A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedmind
writes:I am in a total confused situation. I have been through a lot of problems, still it seems that my mind never learns from my experiences.... I guess my story is gonna be a bit long and boring but am gonna tell u my problemsMy father had always been very strict with us and never pampered us..Though he satisfied all our needs with money , he never bothered to sit even for a lunch...We always felt our parents were ashamed to tel everybody that we were of our age..Then I started to live with my grandmother and aunt for 5 yrs. I was always sad that my parents never missed me. Finally they came and our family shifted to a new place.. Papa never changed..Mom tried her best to be with us trying to help us with what we wanted. But my mom always had an inclination towards my brother and my younger sister..And the reason was " You have the ability to look after yourself, they are kids" And i always laid on my bed..always waiting for sweet words from my dear ones...Finally I came to know that my papa had another woman in his life...Problems started haunting our family and papa started abusing and hitting my mom. being the eldest I thought I should take over the situation and started to interfere in fights. Started hating and cursing those other woman in this world...One fine day I fell in love with a boy next door...Mom left us and went back to her house fearing papa will kill her. My strength of love never made me leave the place and I hung on to my papa along with my brother and sister.Finally when my mom came back with all her strength and things started getting better , but by the time I had lost my virginity..My family had adjusted to the new situation..We accepted our papa and his new relation.Though she doesn't stay with us, we behaved as if we never knew anything..I changed to a bigger city for my graduation and lost in touch with my love..New place, new people...loneliness..As I moved on...met another boy in my college...we fell in love and I felt there was somebody in this world for me.to be with me with his love....We started living relation and stayed in one room for 1 and half years.he used all my money and started boasting to others in a bad way about our relation..Nobody in my family knew about this...My family problems were like a graph ...sometimes problems hitting the peak whereas sometime sound and subtle...Life was moving when I realized that my boyfriend was cheating behind my back ...he was going with other women and spreading bad rumors including our most precious bedroom moments.to his friends.....I couldn't bear it when I knew it..And i felt sincerity is just a word for many of them.....I started hating my life when my best friends boyfriend had an eye on me....I hated him for trying to attack me and I finally ran from the place back to my house.. Back home...I was murdered with stabbing words from my parents when I didn't have a job...I felt everything was getting alright when I got my first job...I had decided never to get married since I had lost trust in everyone...But my fate had something else for me....Our eyes met...and before I could realize I was in Love again....I tried my best to control myself but my loneliness dragged me in to this relation with a married man.I kept the secret to myself coz he told me never to share this anyone else...as that would affect him badly.. He always said he loved his wife..his sincerity pulled me to him...He was married for 5 years but in spite of his married status ...i felt deeply in love with him...Every nature of his impressed me..His speech, the way people respected him...the way he respected women...the way he loved his wife....I was growing closer to him as days passed by....I felt as if I was never in love and the moments with him made me realize how lovely my life was...Slowly our colleagues started to realize our affair....HE tried his best to protect me from my eying colleagues....I dint even bother turn and even look at other proposals from other unmarried men....Coz I was in love ...deeply in love...I rejected a lot of other proposals.....I loved him so much..rather respected him more than anyone in this world....He was very possessive...He dint like any guys calling me....I broke friendship with all my friends...and I started recieving only one call in my mobile and that was his....I never wanted anybody else other than him..so I stopped calling all my friends...I thanked god for being his loved one...My most happiest days of my life..His wife came to know about it when she was back from delivery...Thoughts started haunting ..feared whether he would leave me when he had his baby....The sweetest angel whom I considered as my baby who was not born to me.....But he dint leave me...Our love was strong....Even distances dint separate us....He never made love with me as he never wanted to play with my life..Though we had our fore plays and oral sex..he tried his best never to spoil me...My respect and love for him grew as never before...One fine day for the sake of his family..he moved to a different place....I was shattered....I had no one....I felt guilty that he had to leave his job..spoiled his status...his position and had to relocate to a new place coz of me....I thought this was the end...He thought I would hook up with somebody else as there were many guys who waiting for a chance to go out with me...Finally one day he called me....and asked whether I am with somebody else...I couldn't even imagine anybody else in his place and I was very sincere with him.I guess it was then he had realized that I was totally in love with him..He understood that he was the weakness of my life...and i would never leave him for anything in the world...I never asked him to marry me coz I knew that would shake his balance , he cannot be away from his daughter. His daughter was his weakness as I was his before she was born...But i understood him and his situations and i kept my limits.. Finally we made love...I gave myself to him....I felt as if I lost my virginity for the first time....but he kept wondering why i dint bleed, as he knew I had an affair before...but I never let him knew that I had already lost it.This was the only mistake i did to him..I was scared to lose him, but he came back again... 