want to be my friend anymore she led me on purpose bla bla but i guess ill give her space till then! THX I APPERICIATE IT!
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (31 August 2011):
You are very kind, but you give me way too much credit, my thoughts come from things I have learned from other people's great ideas on how people and relationships work :)
If she is avoiding you, you just have to give her space. She might make contact again, she might not, but you have to respect her choices too. Many people avoid confronting emotional issues, if she doesn't want to go out with you, she might not have the emotional strength to face rejecting you, she might want to be the good girl rather than have to be brutally honest. She also might not know how to manage the ongoing friendship if there is one, so she is in avoidance mode. She might also be scared of her strong feelings if she has them, whatever those feelings are.
It is good that you know how you feel, and that you are able to communicate it, and willing to face it all. It can be more important in the long run than getting what you want, you won't always get what you want in life, but if you can always manage to be true to yourself and express your feelings, you are winning in life :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are amazing. but she's avoiding me i tried to talk to her and she walked away. she deleted me off her contacts for her phone, so much for being friends? i dnt know any other way to let her know my feelings she wont talk to me pick up my phoen text delted right away. i like her so much. i honestly can say i dnt think being friends with her is enough for what we had done together but to be friends again would ease off pain but i dnt know what to do anymore..
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (30 August 2011):
You are welcome. I would encourage you to speak to her and express your feelings. You might not get everything you want, but you have a better chance of getting what you want if you say something, rather than saying nothing. More importantly, when you speak your feelings to someone, whatever the outcome, you feel much better in yourself that you have spoken your truth, it means you are able to be who you are in the world. This is something that is more important than people realise. If she lets you know she wants to be friends, you can tell her that is fine, but that you want her to know that you like her more than that, and you just want her to know in case she feels differently at another time. If you are happy to be friends in the mean time, you can let her know that too. Sometimes people can take different times to get to the same place. If she says she likes you too, great, if not, let her know your feelings and take your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked a few of my friends for advice and they all say just move on, i wanted more than that i wanted real advice you have given me that and i still have a few questions under this which i will probably post up again but thank you i really really appreciate this. My other questions are it has only been a few days and i want to confront her again Hey name im sry about cindys party, it was a bit weird for both of us mainly for me, i need to grow up a bit, i just wish i knew what to say to u cause i care about u name i want to be there for u i want to make u happy. As well as what if she responds to saying something with the words "Just friends" or anything that gives her a sign to saying i want to be friends, do i leave it at that and just say i tried? or is there a way i can over come it
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (29 August 2011):
She is at an age where she is having a hard time dealing with all of the different feelings she is experiencing. Part of relationships in your teenage years is having experiences where you learn about the different feelings you can have and different kinds of relationships. She is still learning, the same as you are. She might like you, but be scared and not know how to like you and manage her vulnerablity. Or she might love you as a friend but not be in love with you, and be confused about what the difference is. Sometimes people panic and run away even though they want to be close.
Give her time, take your own time to soothe your own broken heart, and let her find the courage to come closer to you. If you chase her, she will run. Let her know you still want to be close to her, as friends or as her boyfriend, but give her the time and space to take a few steps towards you too.
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