A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Got myself in to a bit of a pickle. I have a best friend - we'll call him Harry. He's gay and for years he has always sort of been my "gay best friend." We do everything together and everyone has always joked we're like a couple. We stay over at eachothers flats, go out to dinner together and always know whats going on with eachother. Recently - the last couple of months - we have been growing closer and our friendship has sort of reached a new level. We were both really ill at the same time with the same illness and couldnt go near anyone for fear we'd give it to them, so we just spent all our time together holed up in his flat keeping eachother company. Because of this we were spending a lot of time together, just curled up in bed takling to eachother. After a few days of being ill, things started to get a bit intimate - like we started talking about sex and stuff and he said he'd never had sex with a girl, only with other men. We really opened up to eachtoher about out sexual pasts, and shared some pretty graphic details about what we do and dont like. This lead to us being quite horny and ended up with us having quite wild sex. Obviously I'm really confused, as I think he is. Not only is this confusing becauses hes meant to be gay, but also confusing because we've both admitted it's the best sex either of us has ever had. Theres no weirdness between us afterwards either and I guess I was just wanting advice about what do I do next. We're still the best of friends, but we're having casual sex with eachother - is this ok? Neither of us are in relationships and neither of us want a relationship.
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male
reader, eskimo81  +, writes (4 April 2011):
Of course it's OK.
The only thing that makes something consensually intimate OK or not OK is how you feel about it.
If one of you wants long-term and the other doesn't, it might be painful down the road, but that doesn't make it less OK now.
If it makes you both happy, then keep doing it and don't let anything stop you.
A
male
reader, carlogio +, writes (8 June 2010):
"At the risk of making the gay community mad, are you nuts for having sex with him? I hope you used protection, the kind of sex he is used to having makes him very vulnerable to HIV, and you are having high risk sex if you are having intercourse without protection with him....even kissing him makes you at risk, sharing any bodily fluids is a no no with a gay man according to a doctor who wrote a book, Everything Your Mother Never Told You About Sex.
So think about this the next time you are making out with him."
You haven't made the gay community man, what you have done is highlight how ignorant you are. What a disgusting, insulting homophobic thing to say. You assume that just because this guy is gay that he has having sex with everyone without protection? am a 25 year old gay man and I don't have casual sex. I'm sure you know of many "slutty" girls that you are ashamed are women, do you know how much Hepatitis and Chlamydia and the rest is bounding about? You should be ashamed of your attitude and idiocy. Go and read a real book - the only way you would have a chance of catching HIV through saliva is if you drank buckets full. If your child was gay, would you not cuddle them because you'd get infected? You are a fifty year old woman - grow up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): i just started doing the same thing with my gay best friend, it hasnt affected our friendship, we have been friends for years, i moved in, we started talking about it just like you, and got aroused, and he said he was interested in what it was like to have sex with a girl, hes totally gay, and doesnt really feel, complete, with out a boy, and has to fantasize or look at gay porn while in the act, but i dont mind, its good, hot sex, some of the best ive ever had, neither of us are in a relationship but, unlike you two, we do want to be in relationships, so this is just temporary and for fun. Hope this helped!
peace love and happiness
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): well do u like him and if u do well its cool just dont get aids or hiv
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (8 April 2008):
 Your friend is bi not gay. I did an interview with a bisexual woman on this topic and you can listen to it free on www.FBKradio.com
Sometimes, the way a person sees himself and identifies himself must be so set in stone, that changing it could be painful. He might identify himself as gay, but the reality is if he enjoyed sex with you, and wanted sex with you, he is bi. There is emotional sexuality and physical desire sexuality. It may be a combination.
Is it ok to have casual sex? Only if you can handle it. The real question is what are either of you going to do when one of you meets someone that you WANT a relationship with? Surely, you don't expect that new partner to be OK with the two of you staying friends after all this do you?
Have the two of you considered being in an open relationship together? You are half way there already.
-Frank B Kermit of www.FBKradio.com and www.frankadviceforwomen.com
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): Well obviously he may well be bisexual and not gay - and he may just not have realised it. I am gay and no amount of talking or closeness could cause me to have sex with a woman.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (4 April 2008):
 uh? enjoy the moment? you both don't want relationships. and you're both having sex. as long as you're not emotional interested then hey enjoy it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Well, this is a weird state of affairs....I don't think your best friend is truly gay, or he wouldn't have thought this was the best sex he ever had, he's confused. You on the other hand are heterosexual and you like this guy, and because he is so called gay, he is "safe", you don't have to worry about getting rejected, you already know it isn't about romance, it is about sex.
Can't tell you how to proceed....I don't think this is going to be good for your friendship....
At the risk of making the gay community mad, are you nuts for having sex with him? I hope you used protection, the kind of sex he is used to having makes him very vulnerable to HIV, and you are having high risk sex if you are having intercourse without protection with him....even kissing him makes you at risk, sharing any bodily fluids is a no no with a gay man according to a doctor who wrote a book, Everything Your Mother Never Told You About Sex.
So think about this the next time you are making out with him.
Good Luck to you, I hope you can fing a real boyfriend soon, or a relationship...you say you don't want one, but I think you probably do.
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