A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a co-worker for 3 years. I'm separated and he's married and we enjoy each other's company. Recently we met other co-workers at a bar for the holiday. I was there before he was and when he came in he basically ignored me. He walked down to an opening at the bar that happened to be beside a young, hot 26 year old woman we work with because he said there was no room beside me. He spent the evening beside her, leaning over to talk in her ear, even went out with her when she left to smoke and he doesn't even smoke! He only talked to me if I initiated the conversation. I was very upset by his actions and told him so a few days later. When confronted he acted like he didn't know what I meant, said that he would never be sexually interested in a 26 year old because he has kids that age, and assured me that nothing is going on between them. It's not that I think there's something going on because I'm sure there's not, but what upset me was the way he ignored me. His excuse was he thinks when two people are having an affair other people can sense it when you're seen together. He said his actions toward me that night were certainly not intentional. When trying to talk to him about it in depth and asking him if his feelings for me have changed his reply was "sometimes they do" because he says he doesn't know what I want...that I know he's not leaving his wife so why do I hang around him. I told him if he didn't know by now he never would. Then he brushed me off by saying he didn't feel like talking because he had some other things going on. Said he'd talk to me tomorrow or whenever. You men out there, can you help me understand. Am I blowing things out of proportion?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input. I know deep down that all of you are right and that I need to end it with him. I'd pretty much decided that on my own but find it so very hard to do. I'd be miserable without him but also relieved. If I end it I no longer have to wonder (worry) if he'll stop by my office to see me, if he's left for the day without saying good bye, if there's another woman. I'm torn. I know what the right thing is to do but do I have the backbone to do it? I'm closer than I ever have been to ending it and should go ahead and do it and start the new year out right. I crave his attention.
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (30 December 2010):
 I'm not a man, but I can offer an opinion from the outside.
Let's be realistic; the vast majority of men would be sexually interested in a 26 year old, especially if they had the opportunity to sleep with one, and he was obviously interested in her. Don't let him feed you excuses. Besides, are you really surprised he'd do that if he was willing to cheat on his wife with you?
On that note, you can't exactly say he's not allowed to show interest in someone else because let's face it, you're not in a true relationship. It might not have been the nicest thing of him to do, but since you're his mistress he has no real ties or obligations to you. You're the side dish, not the main course. It's a bit ridiculous to expect a man cheating with you on someone else to be faithful, isn't it?
If you want someone that's not going to ignore you when it's convenient, find a man that's single and not looking to cheat on his wife.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Firstly,he has no obligation to speak to you,he doesnt belong to you,& you dont belong to him,& therefore he can ignore you & talk to whoever he wants.Why are even with a married man,cant you get a single man?And for 3 years?What a waste of time,seeing someone who will never be yours.Hats off to him though,for having a wife & you on the side,atleast HE'S happy,hes the clever one. Oh & dont think your work colleagues dont know about you two,they know...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): No you are not blowing things out proportion.
He blatantly ignored you bec he doesn't want the cat out of the bag about your affair. You are his dirty little secret and he has no intentions of ever acknowledging you. You either accept it or end your affair.
Your affair is a secret bec well it is taboo. He is married and he doesn't want to be associated with you at all in public.
I think u have invested too much in this affair. He treats you like a dirty little secret bec you are. His behaviour tells you this.it also shows that he has no qualms about making you feel like nothing.
Are u certain you are his only lover on the side? It is obvious he has no respect for you. He has no time for you. He will see you and talk to you when it is convenient for him. I also get the feeling that you are becoming a nag. Be careful he doesn't start thinking you are just like a nagging wife.
I think u will soon find that your affair is in the dying stages. It has passed its sell by date and the only person who has not figured it out is you!
Why do you stay with a man who has no respect, time and love for you? Self esteem issues? Your wake up call was the bar incident. Whether you still choose to be second best is up to you.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (30 December 2010):
Hi Ma'am,
This is going to be hard on you but I will say it nevertheless, because this is for your own good. You are going out with a man who is married. Do you even understand what that means? Technically, there is no difference between you and that 26 year old in his eyes. Except that the 26 year old girl is probably a "newer model" of the female motorbike that he rides for free.
That you could bring yourself so far into being an accomplice in the cheating of a mother of kids goes beyond my understanding. The only people being cheated here are the mother, the kids and you. Can you please accept this reality? Please move on and move on starting now. I know the pain of loneliness but being alone is better than being bad company or being in bad company. As you sow, so will you reap in future. Do to others what you would like to be done unto you. You deserve more respect for you, from you.
I hope you will understand and embark on the right route from now on.
Regards,
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