A
female
age
30-35,
*indymie
writes:Hi everynone.. im having difficulties in socializing with other people due to my low self esteem and socially awkward. I feel shy whenever i meet people that attractive and confident. Im not kind of thia person before. I used to have many friends to hang out with back inthe college but since graduating i lost all my connection and relationship with them..I feel so lonely and living days like a hermit. I dont have permanent activity beside helping family business and having private music lesson once a week. I really wish to have friends that i can hang out with and social life that i used to have. How can i have friends and where should i start to meet new people. please give me advice and idea for this..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): You could try joining a class or group, such as a Meetup group.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): I take it that English is not your first or most spoken language. You can meet a lot of nice people in a language class. It would be helpful and actually improve your written and spoken command of the language.
As I said before. You have to push yourself and stop making excuses "why not." "I can't, because of this or that!"
Well, friends aren't knocking at your door. Like food, if you're hungry enough; you'll go out and find some when you've run out.
When all else fails, you reconnect with your family to fill-in the void. You visit distant-relatives and form closer relationships.
If you keep creating all sorts of excuses why you can't; you're going to continue facing loneliness. Humans are social creatures. We'll figure out a way to find company. Being a hermit is your choice. You want everyone to come to you. If that isn't happening, then the ball is in your court. You'll have to get out and make yourself visible to the world. Overcome shyness. Don't form dependency on your friends, that has a smothering-effect. The rejection is traumatic. Trouble-makers often go into hiding after they stir-up chaos! Naive you say?
You've allowed your issues with that "triangle" to force you into self-imposed exile. Only because things didn't go your way; or you made a big mess of things. You must have turned a lot of people against you. There's a lot you're holding back. How can you work in a family-business, and not meet people to make friends? You want people to come to you, and you don't want to make any personal-effort. Perhaps that sums it up.
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A
female
reader, cindymie +, writes (18 April 2015):
cindymie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionour friendship broken because of the triangle love their involved in and the naive me got influenced by some of the friend and it breaks our friendship.
however im still having contact with one of them and they all living their own new life too. I wish to get new friends and environment but i dont know where and how to start.
Im interested in volunterring but doesnt have connection to it and im interested in cooking and languange skills. But honestly im afraid i cant socializing like i used to be and that would make me more nervous and lower my self esteem even more if nobody would like to befriend me.
Fyi my low self esteem dont related to my looks. Im pretty confident about my apperance and heard people call me pretty but its about my loneliness and feeling of isolated and left out that make me not so confident in having conversation with other. Im afraid they ask me about my pathethic life.
How can i change this mindset and be more sociable with people? I just want to have friends im so lonely
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): Can you please explain how and why you've been isolated for the last three years? You didn't mention that before.
I'm not a "predictable American." I think outside the box, and I also read between the lines.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): The first step would be to change your private music activity to a group one. There are usually amateur orchestras in or around your neighbourhood if you make enquiries. Or find your nearest music school and see if they can help. Similar to working in your family business. Upgrade and make the skill more social. Do you have transferrable skills that you could use in voluntary or paid work? If so, get on with applying. In this way you are guaranteed to meet at least two new groups of people through music and work.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (18 April 2015):
I think you shouldn't rule out contacting your old school friends - they may be married or busy with their new lives but that doesn't mean to say that some of them wouldn't be happy to hear from you again.But it would be good for you to make new friends too.You say you have music lessons. How about joining a choir? Or a band/orchestra? Ask your music teacher.You could try dance classes (there are so many different styles)You could join an amateur theatre company - there are plenty of things to do backstage if you don't fancy being on stage.Volunteer work is a good way of meeting people.Exercise classes can help you feel better about yourself too and might improve your confidence and reduce your anxiety levels. Yoga is quite good for this as it teaches you relaxation techniques too
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A
female
reader, bubbida  +, writes (18 April 2015):
I would try to reconnect with some of your old school friends. You could also try volunteering. Your local City would probably have many volunteer opportunities. Volunteering is great way to meet all kinds of different people you wouldn't normally and it gets you out of the house.
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A
female
reader, cindymie +, writes (18 April 2015):
cindymie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the responses.. my friends are separated and theyre mostly either married or having new social life. I feel left out. I feel lame and useless. I wish i could get a new friend and start a new life. i wonder where should i start from and how to make friends as im isolated for almost 3 years and not use to social life anymore.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 April 2015):
 Have you tried reconnecting with the friends you made in college?
You have to deal with the low self esteem and isolation from your peer group.
How can you have friends? Where should you start to meet new people?
I would start with your college alumni club.
Reconnect with your friends from that time in your life.
If you find this extremely difficult and problematic then I would suggest to you that you are suffering from social anxiety and/or depression and that you should bring this up with your GP. Be very clear about this!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2015): [EDIT]
"and you some of the things you've learned through higher-education."
CORRECTION:
"and apply some of the things you've learned through higher-education."
Sorry!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2015): Rekindle your old friendships with your college buddies through Facebook and social media. You don't have to be a social-outcast unless you want to be. You're the one isolating yourself; because you're uncomfortable or shy around confident and attractive people.
Exactly what did college do for you? It didn't expand you socially, or increase your confidence!
Perhaps you may need some professional-counseling to overcome an untreated social disorder or some mild depression. If you are already, then maybe it's time for a review of your therapy program or medications.
How do you help the family business? That's exposure to the public. What do you do, hide in the back office? Come out of hiding and practice being accommodating and friendly.
Push yourself beyond your comfort-zone. You can't make or keep friends; if you let shyness overrule your life.
If you take private music lessons; you gain confidence and poise by performing before people. That's an excellent way to build your self-confidence and expose your talent. You've got a lot going for you, kiddo!
Confidence comes from applying ones-self and putting yourself out there. You defy your awkwardness by pressing through the clumsiness and anxiousness until it subsides. You give it a "college-try" and you some of the things you've learned through higher-education. Make use of what all that money paid for, young lady! I'm sure if your family owns a business, social graces are a necessity for entertaining and gaining a clientele. Make use of that built-in opportunity and privilege.
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