A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First of all the age is wrong, I'm 17.I'm having a bit of trouble getting over this guy. See, we were great friends at first and I fancied the arse off him and he knew and used me for sex until one day he rang me to tell me that he started going out with a girl I knew. He was my first time and it seems to have had quite an effect on me. (is that normal?)I was absolutely devastated about this and for a while I really wanted to be friends with him because he's not the best at relationships and I thought that if I stuck around long enough that he would break up with his girlfriend and we could maybe become fwb or something. Anyway, after struggling with my hate and attachment for him at the same time I went out with him because our holidays coincided and we both randomly were in berlin at the same time. It brought back loads of feelings for him and so I kind of avoided him for a bit. But now we're both back home and he keeps talking to me and all I can think is "I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you". But at the same time I REALLY want him physically. I miss him as someone who I could talk to about anything as well. I miss the things he used to say to me, even if he was lying through his teeth, it was so nice to feel wanted by someone I was really really in love with.How can I just make this longing go away?The time we did things together was all through May, and now months later, I still can't stop the want for him, even if I'm having a day full of hatred for him and I always try to focus on other things.I'm also a little worried, because there was one person I was mildly attracted to, but he came into and left my life too quickly for any serious emotions to develop, and it got me very worried that even if I can like someone, I don't think that I'll ever love anyone as much as I loved him.Can anyone give me any advice to get over him once and for all? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): OP there is no such thing as trying to ignore someone, you either do or you don't. Really there is no trying.
Look you're 17 so I'll cut you some slack, in your response you back him again by saying he's really bad at relationships and you even cite the really horrible things he has said about this other girl. Seriously 17 or not what the hell are even talking to this guy for, he's not bad at relationships he's just a horrible prick. Seriously if he's saying that about her then what was he saying about you?
Seriously Op he's a two faced gowl. No girl can trust him because he goes behind their back calling them "pudgey" and reading them behind their back to you. Op that's not being bad at relationships that's just being an asshole, plain and simple.
You HAVE to get rid of him OP, he's poisoning you, you're so in love with him that you're willing to look past all of these things that he does to girls, you're willing to let him use you and you make excuses for his horrible treatment of these girls.
Block him on facebook and text him and say you need time away from him that you have some stuff to figure out. Trust the hate part of your feelings, he's hurting you and he knows and he doesn't care. Delete his number.
Look you have to cut him out of your life or you're screwed, with him in your life playing you, you will never find another guy. He'll keep coming back and using you as his fallback girl and he'll keep going off with other girls.
You have two options OP, stay like this keep answering his messages, texts and meeting up with him, never really getting over him and never actually having what you want with him and getting hurt over and over again. Or you can completely cut him off. Make sure he has no way of contacting you again and spend the next month or two getting over him. You'll be over him in no time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, it's kinda nice to see people say he did me wrong.
but just a few things
@Sincerely Kir, he did know. He has been one of my close friends for two years and I was in love with him for about a year and a half. I had only fancied him for about a month and he said it to one of our mutual friends who has since become one of my best friends. At this time he also asked me to get with him but then called it off when he saw that things were happening for him with some other girl.
@Cerberus
He is actually quite bad at relationships, he gets bored of his girlfriends and then dumps them and I the last one was particularly bad, know one really knows what happened, but she seemed so weird afterwards that we think it must have been bad. His present girlfriend always annoyed me, but now I'm a little worried because when I was hanging out with him he kept going on about all the stuff he didn't like about her and kept saying she was a bit pudgy. My friend said that when she was hanging out with the two of them he said the same things to her and then everytime the girlfriend would say something he thought was a bit stupid he'd give a look to my friend.
Also, I have tried to ignore him for the past 8 weeks but he keeps wanting to meet up and leaving me loads of posts on facebook and sending me texts.
@ anonymous
I have great friends who I love but I have 3 groups of friends, school, my group who'd be with me during the weekend and his group. My school group of friends I know to well to be interested in any of the guys romantically. My weekend group I'm just not attracted to the guys or any of their friends. His group was full of people who I would do and could fancy and I quite liked being surrounded by potential interests.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Okay, this guy used you, lied to you, and threw your heart in the trash can. I don't think you're in love with him; I think you're in love with how he acted towards you and how he made you feel, which was all a farce anyway. Cut this guy out of your life. He's not worth one more minute of your time. Go get some friends that you can talk to and do things with, and learn to feel good about yourself. That's a lot more satisfying than letting this jerk trample all over your feelings. One day you are going to find someone else who really cares about you, and you'll look back on this and wonder "What was I thinking?!"
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Jaysus, where to start. No offence but he treats you like shit and you just keep going back for more, over and over again.
First off he used you for sex and broke your heart, (yes it is normal to feel that way he was your first and first love)
Secondly instead of blaming him for what happened you made up an excuse that he's just bad at relationships. That's a load of crap, he just doesn't really like you that much. You hung around hoping he'd fall in love with you too, I mean you're so hung up on this guy that you were willing to be fwb's. In other words you were willing to let this guy use you for sex again.
Look you have to get rid of him, you can't allow him to talk to you or have any contact with you anymore. You know there is no possibility of any kind of happy future with this guy so you have to suck it up and walk away.
You don't stand a chance with any other guy while he is around. I mean come on, you've been seeing him all summer, you still talk to him, how the hell are you supposed to get over him if you won't walk away?
It's normal to have this kind of love for someone and yes it's both tough and painful to get over but that only happens once he's out of your life.
The guy used and lied to you and has hurt you time and time again. Come on for feck sake, take the hint. How long are you gonna let him mess up your life?
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Kir  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 well first u need to atleast try to talk to him .
and even if he knows how u feel about him, maybe it would
make things alot more meaningful if he actually heard u say it to him. even if it hurts, u cant just turn away without trying. u need to atleast be able to say u've tried .
and honestly i dont think u deserve to be used.. whether u love him or not, it isnt an excuse to let him do that to you. i think that u should try to date, and open up to someone thats actually worth your time, and shows u that they care and are trying .
I dont think he derserves to have u if he intentionally hurt u and used u, but if he is unaware that he did so then u need to try to let him kno.
stay strong, (:
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