A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, long story short. A little while ago I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend but she ended up telling me that she didnt like me in that way which after a while I finally accepted and am really happy to still have her as a friend. However, recently I invited her over to my place along with a few of our mutual friends and she asked if she could bring her boyfriend which kind of took me by surprise. Anyway, I ended up telling her that while I was completely happy with where our friendship was at and to still have her as a friend and know that we will never be more than friends (which I accept as well), I wasn't ready to actually see her with someone else. So, now we agreed to get together and talk about it and to clear things up. But I just want to know if it makes sense to feel 100% ok about just being friends and being fully comfortable with hanging out with her either with friends or just the two of us and knowing that things aren't going to change between us, as well as knowing in your mind that she will move on and start dating other people but not actually be ready to see her with somebody else because there is still a small part of you that still has feelings for her?Any help is appreciated, thanks!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 June 2013):
 I agree if you can't bear to see her with her boyfriend you are NOT READY to be friends and that's ok and normal.
I broke up with my first boyfriend in 1978 and I'm still not ready to be friends with him.
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (26 June 2013):
 I have to second Tisha's comments. A genuine friend without baggage or ulterior motives would accept who she has in her life without qualification. If you're not "ready to actually see her with someone else" then you have either baggage or ulterior motives. Do yourself a favour and acknowledge that. It will make things less painful for you, and give you a chance at developing a genuine friendship with her when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2013):
 Like I said, you aren't ready to be her friend without reservations just yet.
So don't invite her to intimate gatherings and if you have to, uninvite her to the one you are having.
What are you trying to accomplish by having a private meetup and discussion?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do accept the fact that she has a boyfriend, and believe me I want nothing more than to see her happy and I would never do anything to interfere in her life. It's just that i'm not quite ready to see her with a boyfriend yet. At some point i will be but I think I just need more time. Also, like I said, I am incredibly happy about where we are as friends and do not want to put that on the line by being selfish and trying to push her to be more than friends, but i don't think it's an unreasonable request to ask her to wait and hold off on seeing her with her boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2013):
You aren't ready to be her friend just yet. It's a noble goal and honorable thought. But it's just not really where you are right now.
Maybe in a few years but at this point in time, you want more than friendship and that's just not going to happen.
If you were really just a friend you would be happy that she has a boyfriend and it wouldn't bother you. You have enough attraction for her that you are uncomfortable seeing her with her boyfriend.
I honestly think there's no point in you two getting together to talk about it. It will only open up old semi-healed wounds for you. And what do you have to clear up? She doesn't like you the way you like her. That's pretty clear, sorry. I think you are setting yourself up for some hurt feelings and blows to your ego. I don't see the point, actually.
Maybe she's trying to keep you as a friend to feel better about having to reject you, or you are hoping that she'll change her mind eventually. Which one is the case here?
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