A
male
age
26-29,
*rBigShot110
writes:First off, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who has advised me so far on this forum. I've gotten some great responses from some of you (WiseOwlE, BrownWolf, thanks for being so active in my posts and listening to me complain as much as I did). I've realized that while I am still intensely lonely and wanting a relationship, I may need to hang up the jersey for a good while and get my mind in the right place about what I've been doing. In looking at my past posts I can see how erratic I have been emotionally about women and feeling rejected for so long. Rejection hurts me VERY VERY badly and over the years it's all I've experienced in my relationships with women. That being said, I have struggled to find ways to cope with that. I've been learning about and practicing radical acceptance with my therapist and while it helps me get through the day, it has so far only been good until the next rejection hits. After that, I'm almost back to square one. I've been rejected yet again and I can feel the frustration beginning to reach unhealthy levels. I can't stand the idea of not being able to fix a problem I'm having, and this has now been going on for 11 years. I don't know how much more I can take, so I'm really considering giving up on romance. I'm tired of older women asking me about my dating life and telling me "You're going to make someone very happy one day." It feels like getting kicked when I'm down. My questions to you guys are: What can I do to keep my mind on myself for awhile so that I can accomplish some of the things I want to? What has worked for you when you've felt hopeless about something? Should I just give up on this? How have you (if you have) come to terms with the fact that a life goal/dream is unachievable? I'm sorry to any readers of previous posts of mine for being stubborn and seemingly ignoring/rejecting advice. I really have taken in everything that's been said to me and realize all points are valid. I've just been a wreck about this for a long time. Hopefully you all can understand. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): No, you wont be single all your life!
Its not going to be like that at all.
Just let your life run on and you will turn round one day and see it was just a passing moment.
You will meet someone.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (24 August 2017):
 there is nothing more rewarding than taking up charity work,
It works in many ways as you get the good feeling of doing some good and you get to feel lucky to be in the place you are, It keeps your mind off the simple things that we think are big and often one day you look to your right or left and see the person standing there helping you and you just find that you have grown together,
I have seen it happen so many times and it builds better people you get out lots more than you put in when your heart is in it,
you can find the type charities that suit you but I would say to you find one that puts you in direct contact with people,
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): The funny thing is you're gonna be 40 one day married with kids and wishing to god you could be single again :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): You are 18-21 for gods sake! How can you say you will be single forever?'
That is a defeatists attitude.
How about trying a little instead of complaining poor me?
So girls have been unkind?so they judge?
Thats life, some women (and men) are nasty and quick to judge.
Not all, get out there and try!
Try internet dating
Hobbie groups
Meetup.com
For gods sake dont give up at 18, seriously!!
Your post screams attention seeker
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A
female
reader, Aunty Lana  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 Hey mister , if the age above is correct and your a male aged between 18-21 slow down what's the rush ,why are you so focused on being in a relationship ,for comfort? Someone to talk to ? Someone to cuddle and wake up to ? I get it !!! I'm only 20 years old nearly 21 .I feLtd the same as you for a long time I could never really relate to anybody all my friends found it easy to fall into a relationship because it's a trend and when you see all your friends in a relationship that's all you want so you don't feel like an outcast ..there's a difference in wanting a relationship to actually being in one and that why none of my friends relationships lasted as they weren't with that special person .it's horrible when someone you like doesn't feel the same and rejection isn't easy for anyone it makes you question your worth and is a great way to loose your self esteem I used to think what's wrong with my am I ugly ? Am I too big ? Am I too small ? And when it came to guys that were actually interested in me I would always question their intentions and ask why .I'd never let them in .I bet sometimes you feel the same way it's OK it's normal .love always finds it's way and it can happen when you least expect it so stop searching let it find you .everybody deserves to be loved and find love and it will happen for you .in the meantime focus on things that make you happy like family friends whatever your hobbies are chill out enjoy life ..read a good book or go see a movie ..slow down and take in right now you never know whats around the corner so why worry your life away .I hope this has helped you.
Here always,
Aunt Lana?
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (23 August 2017):
 Well, if you really want to focus on being single, watch out that's one way of getting a girlfriend! I was SO sure I was going to remain single and not two months after this pledge, in drops my boyfriend from the sky. He admitted later that me not wanting to date him gave him a challenge. Go figure.
But in all seriousness, I would advise that you take up something new. Every time I've gone through a discouraging/hopeless time, I took on a new activity. Last time, it was capoeira. I was so tired, focused and excited for new classes/movements that I hardly had time to think about my situation. When I did think about it, I wrote stuff down in a journal to get it off my chest.
Now, as to "coming to terms that a life goal/dream is unachievable" that's harder. I made my peace with the fact that I have no rhythm and will never tear up a dance floor so my dreams of professional dancing...gone! However, I don't discount other goals I have like eventually having kids just because I haven't found "the one" yet. I am 25 and people have started saying that I'm old and if I don't start now, it'll never happen. Well women are now having kids well into their 50s so why start crossing that out?
I'd like to be a doctor but haven't graduated from college yet, still can't drop that dream yet either. I'll cross off the stuff I haven't achieved on my deathbed, while I'm alive there's still potential in my humble opinion.
You, at 18-21, think you will never, ever find love. I do NOT think that you'll "come to terms" with that for two reasons.
1. It is obvious that this is something you want very much.
2. Your hope will remain open because you're human and we secretly always think of finding some sort of partnership.
My friend is asexual and he wanted so badly to have a wife who would understand. We spent many a night commiserating and him swearing off women etc. Three years later, a wonderful lady drops into his life. I just got my wedding invitation.
Rejection is nasty. We've all been rejected and it's a sinking kind of feeling. But, don't give up. Take it easy and focus on YOU. Throw yourself into the things you love. I've said it before but sometimes we run into things specifically when we're not actively looking. You seem like a thoughtful man and I wish you the absolute best.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (23 August 2017):
Dude, you are waay to young to give up on love.
You are only 18-21. You should not take any relationship seriously at that age. Once you reach 24-25, you are going to be mentally more mature, and girls will also be more mature and sure of what they are looking for.
The best way for you to get ready for those days, is stay on the game, keep playing every day. That means getting rejected all of the time in your case, so what.
The more you get rejected, the stronger you get. Make being rejected your therapy and a game/thrill.
Girls are always looking for Mr Right, so it's likely that you (as me) are not that guy. One day you will find a girl that's not looking for perfection or the idea of a perfect guy.
Focus more on yourself, do a sport, swim, lift weights, join a club, join an art club. You are going to meet different kinds of girls that will look at you in different ways and eyes, and perhaps, may really fall for you.
Volunteer in your community too. Build your confidence and self-esteem. By the time you are 25, you are going to be emotionally stronger, more mature, and ready for a serious relationship.
Best luck!
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