A
female
age
36-40,
*nknown_caller
writes:hi ive a really off the wall problem,ive been in a relationship for quite a while but have ran into alot of problems.frist my boy friend just got a divorce from hes wife.i didnt know he was married when i frist met him,he said he was living with hes friend ron 45 mins from me because hes ex and him were sharing a place and just couldnt be roommates anymore.well i had no reason not to believe him,but come to find out he was on the other side of town hes friend ron went thru a divorce and was staying with him and hes wife.even thow he wanted it over and was getting a new place she wasnt ready to give up i guess but then i still didnt know remember that well she moved out toke everything thinking he would run after her, we had been on dates every friday and sat for a month and just started seeing eachother every day after he would get off work for about an hour but still i thought he was living 45 mins awaythen the weekend after she left he cleaned the house really well got rid of all her stuff!picked me up and said hey we need to talk i need to come clean we went to the park and he sat me down told me he was living down the street and hes ex just moved out and wanted to show me hes place said she was working nights and he was working days so he never slept in the bed with her as he would go out to hes moms on the weekends or spend them with me.well at first i think i was in shock because i really didnt hear what he said.so we drove to hes house where he tried begging me to move in and i said i dont think im ready right now we got something to eat and headed out to hes moms which i already met all hes family oh none of them ever said anything about him being married ever i didnt even know for about 3 months into our relationship which he asked me for my help in filling for divorce saying he told me he was married well let me tell you i think i would have remembered that but i was already living with him then.ok well heres the rest it gets worse i end up falling pregnant i was 6 weeks along and i thought we could really give it a shot and i moved in with him and about a week later i found out he was married sore to me it was over a mistake and had no contact well not true because she started texting i know there is someone elesi told him he needs choice me and the baby or her he said you baby i love you and well told her he was happy and was with me having a baby and wants hes dam divorce hes mom told me there marriage was over before it started everyone has but then she started getting out of hand showing up at hes work wanting to talk calling him showing up at our house to hurt me and the babywell shes a second degree black belt i guess and well i wasnt wanting to take any chances completly kinda put everything on lock down she would come banging on the door and everytime i would go to call the police she left and would wait at the coner for him to get off work and talk to him one time i was 8 weeks along and she was calling him off the hook and we were post to be going to the movies he told me to wait in the car while he just talks to her and well i did 45 mins later hes friend shows up and he says i just need to go talk to her and she said she will leave us alone i begged him not to go begged but he left anyways said he would be home in an hour and spend time with me didnt come home at all went stright to work after spending all night with her i cried my self to sleep that night even worried about him thinking that there might of been something wrong but no he was at a motel with her saying she yelled at him all night and threated to follow him home and gut the baby right out my stomic well no excuse for that i told him after i showed up at hes work with the house key said bye and toke offi drove 7 hours to my sisters i was there by the time he got off workwell he came after me and i went back to him, him swearing up and down he wouldnt ever do it to me again well when we get back she showed up and hes dumb ass opens the door she beat the hell out of him but he got her out side well not knowing then she was a black belt i went out side and said what bitch you got something to say to me since she as screaming down our hall way i was a whore spreading my legs for her husband and i told him i was calling the police and he needed to choice right now me or her he had the nerve to say neither of you if you dont get in house.i slamed the door and packed my stuff and told hes friend to take me home well when i went out side to leave he was hugging her i was so hurt i started to cry and he has the nerve to come in and get in my face saying he was handling itwell i just gave in at that moment i got so depressed.she kept showing up but not while he was home then was going to hes work to talk to him i dont know how he got this idea or maybe it was just an excuse but he thought i was sleeping with hes friend our roommate,and left me but didnt tell me why just to leave we werent going to work out so i left, the girl next door is 17 she has some mental problems and well started putting guys in jail for sleeping with her and making fales storys about others well hes friend called him and told him right in front of me,i guess he toke it wrong and thought i was really only 17 this is what he said anyways but hes been to my job and has seen my id but the shock he was in freaked him out i was so upset he hasnt called the next day i went to the hosptial and called him and told him to please come to the hosptial that i shouldnt have to do this alone please he said im scared and said i will see you tom i said no you better come now he just stopped texting me i said for get it well i got out the hosptial and went home and passed out slept along time woke up and had 1 missed call from him, texts messages and well him begging me to come home i said if you call me i might he did i started crying i thought he loved me i felt like a fool broke down its hard to feel so alone he said he wanted me to come home i said ok just so he would show up i just wanted to talk, well he showed up and he hugged me tried kissing me i wouldnt kiss him back i told him i know you were with your wife he said yes but only because i thought you were trying to put me in jail which made no sense at all but asked if i would go with him to hes anut and uncles because they were dien sick i said yes i felt bad so i went well he said lets go see a movie, i said ok we did i loved him so much i just wanted to be with him so we went home and held eachother one thing lead to another and we had sex after we toke a shower we started fighting i dont even know what it was over but he thru salt in the wonds, i told him take me home, i moved back in with my old roommate when he left me that friday he drove me home and was acting funny so i said i want to get some stuff and come home he said no take a day and if your ready after work tommorrow i will pick you up, i said no you better wait he said ok hurry up left me out side with my stuff sent me a text saying ill pick u up tommorrow i called him screaming you dont come back right now were over forever he came back and picked me up we went home i was crying so back well when we got home he told me he was going to go talk to her, he owed her that for leading her on i said how about what you owe me i cried so bad i almost passed out well not only was he going to talk to her but spend the night over there because by the time he was done talking to her it would be to late to come home when he had to work in the morning, how in the hell could he do that to me after everything he put me thru god he end up holding me all night listen