A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi! Before you reply with "get over it, he's a guy" just hear me out!I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and half. he's 20 i'm turning 19 in a few days. When we first started dating I was absolutely fine with him watching porn, we'd watch it together sometimes. Alot of the times he would turn it off or not pay attention to it because his eyes were glued to me. Over time I've slowly grown a hatred towards the idea of him watching it or masturbating to it. Though, I know it's a natural thing and I myself do it too but for some reason it's been making me really mad knowing he does it. When I started getting uncomfortable with it I told him and he would always tell me "My eyes are for you only". Now, further into our relationship, I'm practially paranoid with it. He had once told me that he had a thing for tan women with blonde hair and blue eyes... I am a ginger. I am already very insecure with my looks yet he doesn't want me to change. I so badly want to be his only desire that I was going to spray tan and dye my hair but luckily i couldn't bring myself to it. We recently both started working again and are on different schedules. While we were having sex i noticed how much longer it had been and asked if he had masturbated... he said yes and I got really pissed off. He claims it's because he goes longer to make me happy but that isn't what makes me happy (it's knowing theres passion and a connection that gets me off no matter how fast or how long the sex is). I feel bad because I want to be okay with it and not care but it's really killing me on the inside. He told me he'd stop a while ago but i know he does it behind my back. obviously... but I don't blame him. It's aggrevating because I do anything and everything he brings up sex related. The thing is, he told me he feels like i'm restricting him which I understand but it confuses me as to why he Needs to masturbate and watch porn when he knows I am up and willing to do it all the time. I used to dress up for him but now he doesn't even give me the chance or do foreplay. He doesn't try to please me anymore, and it's like there's no emotion in it. I try explaining this to him all the time but i either get so mad or choked up that i can't talk to him because he's stubborn and automatically thinks "oh she's just being a selfish".I'm just really confused and hurt and don't know what to do.I want to be okay with him having his alone time with porn again but I guess I also want him to want me like he once did. We are so young, there's no reason why sex should feel so emotionless or why he shouldn't prefer me over porn since we live together. You'd think he would want it all the time... i know i do. :/Guess i could just use someone's opinion on it all and if you've been in a similar situation how did you learn to cope with the porn thing?
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foreplay, ginger, insecure, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Candycane1234  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 It seems the porn has zapped his lust for real women away. I don't know if it's similar but my story is under
"He said porn was better than me, now he finishes too quickly with me!"
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Sounds like you started out accomodating his porn watching... but that it (watching) has now gone out of balance. You need to bring this up to HIM..... and tell him HOW YOU FEEL (DON'T "tell him" to stop watching!!!! That's a sure-fire way to get him to stop listening...)...
Some people might resort to the "...he's a guy..." B/S..... but that's not realistic, is it?
Good luck.....
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