A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having trouble knowing what to do. I have been in a relationship with a girl for about 11 years. We have had a very up and down relationship. Our love for each other was the strongest and the compatibility even stronger, in the beginning. We stumbled through years 3-5 living sort of together she was still very involved with her family and I was with work. At the end of year 5 we were actually moved in together, and it was pretty nice, I still wanted more of a life with her not her and her family. After six months she had got into vet school, something I despised, I wanted her here building a life together. She left the country about 16 hours drive for a four year tenure. We stayed together though I told her I probably couldn't wait. I was heartbroken, through the first two years of school we saw each other pretty often, meeting half way for the weekend and saw each other on the breaks. I never went to her school she always came to me or I met her halfway (a regret) I kept battling with her to quit, she didn't seem that into it but at 28 she had spent a long time getting there but she wasn't sure she wanted it, and I didn't. We had talked about living on a farm and running it together since we met and couldn't seem to get he to do it with me(at this point I am farming full time on my own place). The last two years of her schooling our relationship had turned into a huge battle, not really seeing eachother that much, but staying in contact frequently. I had stopped being nice, I just couldn't deal with not ever settling after ten years. As we battled I began to drink more and more, I started to fall into a hole I couldn't get out of. I just felt like I couldn't give her the time because she had done this to us. I couldn't let her go but couldn't be nice either. Over those two years I battled her family and friends who all began to think I was an asshole for not supporting her. And I was being an asshole. I would tell my friend we weren't together anymore when I was intoxicated, and that I didn't want her. When she came home from vet school, she came running to me asking for a second chance. She said she would do anything for a second chance, and she wasn't joking that girl loved me. After all of the lack of support she wanted to come back to me. I was ecstatic she was home, and proud of her for pushing through, but I couldn't show it, I now had to face all of the mean things and lack of support I showed her and her family. The two months that she was home from school we saw each other a few times but I gave her that cold shoulder. She continued to beg. I continued to talk myself into not wanting to be with her and drink excessively to cope, because I couldn't cave. I still loved the girl and new that our future would be great we want almost all of the same things. At this point texts are down to about a week. And I'm about to make a huge life change to give it a shot I'm going to quit drinking so my meanness goes away. I stop drinking and start looking for her. I cant find her, she wont answer texts and Im dumbfounded. She has always answered the call. I find out from a friend that she has moved 5 hours away, and taken a job, I am heartbroken, she never told me. I go back to having a few beers to forget(only for a couple nights) and I said some more mean things. She responds to the texts with a new tone no longer sweet, but enraged, like why do you care you never did before? I am heartbroken and sober, I begin to realize that the love of my life is about to get away just at the point we could probably make it work. I begin to beg, I begin to freakout and have feelings I never had before. I start incessantly texting and harassing her to give I another shot. She says she's not sure for a week or so, then she drops the bomb, that she has found someone new (only three weeks after she was begging me). I continue to get her to pleas give it a try and it only seems to digress. I know she has to want it too and that it takes two. I MISSED MY SHOT BY A FEW WEEKS! and I'm freaked, I have known all along that we would make it I just needed time to face the past and be who I know I can be. I just got back from her new place, she told me it was over and she has found someone new, who treats her nice. I feel like I have lost her just as it was about to be something great. I do truly want her to be happy no matter what, I wish it was with me. Do we still have a chance? And what should I do? Let her go? or give it some time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDude, I have already been to see her when she begged me not to twice. Not good. I have only made it worse, I got so emotional the first time and that I think is what may have sealed my fate. The second time is when she said she has moved on and is with someone else. I begged her not to, I asked her to give it time and she said she couldnt. The lack of emotion in her made me even sicker. She said she has already cried all she can. I took is as too bad, she doesn't play games like me, she isn't that kind of girl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the honesty, I am a nice guy when Im not drinking, and Im not making excuses. That girl was what I could lean on and I leaned a lot. I always wanted to be a better partner, I thought I could be, the loneliness won. I used it as an excuse to burry my actions and not think about what I was really doing. I just wish for her sake that she had done it earlier. I do want her to be happy, she deserves it she is the best woman ever, and I am so proud to have been with her, she made me. I would give anything to have felt this way years ago, but the beer made the pain go away. I will never touch another beer again. I have so much regret
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 September 2015):
 I'm going to give it to you straight up, no fluff.
No, you don't have a chance. She has moved on and maybe you can learn something from that. You have treated her as an inferior the whole time, no wonder she finally said, enough.
You were mad that she spend time with her family? That it should JUST be you and her? Seriously? You know FAMILY is pretty important for many people, it's their support net, you were trying to isolate her from THAT support net.
You were mad that she decided to go to school to become a vet - that she wanted to do something with her life? HOW is that your decision what SHE does with HER life? Because you "despised" schooling or HER getting an education so she can becomes financially independent? Are you kidding? You know how AWESOME it can be if you have a VET for your wife (as a farmer)? As far as livestock and her having an income?
And then you kept battling her to quit?
I think you are missing the bigger picture here. You were SELFISH - you wanted her to do what YOU wanted her to do, not have her own dream and ambitions, my guess is you thought being your wife/partner was ambitious enough for you?
Then the drinking? And making it her fault?
She TRIED to reach out to you and you treated her like dirt. And when you finally realize what you had, you HARASS her with calls and texts... And you wonder why she found someone else? So soon?
Sorry dude, if this is how you treat someone you care about... you will be a very lonely guy.
LET her go. She deserves some happiness and a SUPPORTIVE partner.
Stick to the not drinking and consider finding a counselor and have a look at YOURSELF over the course of the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 Thats what happens when you play games, someone loses and that person is you. It is very easy to move on with someone who is a breath of fresh uncomplicated air and it highlights all that was wrong in past relationships. Acknowledging that you were an arse hole doesn't change that you were an arse hole and have now reaped what you have sown. Leave her be, if she comes back on her own steam then maybe you have a chance but I wouldn't be holding my breath nor would I be harassing her to change he mind especially when you have been on the turps aka booze. nothing more infuriating than a sad and sorry " Buuuuuuuuuuuut…I lll..ove you" ex.
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A
male
reader, Wayalife +, writes (3 September 2015):
Brother, what I would do at a time like this is pursue. Drive out to her place and talk with confidence and not with an eager tone. Fess up about how you neglected to share your true feelings. Let her know deep down how you presently feel. Because if you don't, you will never get that second shot.
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