A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This Friday my boyfriend wants me to stay round his, he has the house to himself so his parents don't know. The problem is my parents won't let me sleep round his so I have to make up an excuse I've already said my friend is having a sleepover and I'm invited but they said that they're gonna drop me off at her house but I made it up. My friend doesn't even live where my boyfriend lives. What do I do, please help??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pinkgoblin15  +, writes (21 September 2009):
 I agree with the other posters :/ You have only known this guy for 3 months. Don't let this be a life lesson that you have to experience the hard way. With your hormones raging at 14 making out could turn into sex.. If you want the whole school knowing you had sex with this guy then go for it =)
A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (20 September 2009):
 I'm not gonna lecture, been your age, done it all :)
I'm glad you mentioned you're nto ready for sex. I was pressured into it at 15 and was stupid enough to let myself be pressured.
But, anyway, back to the point. If I was you, I would tell your parents the sleepover is off. Just really consider what would happen if you stayed over at your boyfriends anyway...I know girls like to think they're grown up at your age, but trust me in 10 years time you'll look back and smile at how naive you were (I do all the time!). Boys are gonna want sex. He might know you're not ready but that's not gonna stop him trying/pushing his luck.
Do your parents know you have a boyfriend? If not, they'll respect and trust you alot more if you're honest with them :) Invite the boyfriend round, get a DVD and some munchies, see if your parents will let you have a Smirnoff Ice or 2 :) xx
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 September 2009):
 Ok, so you fibbed about your age too.
I thought the sneaking about sounded more like a teenager.
My advice is still the same. TELL YOUR PARENTS. I know you want to see him, and I know you think you love him, but this is not the way to get your parents to trust you. The more you lie to them, the less you can be trusted, and the less likely they are to let you see your boyfriend. To be frank with you, no parent in their right mind would let their 14 year old daughter sleep over at their boyfriends house, ALONE. As adults we know what happens in situations like that. You are not being singled out for this, it is not your parents being mean. THEY ARE DOING WHAT IS RIGHT.
You, on the other hand are being a typical petualant teenager. You think you know best, and are being devious by trying to get around your parents and get your own way. You think you know better. Well, you dont. You will end up in trouble, and unless you are careful, you may end up pregnant or with an STD too. He is planning on trying to sleep with you.
Your parents WILL find out. And then they WILL stop you seeing him any more, because you cannot be trusted. You are not acting like an adult, you are acting like a spoilt child who is having a tantrum because you cannot have what you want. Sometimes parents know best. Be honest, be grown up.
Why is it so important that you sleep at his house? IF he indeed knows you are not ready for sex, then there is absolutely no need for you to do so. You only need a house to yourself if you are planning on getting up to no good, and dont want to be disturbed. HE is planning something, and it probably involves more than just kissing.
You are 14, you do not understand the lengths that teenage boys will go to in order to have sex, get off or generally have their willies played with. As no one else will be around, he can get you to do anything he wants, because there is no one for you to go and tell, and you cant go home without calling your parents and admitting you lied. He KNOWS you wouldnt do that. He will have you cornered.
You will be on your own with him. NO ONE will know where you are. What happens if you get caught up in the heat of the moment? Will he stop? Will you be able to say NO? Will he even listen if you say no?
What happens if he rapes you? There is no one to come running to help you, and your parents think you are at your friends house. Can you see the dangers in all this?
Please also remember that ANY sexual act under the age of 16 is illegal. This includes oral, masturbation, handjobs, and full sex.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/switch/surgery/advice/sex_relationships/sex/age_of_consent/
I am sure you will probably not listen to what we say anyway, as you seem to be determined to do this, but please be warned, and be careful, and always use contraception.
WHEN your parents find out, you will regret it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): Depends on the rules your boyfriend's parents have laid down and how they would react if they were broken.
If you are not comfortable lying now then you won't cope if they ask how you got on or what did you do ie you may have to tell other lies to cover your tracks.
Certainly a guilt ridden liaison isn't what love is supposed to be about (you are already guilt ridden before you start and that will only get worse).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am 14 and i dont want to lie to my mum and dad but its the only way iv been with the guy for 3 months now but i kno im not readi for sex yet and he knos that to
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 September 2009):
The fact you are already lying to your parents is not a good thing.
I know you love your boyfriend, but what if something happens, and you get hurt? They will think you are at your friends house? How old are you? How long have you been dating this guy? Maybe they think you should get to know him more before you stay over. It can be very hard to resist sleeping with him when no one else is around and you have the place to yourself. They are only concerned about your safety. Your parents can see your relationship with an outsiders view, they are not involved with the hormones and emotional connection, maybe they can see something which you are oblivious to?
Also, lies have a horrible habit of coming out in the end, and will return to bite you on the backside. By lying, and them finding out, they will not trust you at all, and any trust they do have in you will be gone.
The best way is to be honest from the beginning. By being honest, they will see that you are being mature, and grown up. Lying and sneaking about smacks of a young inexperienced teenager of 14 or 15, and that is how they will treat you, because you cannot be trusted.
Your age says you are 18-21. This is old enough to be taking responsibility for yourself as an adult, not fibbing to your parents. You are old enough to have sex, drive, buy alcohol and vote. Act like a grown up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): Ask yourself what do you want? Is a boyfriend worth ruining your relationship with your parents?You are young, plenty of time to meet nice men and date when it's time.
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