A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all!I'm in a new relationship with a guy who I find just incredible! He's great, I don't think I've ever felt such a connection with someone in such a short time. My problem is that he has a son (who I also adore, he's a great little kid). I sort of have a problem with getting involved with him because of this, which I know if stupid because I like him and his son so much. Can anyone give me some advice to get over this? I feel like I know it's not a big deal, but I just can't quite accept it yet.Thanks for your input! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): I understand completely. I once dated a great guy with a child as well. The kid was adorable but I could never quite get comfortable with the arrangement.At the end of the day I realised that as much as I liked the father I was just not one of those women that wants to raise someone elses child. I'm not a particularly maternal individual at the best of times. I have children of my own now and love them to bits and would do anything for them. I've come to realise that as much as people pretend otherwise there is a very special bond between a mother and her children, some people are able to extend this to include other peoples children as well but I'm just not one of them. It wouldn't have been fair on the father or the child to continue the relationship if you're not able to love them both the way they deserve. I suggest you look elsewere for a man (with no kids) and take it from there...
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (7 September 2010):
 I think you need to figure out why it is holding you back. Because if you were honest with yourself you wouldn't be feeling like this, take a moment and ponder what you think is the big deal.
its just one more person you'll get to know while you date this man.
One thing I can think of to get over this feeling is to spend more time with this man and his son. the more you are around his son the more comfortable you may feel being a part of his life, its not like the man is asking you to be his wife, so you don't need to feel like you have to step in as a mother figure just yet, if at all.
You're an adult and adults sometimes have kids, its a mature relationship to get into but you're on a great start if you already adore this little boy and his daddy. Just don't overthink anything, usually that does no good.
good luck and have fun
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): What exactly is the problem? Can you explain the feeling that makes you pause. Is it the responsibility of a ready made family? Is it that your boyfriend has someone who he is totally responsible for and who comes before you? Is it the mother and her involvement? The fact that this child will be his firstborn and not yours? There has to be something that really bothers you.
mal
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