to me cry came home every day after that didnt go see her at all thought he was strighting up,well the next few months were perfect couldnt love me more or anything but i end up losing my mother from lupas a day before mothers day.well i toke it really hard he comforted me of corse but still felt like something inside died forever thats just an important thing to add as i tell you about this next part a month later everything was great went to washington to visit hes family, me and hes mom are really close actually she calls me her daughter but nothing would have hit me as hard as this did i was 4 months pregnant we got back from our trip had a wonderful fourth of july together everything then he says he has to go with a friend some where daniel which he did go with daniel sweet guy but he left hes car her all the power went out and our new roommate as the old one we kicked out as he was starting alot of problems come to find out he liked me alot more than a friend and was telling my boyfriend he thinks ive alot to hide but any who my roomate angel told me he left a flash light in my boy friends car so i went out to get it and i came a cross a cell phone no sim card but i put the battery in it,i never seen it before a while back he told me he had a tmobile cell phone from work but came to find out it wasnt a work phone it was a cell phone in hes ex gfs name there were messages from the last two months saying ill see you tommorrow for sure i promise and goodmorning baby i love you as all along i was at home pregnant with hes baby thinking we finally are going to be happy he knocked me down emotionally when i found that i called him and told him what i found and he said that was hes friends phone as he was hiding it from hes wife but i know hes wife i told him i was going to call and tell her she had every right to know as i wasnt falling for it but you see i only knew it was a female at that time i called blocked and she answered i was to shakey to talk so i hung up called back go her voice mail it said her name it just sent a whole new thing up because i know hes last ex before hes wife was name kristey and he finally amitted it and said he was just being friends and only said he loved her because she just lost her parents, well these messages were alot more than once and how can you tell someone you love them and turn around and tell someone eles like it doesnt mean anything he sent her a text saying i love you baby and i will see you tommorrow after work the day i found out my mom passed away i felt so stabbed in the back i left him and he ran after me, i didnt want to take him bac but he broke down in tears over me it hurt me to see him cry even thow i was hurting i hugged him and we tried to work things out but i had to talk to her so i did and she said she had been with him since april again slept with him too and gave me the date he was late home that day didnt come home till 8pm so it makes me wonder how she knew if he wasnt there she wouldnt ofthen told me she printed all the divorce papers up for him and he told her to waite for him he wanted to marry her so on so on well i got way stressed out and started bleeding and hurting bad so i called him at work crying and telling him offhe called her told her not to contact me anymore any to leave me alone toke off work and to take me to the hospital and then came home and changed my phone number we went to the hospital it was to late to stop it i had a miscarriage i was in shock he acted like he shut down and the next day it hit me hard i felt so distant from him i knew something was up so i called her and this time talked to her she told me she was sorry i lost my baby and that she knows its hard that she was trying to get pregnant by him but hasnt worked but also havent slept with him since april 16th i shut down i went numb i felt so sick she knew other things that happend to that just happend after he told me he was done talking to her i dont know how but she did and i had a good idea who was talking to her him he said no he wasnt i dont think i can believe him anymore he has hurt me so much yesterday i told him that i couldnt do it anymore things just didnt add up with him and i was so hurt and i toke a walk he didnt even know i was gone till hes brother asked where i was and he mom said i think i can see tiffany walking it wasnt me i walked down a little trail and he drove off looking for me my phone had died and he couldnt get a hold me me at all so when i walked back into hes moms house she told me he went looking for me i was so upset i said he can go with kristey i dont care i ran in the bathroom crying he busted the door open grabbed me and held me really tight wouldnt let go of me telling me he loves me and would do everything to keep me he started crying and called her on the phone told her to stay the hell aways from him and me and told me he knows i hurt but he wants to fix us now im stuck how is it love hurts so bad?i know my head can over come my heart but i just wish i could be stronger i really dont think i can thow i feel so weak and cant trust and just feel like i gave up and dont care like gave him a ticket to walk all over me,i need an outter input on this i know it sounds bad really bad what is wrong with him?does he only want what he cant have or does he want more than he can have ?does he not really love me or is he just all twisted up!he had a bad marriage she beat on him, he cheated and she was hes stocker gf on the side hes ex was bi and let him be with others,he left hes ex and end up marrying this crazy woman even hes ex he was saying i love you to said hes wife would break into there house and rip up all there pictures and sneak in the bed with him after she left for work so wow but what do you think i could do to be more strong and iam i crazy or is he really taking me for granted and walking on me ?because i feel he is but all he can say is i walk on him i cook clean wash laundry work and pay bills i take care of our dog i rub hes back legs and feet after work wait on him god i do it all i make sure everything is done around the house i keep him together im coming unglued i dont know how to controll this mess ive in my life i hurt but yet im numb what am i going thru emotionally and whats wrong with me ?what do i do with this mess with my live in boy friend?
View related questions:
at work, depressed, divorce, ex girlfriend, I love you, in jail, kissing, mental problems, moved in, moved out, roommate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): not to sound harsh or anything... but I would leave him. you sound like a very careing girlfriend. You deserve to be with someone without all the drama. One of my good friends just told me to end a relationship. I will tell you the same thing she told me. "you have a great capacity to love and forgive. You deserve to be loved by someone who will love you the same or more. Don't waste any of your time on losers, cheaters, beaters, or the mentallly insane."
I would move back with your sister and forget about it. Good luck! keep encouraged we'll both find our Mr. Right someday!
A
female
reader, Katrina4134  +, writes (24 October 2008):
Easier said than done but you need to get rid of your boyfriend. Your suffering more pain being with him than being without him. Look at all the things you do for him and he repays you by carrying on with his ex wife. Ask yourself this would you be happy for your daughter to be with a man like this? Im guessing the answer is no so if it is no take your own advice! Your gonna have a lot of work to do looking after his and your baby so focus on that.
...............................
|
