A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I recently got married (around one month) and now realize that there are several things bothering me:1) We live in City X, whereas my family lives in City Y. I do not like City X, but he could not find a job in City Y hence I had to move to City X. I want to move back to City Y and don't want to have kids unless I am in City Y, but with the current state of the economy, I am not sure if he can find a job there or if we can find a house there. 2) His sister comes to City X to visit every so often due to work. We are going to a concert, initially I wanted to just go with him, but he invited his sister as well since she is in town. He always seems to put his sister first...he's scared that she's bored, scared of this, scared of that...doesn't seem to think about what I want or what I feel - his sister has priority. 3) One time I had a headache, but then I took some tylenol and took a shower and felt much better. When he saw how much better I was, he got really pissed off because he thought I was faking the headache to begin with. This really bothered me. 4) We went to bed, and these things were really bothering me, so I went downstairs to use the internet to write this post. He comes down to see what I'm doing and when I tell him I'm looking up stuff, he says that I will interrupt his sleeping when I go to bed afterwards and that he is going to bed first. Sometimes I feel really lonely - I don't know anyone here and all my friends and family and coworkers are in Toronto. When I think of that, I feel like crying. Like right now - I really feel like talking to someone, but I feel like I have no one. It's too late to call anyone. Is there something wrong with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): there is nothing wrong with you all relationships have problems especially in the beginnings or marriages talk to him tell him how you feel watch for his reaction and attitude towards this see how he feels about changing to make you feel better if he is open minded then try and work it out if he is arrogant stubborn or avoids the subject or gets really pissed off the leave him i don't think you want to be with a guy like that when you can be with some one else in you home town city Y. give it some time the and don't be quick to judge he might be going through some stress full times.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): There is nothing wrong with you. You need to be brave and speak up about what's worrying you. Bottling up your concerns will make you angry about them and this will in turn make you very angry at him.
Being his wife, you are his first priority. He obviously cares very much for his sister but you are of equal importance. Accept that his sister is an important person in his life but you are too. Otherwise he wouldn't have married you. You're not a doormat.
You know you weren't lieing about the headache. Say so the next time a similar occurence happens. You shouldn't let him make you feel bad about yourself.
I feel sorry that you find yourself lonely but it's like that when you move to a different place. Try and make the most of the oppurtunity you find yourself in. Think positive, it's a whole new city with LOTS of new people. Get out there and make some friends, whether it be through a club or work. If you're the shy type, see it as an oppurtunity to develop some confidence where people are concerned.
It sound's like you feel neglected. It's not a nice feeling. Talk to him and if he shrugs you of, don't nag just keep telling him you're finding it hard and that you need him to acknowledge that.
the best of luck :) and remember, it's sometimes hard being a newlywed, there are going to be lots of challenges ahead but its an oppurtunity to grow and learn alongside someone you love. what's better than that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): No, you're husband is weird. Sorry, but yeah. Your situation sounds just like my aunt's. Except she a country away from her family with a prick who put his dad and sister above her.
She eventually went back hone and finished her schooling, became a dentist, and is currently in the process of getting a divorce.
What you wrote about sounds exactly like her's. She is a million times happier, like a different person even. :-) It isn't right to do that to someone who you are supposed to love and cherish. Your husband sounds like a major jerk.
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