A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend who is in the middle of his divorce decided to go away for one week to Europe after finding out I had gone on a date several months after we started dating. At that time, December 08/January 09, he had been acting standoffish, distant and would no longer stay at my house overnight on the weekends. He would always ask me if I'd stay with him if he stayed married or remarried. I told him I could not take either scenario. I suspected he was either returning to his wife and child suspending his divorce or he had met someone else he was seeing. I had been on a dating website then reactivated it because of my insecurity and feeling neglected. I went on one date and met someone else for coffee. There was absolutely no emotion involved on my part. I was trying to protect myself from him. When he found out about this one month ago, we talked a lot and we both committed to healing and understanding one another. He told me he loves me. Initially, he told me had made these plans in anger then decided not to go losing $1200. Then after spending two beautiful healing weekends together, he tells me he's going away. I only found out one week ago he was going to the UK. He gave me a beautiful going away; reassured me he is not leaving me but has to sort through the emotional stuff of his divorce regarding his 3 year old daughter. We texted until his plane took off and he called me twice the first day he arrived. I have not heard from him since although it's only the second day. He let his iphone go dead and claims he doesnt have a converter; yet, I know the phone he uses to communicate with his ex-wife and daughter is charged. I'm heartbroken, confused and dont know what to think or do.
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divorce, ex-wife, heartbroken, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2009):
 I'm sorry you are still hurting. I did understand that he told you he was seperated when you two met. Seperated and divored is not the same. Seperated means STILL married with a LOT of issues going on. So not only is the man highly unlikely to really be emotionally available, but he really isn't available relationship wise either.. You see what I mean?
Til a person is ALL the way divorced and hopefully having had put the past a BIT behind them, most people aren't really ready for any kind of commitments.
I would keep the NO CONTACT in order.
I just don't think he can give you ANYTHING, but heartache.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for responding. To clarify, he was separated when we met and promised me he wasn't going with anyone or meeting anyone. He believed and still does that our relationship is exvlusive. He is coping with the emotion of what the divorce means regarding his daughter. He states he IS getting divorced no question. However, I haven't heard from him since his first day there and I suspect I will not because he always told me he needs solitude now & then. I haven't called nor texted him although I miss him terribly. Any more insights will be appreciated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): this man is married for petes sake. surely this should mean something..........anything to you?
honeypie gets full marks for reading this situation as it is.
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 Hello,
Just add....If I understand correctly, he contacted on the plane and day one also. But now it's only day 2 so that doesn't seem a long time? Am I right? He may be finding his feet at the moment? Please, i'm not making light of your situation but it's only a day. Please, if i misunderstood then i'm sorry. Hannah.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): There is not much you can do about the situation until he returns from his trip.
At that time, you need to sit him down and start asking some serious questions! You don't deserve to be left in the dark like this.
In the meantime, as Baby Duck suggested keep busy, try not to dwell on him. Spend time with good friends!
We can drive ourselves crazy asking why, and never come up with an answer. Life gets complicated. When it gets too crazy, we have to step away and take a rational look at it.
I wish you luck!
Britt
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2009):
I really can't see why he would be ticked off that you went on a date.. THE man is married.
But really, this is the kinda mess you can get into when being with married men. They lie and cheat on their wives you really think it's so far fetched that he would do the same to you?
I don't know what he might be thinking. He could be trying to mend fences with the wife so instead of having the nads to tell you he blows you off, using your "date" as an excuse. It's not like there isn't a phone in the hotel in the UK.......
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