5 wonderful days and we had the world at our feet...He sneaked away from his office hours to come and meet me....And since then ..things started to change...he started to find fault in everything I said...started to blame me...started to doubt me with my old friends who dont even have my contact number...Anything I said....would end up hurting me...I dint know what to do....Finally he started to avoid me....my calls...my mails....I never told him to leave his family as I had many chances to break his family but I dint..I wanted him to be happy...All i wanted from him was his presence in my life...A call ...two words and I was happy..he stopped calling me....it was just I, who called him and he acted as if there was no problem and acted as if he was busy...My phone stopped ringing..I had noone ...no friends....I was always the black sheep in the family...so i was out of their favorite list since I was 5 years....so no family..I was like a paying guest in my own family He avoids me completely now...I dont know why he is doing this to me...I have a lot of proposals still under my feet which I dont feel like accepting..Sometimes when i get angry , i feel I should get married to somebody else and get settled...What has he lost...nothing......He has his wife and kid...I am not sad coz I always wanted his family intact...And i always helped him in it...a month back when he wanted money ...he found time to mail me his account number...He returned me the money..but when i asked him those snaps which he took that day...he never bothered and said he is too busy to upload it...He never accepted me in his orkut , not even with a fake name coz he said that might tempt him to look through my profile and if some guy said I am beautiful...that would break him....It was the limit when I noticed that baby's birthday snap for which i helped economically was uploaded in his orkut when he dint have time to sent to me...When i asked him ...he said his wife did it...whereas he had confessed himself that his wife doesn't know how to use the internet....Is this a punishment to me? I am dying here to recieve atleast one call from him...The other day he insulated me by slamming his phone down saying he is busy...If he had said he doesnt want me anymore...i would have had a chance to hate him...but he says he doesnt have time..he says he is dedicating his time only for work..what should i do...i still love him with all my heart....I controlled for the past two weeks not to contact him and yesterday I went out of control and emailed him..And as usual he replied back...Because he insulted many times by avoiding my calls....I feel I should give him space...let him be with his sweet family...but i still wonder...doesnt he miss me....doesnt he miss my kisses on phone...doesnt he miss our chat...those lovely moments....COZ I do...I miss him more than anything in this world...coz I still love him and am still awaiting his call..his message...his mail...Please help...I am all down and dont know which way to go.....
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affair, best friend, fell in love, grandmother, lost my virginity, married man, money, my ex, oral sex, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissHelp  +, writes (30 August 2008):
I'm sorry to say this but when i was in a relatoship with a boy he stopped calling and ignored my texts and it means... He doesn't want anything more to do with you. Try and get some more friends, meet new people and get in contact with your family. I bet they are all wondering how you are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): hello confused!:)..well i wasnt going to come on this site today-but its 3 am and i couldnt sleep!i read your story-wow-you have some brilliant writing skills! i found your story interesting because im a british indian-and my cousin recently flew over from india.when he came from india-he told me about his girlfriend who is 20 years old-my cousin is married and had a daughter and a son as well!i was shocked-i asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wants both women.one thing i realised about your story-is that do you realise youve become the woman that kept your dad away from you?your boyfriend has a daughter-if you love this man and his child-then let him live his life away from you-one day his daughter will find out and hate you like you hate the woman you papa had an affair with.your seeking love. it's damn hard in this world!you just want to be hugged/held at night and told that everything is going to be ok. you want a man to hold you tight and make you feel safe?my friend-as much as you love this man-you have to let go.our life is like 1 big story-chapters close on some people-some chapters bring us joy whilst other chapters teach us lessons- but our story ends with the people who love us and have stuck by us through thick and thin.this boyfriend of yours-he doesnt want you-but he doesnt want nobody else to have you! my advice is-check out the marriage proposals-speak to the potential men-ask them if they understand the meaning of commitment-meet them for a few dates-and be completley honest with them about ur past once youve met the right man.settle down, and seek the love you wish for from your husbund and your own babies.dont ever depend on a man for anything. give up on his phone calls and emails. delete his number (even from your mind lol) delete his email address-change your number-and find the happiness you deserve.i feel disgusted that my own cousin is cheating on his wife-from one sister-to another-please move on!if you want to chat more-reply back on this page.all the best and god bless..friend xxx
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A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 Being haunted is a good way to describe how you feel. When you grow up with a verbally and physically abusive parental ubringing, you often mistake being controlled by an authoritative partner as being loved by them. The road you need to travel to find your answers begins with realizing the kind of men you attract and then finding the inner strength and willingness to find out why you are attracted to them. You must work on finding ways to embrace your sense of self worth without relying on a man to feel important and special and this is an ongoing struggle you will always have. There are many wonderful books on the subject of men with anger and abuse issues that you can start reading, such as "Men who Hate Women & the Women who Love Them" by Susan Forward, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. My best wishes for you to find that healthy loving relationshipyou deserve. www.isthistruelove.com
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