A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure how to go about saying this so I apologise if I'm not clear on anything I say.Recently I've been having problems during any form of sexual play with my girlfriend, I seem to be able to finish ok on my own but whenever she does anything to me or we have sex I get to points where I feel close but never get to that peak point of no return.This wasn't the case at the beginning or middle of our relationship (we've been together for a year and a month now) although we did have one issue where I kept thinking that I was finishing too quickly so I held back, which inadvertently caused me to not finish at all for a good while.Now it seems like whenever we have sex I get to a point where I become "self aware" of what I'm doing and I lose all focus and eventually lose interest all together. She says she enjoys having sex with me but whenever we're in the missionary position and I look down at her she seems to have an uninterested look on her face and it only changes when I pick up the pace.And the same can be said for oral or mutual masturbation, I can get really into it but after a while I lose interest and any sort of pleasure I was gaining and it usually ends up with me finishing myself off (and even that can take a while for me to do, something that has never happened to me before).I find her sexually attractive and I feel very connected to her and have no problems during foreplay, but this problem always happens during the main event.I've tried going a week without touching myself to see if that solves the issue but even that didn't work. Am I just past the honeymoon phase and losing interest in her or is this a thing that happens with all guys past a year's worth of being in a relationship and I should just focus on pleasuring her until my mood comes back?.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your responses, they really helped clear up my head of any doubts and I certainly feel more confident with myself.We figured out that by relaxing and taking mini breaks between activities has certainly helped as it allows us to recover, something we also had a problem with as one of us would either hurt or lose stamina.I really appreciate both of you taking your time to answer my question and give me such helpful respones, thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2016): It's a mixture of things. I read your post carefully. There comes a point in your love-life when the passion plateaus.
You become very used to each other. Sex gets very routine when it's always the same position, one partner does all the work; or when you have sex just to be doing it, and you're not really hot for it.
You overthink everything, your mind wanders, and you create your own performance-anxiety as a result. I call it sexual A.D.D.
Get out and do things together. You need to put something in-between. Enjoying time away from home offers a change of scenery and refreshes the mind. It restores and recharges the libido. Staying home too much makes you complacent and lazy. If you have sex out of boredom, it becomes boring.
Take your mind off "performance" and concentrate on creativity. Experiment and talk about the stuff you like about each other. She needs to hear that from you. You need to hear it from her too. You both need to boost each others self-esteem. Remind each other why you love each other.
There will be suggestions of role-playing, so on and so-forth. If it's contrived or mechanical, it's just silly and awkward. Sex has to be spontaneous, and you shouldn't place a timer on it. That only adds to the anxiety.
Most people who get bored with sex don't know much about foreplay. It's not part of their routine. They just get down to it, get-off, then she lies there waiting for an orgasm to happen; and making her guy feel like a failure.
It's unbelievable how much sex everybody's having these days; and don't have a clue about their emotions, or their anatomy.
Set the mood. Delay sex until you want it so bad you can't stand it. Tease and play with each other. Playfulness alleviates stress.
My boyfriend and I played a little game the other night of trying to find what part of the body creates tingles or gets us most aroused. Starting from head to toe. I didn't know he had so many places! I didn't know I do too!
Be playful. Take a time-out if you feel a little bored.
Devote the time your mind wanders to wandering about her body. Her body's a playground. Test her body parts for responses. Put the fun back into it, and it will be fresh and new each time. Trying to have it every-night like you did a year ago will only stress you out. It doesn't really work that way over the long-run. There will be ups and downs.
Stop analyzing sex. It comes from emotion and it's natural. It isn't a system of plays like a football game. It's built and fueled by passion. If there is no fuel behind it. Save it for another time.
Recognize when you're just not really in the mood. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a myth that you always have to spring into action. Sometimes you have to work your tongue, hands, fingers, and lips when your penis needs a rest. Your penis isn't all you have to please your partner. She has many places that require stimulation you haven't even discovered yet. Go search for them. It's not all about your dick.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 March 2016):
 Your focus should always be on pleasuring her first everything else in insignificant. sounds like you're just having anxiety episodes, ergo...relax and let nature take it's course don't over -think this deep breaths now go back to taking care of her and stop your introspection.
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